I was going in circles on somethings lately, and my sponsor asked me when the last time I spoke was... and I have to admit, it was a while back now since I told my story. And since I am new to this type of meeting, I thought I might share it here. If you find a hidden nugget of wisdom or hope, I'll be happy.

Let me start off by saying I AM an atheist. I have attempted attending various religious organizations, and I am clearly an atheist. No question.

I do have 22 years of continuous sobriety. I attend multiple 12-step fellowships.

I began my usage VERY early. Coming from a German-American home, my grandparents lived with us and being from the old country, alcohol was present early. Drugs entered about 11 years old, and my career was over by 17, going from zero to almost dead in that time. I had 3 drug related heart attacks in that time, blackout using was a daily occurrence and during the final run after my mother passed away included a trip half way across the country in a full blackout, coming to in a jail in the Midwest, a nurse standing over me, asking if I knew where I was. I guessed incorrectly a hospital...

To back up just a little, I got into trouble as a kid, and was ordered into group homes and to attend meetings... and when I ran, they tried multiple residential rehabs, further and further from my home, until I was several hours away, knew no one and managed to get thrown out in 2 weeks time.

The words from the final drug rehab included  "You will die if you don't change". I laughed and began to use even harder. I was taken to meetings by the different rehabs, and several of them were even close to where I grew up & was living.

I went full tilt, managed to stay alive, unlike many I ran with, and in Jan. of 1989, my mother passed away and I ended up with a fist full of cash and a head full of stupid, (I believe now I was trying to kill myself)... the party came to a halt after waking up in jail, again with more charges than I knew how to deal with and several stitches in my head... but this is what happens when you try to fight with cops again...

I left the jail after court with probation, returning home, and I knew at that time the revolving doors of the rooms were ending... with some help (and lots of tough love).

I got home, went to the local meeting place, and was immediately grabbed by a couple of old timers who had watched my decent into the abyss and had grown tired of watching my wear out the hinges on the door.

They offered me a choice - Life or death. I understood that to mean if I didn't choose life, they might kill me. I thought it was possible.

I did it their way. I sat quietly (well, as quietly as I could) for 3 months. Then my service to the fellowship began. I was allowed (told) to empty ashtrays. After another 30 days, I could sweep floors and by the time they were done adding something new every month or so, I was setting up for several meetings every week.

I worked a slightly different type of program, with G.o.D.D. (groups of drunks & druggies) as my higher power, going thru my steps and getting called on my BS pretty quickly.

I was shown a life without mind altering chemicals was possible, attending dances, conventions, and many other activities on a daily basis all around the area. We did program cookouts, trips to the beach, living life as others did...

I have survived cancer treatment, going to jail, a mental institiution, homelessness and other aspects of life while in the program.

I continue on this path daily by attending meetings, working with my sponsor and volunteering with committees regularly.

Thanks for reading my blurb... my mind is going blank for the moment...

Live Life, Love Hard, and remember Rule #62.