Hi guys, it's been a while since I shared what's goin on for me, so I thought it was time I did something " different " to try and get out of this funk I've been in. I have been slowly slipping back into isolating myself from the world. I live in a small country town, where we only have one meeting a week, which I'm sec. and I never miss it, but for the rest of the week I do whatever I can to avoid contact with anyone. It jus t seems like everyone just annoys me and I can't be bothered with thier shit anymore.... I don't know what has brought this on but I don't seem to be feelin the love like I used to in recovery. I was one of those addicts that would go above and beyond for anybody, if I was needed I was there, but now I'm even avoiding phone calls from friends that are still out there practicing, which is new for me cause I try to lead by example and these are friends that I have met in recovery that have relapsed. I have a feeling that the reason I feel this way is because I haven't been able to continue with my step work as I don't have a sponsor. My last sponsor was an online sponsor and that really was'nt working for me to well. There aren't any women that have any clean time up so needless to say I'm sponsorless, ok thats enough of the poor me's. Today I'm grateful to be clean and that's all that matters........
HI. Sponsorship is one of the cornerstones of recovery. Have you tried the helplines for your nearby areas? Perhaps there is a woman who will work with you over the phone. It's not a bad arrangement. My sponsor and I will see each other at meetings but other than that our relationship is almost entirelly a phone based one. I also think we just go through these phases. We feel really connected for a while then not so much. It ebbs and flows like everything else in life. I wish you well. That pull towards isolation is very strong in me as well, but today I recognize it as my disease. It's important to build and rely on a network of recovering addicts for support. It keeps me going. I wish you well.
Hey Ruthy! I hear your funk and will keep you in prayer.First thing we do is share our feelings and get honest with ourselves!! check! This is definitely not about preaching but I have been thru same funk off and on thru the years.I always first get with God and then share and get real deep in our literature. Short version(Recovery/Relapse) If we begin missing meetings,not getting involved,isolate,reject those that are close to us or we even get sick of ourselves(I can identify here,I sometimes just get weary)we may revert back to our sickest behaviors,if we are not"practicing " our spiritual principles or resentments start to take over we need to be aware of relapse(and I dont just mean to drugs,we suffer from addiction,physical,mental and spiritual illnesses) I am not telling you anything you dont know im sure,just reiterating the things you are saying.I know for me,I have to dig myself out by again continually being grateful for "life' and shaking myself up(join a new band,make a commitment of some kind,take another deep personal inventory,reach out and share with my support etc. I can appreciate your situation with small area,no sponsor and how we get that feeling of 'whats the sense,im tired,im okay without all this///BEWARE .... it is the disease speaking.For me I have to constantly rejuvenate myself.I focus on the "lost dreams awakening and the new possibilites that can arise in recovery.I have the mind of an 8 year in the body of a 63 year old man My wife looks at me at times and says"why are you doing that now<but she knows why...even without a sponsor you can "apply the steps in your life and actions..continue moving toward the light,in God's guidance and more will be revealed,Thanks for sharing ,you have helped me again for this day to be grateful for another day clean and an opportunity to be all my Higher Power intended me to be.When them people around make me crazy,(daily)I'll look deep inside and see whats going on,spit it out and move forward.I do wish you peace and pray you have a blessed and productive day!!! see ya
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Thanks guys I know I can always count on you for the support I need. Just a quick update I have just made a 12mnth commitment at the local womens gym this will also deal with my weight issues........ May you always walk in Gods light........
Ruthy i went threw what your experiencing for several months.
I prayed and meditated on it alot all I could come up with was I just simply needed time to myself to sort out things, all the clammers of the world were getting in the way of something.
But we have to stay cautious isolation can be a very dangerous thing for us.
Built up resentments and criticalness of others is part of my isoaltion, that " being fed up " feeling of intolerance, true disgust of others LOL thats what i was feeling.
I've pulled out of it better for it I really feel rested and more patient with everyone with a more concerning care for them, but life is busy hustle and bustle here got to run.
keep looking for a sponsor even if its the local clergyman, priest, find someone to work thoughs steps with who understands what your doing.
-- Edited by BigV on Wednesday 6th of April 2011 09:29:42 AM
Thanks Vin, Dave and Raman big HUGS to you all it's nice to know that we all go through the same things and that there is growth in everything we experiance. Once again thankyou........
What they said! Getting a sponsor is essential, and working the steps.
Self acceptance plays another big part in recovery. If you can learn to accept yourself for what and who you are and see that we all have a gift given to us by our higher power, things get better.
If I am happy with my recovery, I can be accepting of others with no preconditions.
-- Edited by Davethewave on Thursday 7th of April 2011 05:14:03 PM
