I've been lurking for a while. posted a few snippets here and there, but something happened to me me yesterday that I really wanted to share.
Long story short - I'm an addict who truly didn't think I was, for a full 23 years of on-again/off-again using. I dont just use substances to numb the pain in my middle, but actions too. (compulsive shopping and affairs are the two biggies.) Almost 2 years ago, I moved 2200 miles away from home, to get away from a man who was encouraging my using, to one I knew was in AA, who offered me help when I needed it and nobody else did. We have a wonderful relationship. Truly something I didn't think i deserved. Needless to say, I came to MIP looking for Al-Anon connections, and in time, realized I was on the wrong boards, and in the wrong rooms. Picked up my desire chip last week, and have been going to meetings regularly, and I also got a sponsor. Which brings me to the Hope part of my tale.....
Two nights ago, I met with my sponsor - I had three things that were weighing very heavily on my mind, causing me anxiety, which leads to a desire to use for me (although I wasn't yet at that point.) The ex was becoing a problem to my new life; a good friendship that had fallen apart, and the bf hadn't worked with his sponsor in a year. (Yes, I know I can't interfere in his program, but I can worry about it, 'specially when he's fixin' to leave town for a month at a time for work.) Yesterday, all three found a degree of reslution by themselves. The friend came up to me at work out of the blue, hugged me and chatted for a while, where she could have avoided me completely. The bf all of a sudden has a new sponsor and is doing step-work with him. The ex called from jail about to ask for help, and I told him I couldn't and hung up.
The whole 'God' thing is so very challenging for me. But I've been praying, and trying hard not to define God as I'm used to trying to do...accepting that God just Is - I don't need to put a face, or gender, or place to God. So I chat with God. God listens. Clearly. 'Cuz let me tell you, that if one thing had resolved yesterday, I would have called it coincidence. Perhaps if two had...but all three things I'd gotten off my chest with my sponsor? The very next freakin' day?! Uh uh. Not even this skeptic.
Newcomers...if you really put yourself into this program, heart, mind, body and soul, you will get what you need out of it. They say the promises come to us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. I truly believe in my case, God knew I needed some 'proof', so-to-speak; something even I couldn't refute. As someone struggling so much with the 2nd step, this was the only thing I needed right now, and I got it.
Thanks for reading this far, and have a blessed day.
Rhivenn.
-- Edited by Rhivenn on Friday 27th of May 2011 07:43:06 AM
Funny how this works, actually, amazing is more the word I should use. I am on a spiritual journey, exploring what my beliefs are and are not, what a definition of my HP is today. One of the thoughts that came to me at o'dark thirty this am, when I finally gave up trying to sleep (still at that stage of sobriety ), is that my HP has been with me all my life, I just didn't know it. Now that I am realizing it, no, have found it in my heart, I know this: my HP, my faith and my spirituality are mine for the keeping, and will guide me on a path to a better life, clean and sober, one day at a time. If I should fall off the path, it will not leave me. It will wait for me and pray that I find my way back. I am blessed. Thanks for the share, powerful stuff !!! Peace
WOW! I knew I didn't come back to this board by mistake. Great stuff. Great sharing. I needed to hear that at this precise moment. Coincidence? I think not.
Thanks again,
Stacey
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The Will Of GOD Will Never Take You Where The Grace Of GOD Will Not Protect You
Ohhh I'm sooo jealous! You're actually fulfilling my need for 'confirmation' as it were... I used to call all those coincidences 'little kisses from Heaven' and they happened with such frequency when I was in the height of my spiritual journey... oh, I've become so complacent spiritually but now I'm starting to get back those cravings for all those meaningful coincidences... I've been considering coming online for awhile and I'm not sure who posted it, probably Dave R, but my first day on the board here I read that it wasnt by chance.
Continued kisses from heaven for you!
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"The Greatest Possession We Have is The 24 Hours Ahead Of Us"
