Ive got an attitude . there i said it. back in the 90's our city was chock ful of incredible meetings. especially friday and saturday nite. i went on and off so many times. but it just 'didnt take'. I just wasnt 'there' yet. But I never put it out of my mind knowing that those incredible places had a seat!! waiting for me.
ok, fast forward to now. My bottom and birthday are Nov 14th. I was put in a place for near 6 months, and that is where i began to climb out. I did an extraordinary amount of work and steps within the confines of that 6month lockdown. I come back out into the world, armed with new tools and the eagerness of finally be able AND ready to sit still , in a seat.. and contintue working on me and my steps.
Those places are FREAKIN gone. Ovr the past year, I have been going in and out of our meetings.. angry. Wondering why the hell they are being held right smack dab in the middle of drugland. We gotta step over addicts to get in the doors now. Wonderin why the fuck does the daily place let the same POS take over the floor every single solitary dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!! I WANT TO TALK TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! BUT NO! The same dam mouthy assed clown takes over. day after day after day!
Im not racist, but our meetings have been taken over by loud, agressive African americans. and i cant get a word in edge wise. Im glad. Hell happy for the long suffering crack addict, crack DEALERS who have found a new home. the meetings.
I warned ya, I have a bad attitude right now.
Where the hell is the big meeting halls of the 90s!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where so many people, from ALL WALKS of LIFE came. So many would come around night after night , that it was standing room only. And the most important person in the room WAS ALLOWED to speak. THE NEW COMER!!
God, help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.. im choking on anger. getting sober is on my bucket list.
I have to go... a meetin starts in 10 mins. i wanna screammmmmmmmmmm 'LET ME TALKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK'
Wish I had an answer for you. I have been to two NA meetings; one was my first and the other was the first one of a group I started. Until two weeks ago all I knew was AA. I am grateful for NA. I am an addict.
NA meetings in the middle of drugland makes total sense to me. If you're not getting what you need in these meetings go to other meetings held in different locals.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
I know what u mean, having meetings right in the heart of the problem was a bold and important move in our city. but, im tryin to stay away from these areas. alot of us have been given 'stay-away-orders' from judges from arrests. we get caught in a two block radius of these, we are taken back to jail.. no questions asked. its becoming a no win situation. attendance is gettin les and less.
other locales.... like i said. their gone. i want nothing more than to open up the old spots, or something similiar. but i have no idea how to do that
anyway. thanx for the listen. i had a burning desire and a bad attitude today. i want to bring back something that was once in my hands and couodnt quite hold on. im angry with myself.
The bottom line for me is I need to go to meetings to stay clean. Sometimes I don't like the personalities, or the place, or even some of what goes on in the meeting, but I still need to go and I need to be open to the message of recovery. Some loud-mouthed former crack-addict might just share something that saves my life.
If somethings bothering me theres something wrong with me.
Practicing spiritual principles in all of our affairs isn't easy for us especially people that DEMAND everything go our way.
A lot of things come to mind in your post and you sound just like me at times LOL, im fed up with the meetings i've been going to I know alllll the charecters now, hear the same thing coming out of most peoples mouth every time they share, its gotten dull and boring LOL I need new blood
So we get angry we have to deal with dissapointments on a daily basis, thats life, how do we handle it using the program ? we are recovering now from the lack of ability to handle life on lifes terms right? we've some of us recovered from the obsession and compulsion to use but have we picked up the spiritual tool kit to deal with life ? I have to ask myself that over and over, when i stay angry day in day out, when the discomfort of life ways on me for weeks and I have a bad attitude never smiling and laughing and enjoying life , just the way it is.
Anyhow hope you take a deeper look at this gettingbackup, maybe its time for you to open a new meeting some where ?
-- Edited by BigV on Friday 4th of February 2011 10:45:22 AM
gettingbackup, As far as I have been told those big meetings change to,lack of support ,people moving ,relapses.I agree aboutmeetings being in the drug zones but they might want to try recovery also.They want the coffee anyways.I know I have to keep my recovery intact by attending meeting , no matter how big or small .The fellowship has changed since 1953 a lot , and will change over and over again.
