Hi all, I'm new here.  And I joined because I honestly have no where else to go.

Here's a little of my story.  I have been with my husband for 6 years now.  When we first started dating he smoked pot, pretty regularly.  I didn't, but it wasn't a big deal to me in the beginning because I just didn't know how our relationship was going to pan out.  To be honest, I never thought that we would make it this far.

Well, we started getting very serious, and moved in together, started talking about kids and getting married.  In 2007, after we had been together for 2 years, I begged and pleaded with him to quit smoking pot.  He promised me, "As soon as you get pregnant, I'll give it up."  That November, in the midst of planning our wedding for the following summer, I found out we were pregnant with our son, our first child.

He did not quit smoking.  It brought on arguments.  Some of them probably hormonal since I was pregnant, but also some because it was very hurtful to have him go back on what he said.  So then he tells me "When the baby is born, I'll quit for good.  Cause you're right, it's not safe and right to have it around the baby."

Well, 9 days before our wedding, I gave birth to our son.  The first thing he did after the birth was leave me and my son in the hospital room to go to the parking lot with his mother to smoke a bowl.  It was clear he wasn't going to quit smoking, but I love him.  So, I asked him to just please, please, please do not smoke on our wedding day.  My family was visiting from out of state for it, and I just wanted things to go fairly smoothly.  It was an outside wedding.  He would sneek off with his friends and his mom to go smoke.  And, all I kept hearing from the non-smokers was that you could tell they didn't hike out far enough from the wedding/reception area, cause all you could smell was the marijuana.

So, he tells me he's going to slow down.  But, then when I call him out on the smoking he has an excuse as to why he needs to smoke.  "You stay at home with C, and the working and bringing in money is put on me, so I have to smoke to keep going."  "I have ADD, so it helps calm me down."  "You make me smoke because all you do is nag me and it stresses me out."  "It helps me to sleep."  "You only have home stress, and I have work and home stress, so you don't know what it's like.  I have to smoke to get through it all."

There's just always an excuse as to why he needs to smoke. 

Then, last year around April we found out I was pregnant with our 2nd child.  I gave birth to her in December, 4 days before Christmas.

He has still not quit smoking.  He tells me, since we moved to a cheaper place, that he's going to stop helping people out by taking their money, and getting them bags in hopes that he gets free weed.  Which, let me tell you, never ends up being free.  I have had to make breakfast everyday for a week since WIC gives me eggs, just because he had to get a bag.  Almost our entire tax return went to paying off his debts to his friends who sell to him, and to get more.  We have so much debt that we're drowning.  And, it's my fault because I don't handle the finances good enough.  But, when I tell him we can't afford a bag, he just goes to the ATM to take the money out before a bill can take their payment out, which means I just bounced a check in our account.  And, then, again, it's my fault for not keeping up on that.

I have literally broken down already.  I smashed his pipe, he went and got a new one the next day.  I told him that I'm taking the kids and leaving, he takes the keys to the car with him to work.

I'm just so lost.  I have no friends and family out here.  I'm just stuck.  He wants me to work things out.  And, he's been doing more since I told him I was going to leave him.  He helps me more with the kids, he cleans the house, he's taken over the laundry, he's started cooking more.  But, smoking, he just will not slow down on it.  Even after our kids got diagnosed with RSV.  We don't know if it was just the virus being out, or if it was his smoking, because the smoking can cause respitory problems in children.  But, it doesn't matter if it was the smoking, cause he still will not quit smoking.

He just tells me that I don't make him want to quit.  That I don't encourage him to quit.  That I just tell him to quit or I'm leaving.  I asked him to go to meetings and/or a counselor for help.  He says he can do it on his own and got very defensive.

I love my husband.  I don't want to leave him.  But, I'm just so stuck and lost in a position where I just don't see any other option.