It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, Yes!
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
Very nice.Im having lucid moments where IM FEELING LIKE IM under influence of opiates for like 20 minutes and then back into withdraw again.I think its been a week or so,Ive only slept about 8 hours in 5/6 days.My doses were low and I wasnt back on that long,I must be getting old or something.Very bizzare.I cant concentrate for long enough period of time to read and comprehend 12 step or rules of Na.The meeting I went to and walked out of after 15 min I cant remember,I just heard people talking was like I couldnt comprehend.When I got online I was ok.Now nausea a headache.I cant believe how behind I am or how much work there is to do its .........I cant think of a word.Thank you guys for not beating me up when im not making a lot of sense,it shows me your patience,knowledge of this issue and understanding.tHANK YOU
THis week i had to dissapoint another to be true to myself, I had to betray her and look out for myself instead of looking after someone who wasn't taking life seriously enough, I had to.
Many things there to think about Carolyn, we aint saints .
Goose your detoxing and its going to be strange for awhile give yourself a chance and get threw it, this wont be the toughest thing you go up but its the first thing you need to beat, getting past it will make you stronger, endure the mind games, the physical withdrawal, the strange mental twist and the lack of just being in harmony. If you give up and give in then you'll lose something , may lose everything may think you already lost everything but keep using theres more to lose, get clean and its all up hill :)
Thanks for the poem Vin it made me take stock of the things I still need to work on, very inspirational. Goose your at where your ment to be at, just know that alll you are going through we too have been through and it didn't kill us or send us to the looney bin. It will get easier as the days go by. Hang in there my friend it is so worth the pain and mental anguish to get and stay clean..........
.