Well, I don't know how the meetings were back in the day cuz I'm only 27 and I'm new to the NA thing. I've only been to a handful of the meetings and I do like some more than others but for just going to any is what I need. I have to go to at least 2 a week by court order. Today I was super tired cuz I was on the go from 5:30 am to 11pm yesterday so I decided not to go to one. Now I realize that it's turned into more than just a court ordered thing for me. I actually WANT to go and I regretted not going to my noon meeting. Because even though I don't like everyone there or what they have to say, I leave with a positive attitude because I got to be around a bunch of former addicts who WANT to be clean and some of them have stayed clean for a long time and that alone is enough to give me hope. Unfortunately I have to work tonight so I'm not going to be able to make it to a meeting today but I've definitely learned that in order for me to keep a positive outlook on recovery I NEED to go. Even if I don't like every meeting I attend.
GLAD YOU ARE WITH US. AND NOT DEAD..IT'S AMAZING THE MOODS WE GET INTO - AND UNABLE TO GRASP THE CONCEPT OF "WHY WE PRAY FOR THE ADDICT STILL SUFFERING" IT'S A MUST THAT WE (NA) CONTINUE TO BE A LIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PIT..WHERE SO MANY OF US COME FROM. AND IT'S IMPORTANT THAT THE NEWCOMER HEAR THE MESSAGE INSTEAD OF SPITTING THE MESS. SOMETIMES LISTENING TO THE MESSAGE AND NOT THE MESSENGER CAN BRING GREAT FREEDOM IN - ALWAYS PRACTICING PRINCIPALS BEFORE PERSONALITIES - IT DOES GET KINDA CRAZY SOME FOLKS SHARE THE SAME STUFF OR FIRST TO SPEAK..SOMETIMES I DO THAT MYSELF..I LOVE CARRYING THE MESSAGE. BUT I HAVE LEARNED THAT THE DAY MY HEARS AND HEART ARE OPEN..IS THE DAY THAT SAME MESSAGE SOMEONE HAS BEEN SHARING OVER AND OVER AGAIN..I FINALLY HEAR IT..WE FORGET THE SAME MESSAGE HAS BEEN CARRIED FOR YEARS..GO TO MEETINGS, GET A SPONSOR, WORK THE STEPS AND DON'T PICK UP..THE LITERATURE WE READ IS THE SAME..IT CHANGES BECAUSE WE CHANGE ACCORDING TO OUR SPIRITUAL GROWTH. I HOPE YOU GET THRU YOUR STRUGGLE. I AM TRULY GLAD YOU ARE A PART OF NA..DON'T LOSE YOUR SEAT DUE TO SELF..
Back in the day for me meetings weren't big, the two meetings a week we had when I found NA were both candle light and averaged half a dozen sometimes up to a dozen when it was a big meeting. Everyone always got to share, sometimes twice. This was late 70's.
Fast forward to today. Multiple meetings everyday of the week and only one candle light meeting left. Most meetings too big for everyone to share, you have to make your needs known and speak up.
No, today's meetings are not a joke to me whatever format they may take. They are the cornerstone of NA.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
I agree that the most important person is the new comer.... but I don't think the new comer sharing in the circle will promote a message of recovery....
If you need to speak, grab someone before or after the meeting, that's where the real learning occurs and the hope begins....
I have an issue with all these "open destruction" meetings, where is the literature??? the solution isn't in our opinions and view of the book, it's in what is actually said. Opinions are like assholes everyone has one and some smell like shit
My recovery is coming from the literature tables because then there is no opinions and when I first arrived I was told nicely to "sit down and shut up".... what I had to say in the circle was not beneficial to anyone in the room, and if I needed to share I should pull a women with sometime aside and talk about my issues.
Just to play the devils advocate......... What makes you think what your going to say more important than the person speaking in the circle???
ego kills
Andrea
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people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
I get where your coming from....some meetings are more about the disease than about recovery. but still, the meetings we have today are the only meetings we have. Unless you start a new one.
there was so many points that stick out to respond to here, but i picked one:
"
Just to play the devils advocate......... What makes you think what your going to say more important than the person speaking in the circle???
ego kills
Andrea"
huh. what ego? i barely have esteen left. but during my 6month lock up, seeds were planted. i wanna live now. it may be nothin to you, but its simply amazing to me, after years of wishin to die. who knows, maybe a few others sittin there were a mere 6months or so behind me.
BigMike, plague, Vic.. ur posts have given me strenth, to try again. thanx guys.
