For those of you who have lots of clean time, could you share with me your experiences with early recovery and what got you to really stick it out and stay with the program and work the steps? Did you relapse and come back stronger? What was it that kept you following through and sticking it out?
I am new to this. I've had a few relapses but have come back more dedicated to working this program. I have a history of enthusiastically embracing something, only to lose later lose interest and not follow through. I don't want this to happen this time. I really want what you guys have. With all of my heart, I want this!!! I want to live. I don't want to succumb to my addiction because I don't have another go around in me....I will die. I want my recovery to be #1 in my life. For a person like me, it's easy to just 'blow things off'....i.e., "I have too much to do, so I'll go to a meeting TOMORROW".....
I would really get a lot out of your shared experiences of early recovery......how was it? What made you stick around?
Hi Deb, You sound like you are ready to do what it takes to stay clean, and that's a good thing. For me, I just didn't want to live the life I was living any more. I was tired, beat up, and willing to do whatever it took to get and stay clean. Yes, there is a relapse in my story. Even though it only lasted one day, it was something I needed. I had drifted out of the program and was running head long back to my old ways. I had tried everything that our literature talks about to get and stay clean. Religions, therapists, medical doctors, psychiatrists, eastern guru types, moving, etc, etc. etc. In many cases i kept returning to things that failed hoping that this time would be different. It was only when I found NA and the right sponsor (can't emphasize enough that the right sponsor makes all the difference) and started living the program that my life changed. You have to give this program (way of life) a chance. You didn't become an addict overnight so nothing is going to ease your pain overnight. It doesn't work that way. But as you learn about addiction and recovery at meetings, and work the steps with your sponsor to learn about yourself, and trust in a higher power, things start to change. Little by little you become less fearful, less dependent, you anger less easily, and so on. It's a slow process, you may make wonderful strides in some areas, yet drag slowly in others. But we keep coming back. We keep working the steps, going to meetings, calling our sponsor, and we don't pick up no matter what. Surrender......stop fighting.....Let yourself embrace a new way of life. what have you got to lose?
Late 70's had 6 to 9 months Clean, don't really remember for sure, and went back out for a couple years. I hadn't fully surrendered. Thought I could handle it as long as I stayed "organic", no hard drugs. I was wrong, the shrinks that taught me that if I knew myself well enough I could use responsibly like normal people were wrong. Pot and alcohol kicked my ass and took me down just like Herion. Finding my way back to NA wasn't easy for this self-centered ego maniac addict.
I have no doubt I have a relapse left in me. My disease of addiction isn't ever going away. Don't fear dying from a relapse, I was a survivor and would simply exist in a state of constant misery. What I didn't and don't know is would I have another chance, would I ever become humble enough again to make it back if I did go back out? I was seeing a glimpse of hope, go back out and it would be gone forever. I came to believe One Day At a Time using was never an option again no matter how crappy live seemed at moment, I fully surrendered and became willing to do whatever it took. I was told and came to believe not getting loaded was simple, just don't use no matter what. Didn't say it was necessarily easy, but damn simple just don't pick up no matter what.
I was sick and tired enough to become really willing to try and be honest and openminded and listen and learn. I became willing to put as much effort into my recovery as I had been into finding ways and means to stay loaded. I heard it's hard to fall off the edge if you're in the middle. I was told by the winners, those I saw who'd been around a bit with a twinkle in their eyes and a fire burning bright for recovery that just seemed to emanate from their being, the middle was being of service to the still suffering addict. So I listen to what they said and got involved in service work in my first 30 days Clean while at the same time doing as was suggested making 90 meetings in 90 days. At one point held 7 service positions, by 12 years Clean had held to full term around 30 service posititions. And never stopped going to meetings, they were and are the cornerstone of my recovery.
Did I think about getting loaded when times got tough to escape, think about getting loaded when times were good, have dreams about getting loaded? Hell yes I'm an Addict! But by the Grace of God through the Power of NA I now knew didn't have to, I had been given a choice, something I never had before. And one day at a time I choose not using and life, and those one day's at time become many, and thoughts of using became less and less, dreams of using faded. Thought I was weired and really a sicko when I felt a loss and mourning when my tracks faded away. Only to discover when I shared about it in a meeting this too was normal for addicts like me! I was not alone. I had found home.
I have no answers to make anybody want to grab on and hold tight to recovery. Me, I want it like it's my last breath. Year after year see so many not able to grasp the simple concepts of the program and it sorrows me. Yet at the same time also see many stick around and there hope and strength is found. Last week at my home group saw someone I hadn't seen in a couple years, between just the two of us 58 years clean as a testament NA Works If You Want It And Work It.
Never let the early pink cloud fool you into thinking you're well. Never let getting some time fool you into thinking you're well. There is no cure for the disease of addiction but recovery is possible through constant vigilance. Keep doing whatever it takes, Keep Coming Back, in fact don't leave!
