I am extremly overwhelmed atm my meds are not working right cause my stupid ass tried to play doctor with my pysc mds my shrink is well aware of the situation pain control is not working but have no idea how to fix those so .....I see the shrink at 8 this morning hopefully we can get this done my best friend of 11 years moved back to oregon yesterday he was not supposed to leave till saturday guess plans change. I am really down about him leaving they say this too shall pass my finaces are off so bad due to lack of proper attention on my part but spoke with the gas company they are gonna leave it on till the first when I can catch up on my bills. I do have to say tho I am regaining faith in my hp which is a good thing still have issues with the surrender thing in need of a new sponsor I gotrta get my life back on tracck I am not in a ggoos place in my head I have to haved at lleast 4 surgeries this year one of which scares me I have a deydrated disk in my lower back I believe it might be pinchin za nerve causeing problems in my legs I took too many meds last night actually scared myself I didn't know if i od ed or not was close to calling the ammbulance it really wasn't an attempt on my life I just needed to sleep and the pain is unbareable but since I am just coming back from a relapse I have to wait to see my pain doc till the 8th of march so the mary jane is outta my system all my other docs are aware I was smoking but I don't know howhe would react being the one that perscribes the pain regimene it just feels like my life is spiralling outta control and I don't know what to do I wake with the shakes and Ijerk due to my mood stablizers so I know I am about to go thru alot of changes med wise he had me journal about what brought all this about and I am supposed to take it to him at my appointment I have been losing alot of time (switching between alters) couldn't tell ya the day if my life depended on it I am so scared of everything atm I don't know what to do but scream MERCY I don't want those suicidal thoughts to get strong again I just want a bit of normalcy in my life but apperantly that is too much too ask for pain is ythe main reason for suicide and it has to stop I cannot take much more and no more needles around my spine those hurt and don't seem to be effective so now surgery is being talked about Roomie left when my money ran out par for the coure irresponable why when you try to help someone you just get shit on we were suppose to be helping each other and now my stress level is even higher it was actuall kinda nice to have him around but this shit is too much my doc is gonna try to keep me outt the hospital but I am packing a bag just in case which I need to get off here and do so hopefully I can check in here after tha appoinment which means I come home if not give me afew days to get it together and hope to be back soon that is what lies ahead atm
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
Hey Manon! absolutely ,first things first,get your meds right.That may help with your switching and help you relieve some of the anxieties that you are having,some probably in your head,and some very real(no $$$.etc)I am not lecturing on "burning rope" you know about that ,it is in the line of "just dont use"hopefully meds will get you back on track there also...Glad to see your renewing your spirit with the God of your understanding<truly the key in restoration to the insanity.Keep sharing from your heart and let us know how it goes at Doc's,,//thanks for the pictures they were awesome....(e mail)Peace and blessings.In support and prayer..........
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
had my appointment doc put me on high risk I have to go back monday after noon for further changed to my meds we lowered my adhd meds again which is prolly good cause I kinda fel as if I was tweaking in a sense no sleep severe aggitation they want me to set an appointment with a therapist the only thing that is bothering me is I have to see my shrink every week for awhile and that is wheere I had boundries crossed with a former shrink some of you saw that play out here at MIP so to seee my doc weekly I am scared I expressed that he said we would have very strict boundries he had trouble getting me to focus but this to shall be addressed wqe are gonna try a whole lot of different meds than what I am on atm so here where your prayer thoughts and blessings come in they want me to attend a group called solutions which is for ppl with BPD there is alot to that that I am not really clear on but every time I try to ask I get redirected he had a hard time to get me to focus today I have been crybing for a few days but this toooooooooooooooo shall pass as I walk in faith
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
Manon,You take care,I know you accept all of theses medical problems which is hard to take,keep your spirit up and ask the Higher Power for help when ever you need it.
Absolutely get the meds right. This shrink sounds pretty good. When it comes to meds he is a power greater than you, so just do what he says. It's simple if not easy. Peace.
