Hello everyone, I wanted to introduce myself. My name is Jeff, I am 39 years old, and almost lost everything to my addiction. I have 4 kids, two which my wife and I adopted a couple years ago, and almost graduating from college. I used T3/T4 for 6-8 months, before my wife realized her pain meds. were always short ( 6-8 months were stealing from my sife, i used about on and off about a year when I received my prescription). I started with a sript because of a sciatic nerve, but then continued by taking my wifes pills. I became a different person, lied to her about everything, stole meds from her, and create a distance between us. She caught me several months ago, by deciding to test me, and of course it was positive. Even when it showed positive, for a few hours, I continued to lie about, include blaming the test. I was clean for about 3-4 weeks, then started taking them again from a different bottle she had. Again, she caught me. I have been clean for about a month now. Trying to fix everything.
I haven't been to a NA meeting as of yet, working out my schedule, and also working on getting a counselor. I don't have a sponser as of yet, and downloaded the NA book from this site, thanks for that.
Sorry for making it so long, I just wanted to get it out.
Welcome. I hope you are able to start going to meetings. You will find people there who can relate to what you're going through and share their experience, strength, and hope. Why is your wife on pain meds, if I may ask?
I can completely relate to you. Narcotics in any form are so addicting. Hydrocodone was my main one. Did the same thing. Stole from husband, from my parents, things 6 years ago I could have never envisioned myself doing. I have looked through friends' cabinets at their houses. That is when I knew something was terribly wrong. Who had I become? I am very new as well, but I pray that you start working this program and remain diligent. It is frustrating that what starts out sometimes as an innocent thing--ie being prescribed hydrocodone for mouth work for the very first time, turned into years of addiction.
I started using hydrocodone as a potential solution to psychic pain. That was in 2000, and I was 36. When I was young and experimental with substances, I swore the only drug I would never use was heroine. Chemically similar are opiate pain medicines. The main difference is the packaging, and the appearance of safety. They are FDA approved after-all. When I started self-medicating, I was in a nursing-school program slated to graduate in December 2000. Between the months of Sept and Dec I had an evil monkey on my back. The cycle of fear set in. I graduated on time and got my license which led to a career with unlimited access (by theft) to any kind of controlled substance a person can imagine. My secret life was exposed in 2004 and I was given the gift of intervention by my manager. It was relieving at first, of course if my story ended there I wouldn't be here now. My license would have been restored in 2007, I relapsed all the way through the nurse diversion program to revocation of my license.
My revocation period is up and I'm on my way to regain my license. In this journey I have gained an unbreakable sense of faith. So, painful as it has been I have to be grateful, and see it as a blessing in disguise. Which at times is a bitter pill to swallow (no pun intended, LOL). One of my major successes is not digging through a guests bags to see what kind of medications they may have left in my home while out sight-seeing. That was two days ago. I can relate to the obsessing and stealing, I finally feel hopeful. Only because of trying something new: listening to advice to get a sponsor and work the steps of narcotics anonymous, taking advantage of the enormous support in this life-restoring community. ATTEND MEETINGS, GET A SPONSOR AND WORK THE STEPS.
I can understand your fear and hesitation about going to an NA meeting. I was there myself. You can continue to try and live clean on your own, or you can just surrender to the fact that you are powerless to control your using. That's where NA comes in. Your never alone. Your story is one you'll hear many times in the rooms. We all stole, we all lied. You don't have to live like that ever again. Welcome to this forum, and please, keep coming back.