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
Hey Sullen! Blessed to see ya! December '84.whenI truly surrendered,I immediately knew I had to find other avenues to live in.I used different groups of people,to stave off early temptations and "desires to use" I started hooking up with my gambling friends,became obsessed with thoroughbred racing(what would an addict do)searched for a band that members weren't using,and eventually gave in as the "bar scene,late nights weren't condusive to recovery for me.,finally joined my church group,and spent over 10 years with accountability partners,did church service,etc,was avid hunter and joined gun clubs became secretary ,stayed active(till this day)studied Martial Arts and received a Black bELT IN tAE kWON dO IN LATE 90'S.(6 years of training) STARTED RUNNING TO LOOSE SOME WEIGHT AND EVENTUALLY BECAME OBSESSEd WITH MARATHONING,RAN BOSTON 4 TIMES AND 10 OTHER mARATHONS FROM 98 ON..During this period I had a sponsor from another fellowship(85 years old,passed on many years ago) who would just take me to meetings,never spke of steps and we never did any work.I stopped in Narcotics Anonymous periodically but always compared and never identified,when my then 17 year old son(now 24) became a hard core,live to die dope fiend,I joined Naranon for co-dependenacy reasons,Until I really settled in to the program of NA, I never found any peace .I was abstinent but as sick as ever.the progression of the disease was rampany even though I wasnt using,.Probably not the best scenario but we all have to find our own way.Only by God's grace,the program of Narcotics Anonymous and my veRy strong faith beliefs do I move forward,through step work,giving back,.sponsorship and service I live a life better than any i have knowN.It was probably 4-5 years before I realized the obsession was lifted.I still make no mistake ,that we all are still always "one bad decison away from devastation.We suffer from a disease that has no known cure but it can be arrested and recovery is then possible.If there is no known cure then we are always at risk of relapse(which by grace of God is not part of my story) I can only say,save yourself some years "out on the tiles" come in from the storm,Get the benefits of our blessed program,by doing the work,getting in the solution and giving back.For me one of our biggest suggstions tell us that "complacency is the enemy of those with substantial clean time,if complacent too long the recovery process ceases..Substantial clean time to me can be any amount,complacency is the enemy.Continue to show up especailly when you don't want to.Like it is said,As an addict with a lot of clean time,I've realized I've never attended an NA graduation party so for this addict there must be still more for me to learn.Day by day more is definitely revealed.Glad your here,'stay" you will find that new way of life a day at a time,trusting in your Higher Power and doing the work....
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
For me relapse has never been an option. Like most people I was sick and tired if being sick and tired. Almost all of my material things were gone and my wife of over 25 years had had enough and walked out.
I had known for a while I couldn't achieve sobriety alone. I tried quitting "cold turkey " and usually lasted a day or two then right back to dealers house. I volunteered for a 30 day inpatient program and I haven't looked back since. I stay invovled with the treatment center I went to. I attend meetings as often as I can and I go above and beyond what is asked of me to help other addicts avoid that bottomless pit I was in for so long. I now chair meetings, mop floors, give rides...whatever I can do to help others.
I never forget than I am an addict and one hit and I'm right back down at the bottom of that pit where I was. I remind myself that I worked too hard for 2 1/2 years to stay clean and I won't let it go no matter what anybody thinks or says.
My little bit of sobriety is my #1 priority and I guard it closely.
Hi sullen, for me I had to keep things simple. In previous recoveries I found myself fighting for my recovery. I had to be the perfect little recovering addict, The perfect little sponsee and the perfect little tea person it was still all about control for me, this time round I have learnt to surrender really surrender. I had to learn to slow down and work the steps slowly so that I could truely embrace what it felt like to be living in the step that I was working. The first 3 steps are what saved me, also just not giving myself permission to do things that would put my sobriety at risk. Surround yourself in the love of fellow recovering addicts and the programme and try not to be too hard on yourself. I needed to learn how to be kind to myself and do the little things to nurture my spirit.
I too am in early recovery. I'm uncomfortable, I am really working the program this time. With a sponsor and the steps. Unfortunately I feel like a failure as a sponsee. I am an opiate addict and recovering from surgery. I've had to use opiates for pain control. I feel like I've used too many pills since my surgery; 6 days ago. But my perception has always been off a bit. So maybe I'm doing okay. I'm afraid to be honest with my sponsor about my confusion for fear she won't sponsor me any more. I am also aware that my thoughts are typical addict-talk.
I too am in early recovery. I'm uncomfortable, I am really working the program this time. With a sponsor and the steps. Unfortunately I feel like a failure as a sponsee. I am an opiate addict and recovering from surgery. I've had to use opiates for pain control. I feel like I've used too many pills since my surgery; 6 days ago. But my perception has always been off a bit. So maybe I'm doing okay. I'm afraid to be honest with my sponsor about my confusion for fear she won't sponsor me any more. I am also aware that my thoughts are typical addict-talk.
Don't be afraid of your sponsor. Being honest to the best our ability is critical. Confusion and fear is normal for us addicts learning to deal with life without using. Your sponsor can't be of assistance if your not open with what's going on with you on the inside.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
