Seriously, sometimes I'm glad I'm an addict. Might seem like a strange thing to say. Sometimes in my interactions with normies discussing or sniveling about this and that and then not having a clue what to about handling their life challenges I find myself glad I'm an addict with a roadmap, our Steps and Traditions. Which are my spiritual guide on how to attempt to live my life. NA even comes with a built in support system I can tap into. So many normies have squat for life guidance.
Some are sicker than others, maybe that describes me thinking this kind of thing, but I don't think so. Out of six of us kids in my belly button family I was the black sheep. I'm the only dope fiend. All the rest stayed tied tight to the religion of our youth. Me, excamunicated long ago. Yet I found recovery through NA and I'm the only one who has not been divorced, except my youngest brother who died of cancer shortly after getting married. 30 years Clean and married 2 months longer than Clean. One my sisters is getting divorced again for the fourth time. My other brother divorced four times and estranged from most of his kids because of his self centered life style. Sad.
We are lucky to not only have found a way not to use if we don't want to, we have a program that fully helps me learn how to really live life on life's terms in all areas of my life. Living the NA Way has so much more to offer than just not using drugs. Maybe we really are the lucky ones.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
I'm glad I'm an addict who has found a recovery program. I'm glad I have a way of coping with life's difficulties. I am lucky to be alive and clean today--I need to remember this.
Yes we suffer from the disease of "addiction" a physical mental and spiritual illness that manifests itself in all areas of our lives.Putting down the drug ,most important,but only first stop.I am who I am today because of who I used to be allowed by God's grace and mercy!Even with strong faith beliefs before coming to the rooms I never really learned "how to live" before always keeping God on top and putting spiritual priciples in action in all my affairs.God has allowed me to choose life or death Narcotics Anonymous has definitely shown me a better way to live,even better than before I started using(although I was only a young boy of 12 years old)Now at 63 I am a child all over each and everyday,definitely a 'A 'child" of God.......
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
No, I can't honestly say that I am glad I am an addict. I can say that I am glad. Blessed in fact, to have found the 12 steps and the program of Narcotics Anonymous. It has been a life changer.
Glad maybe isn't quite the right word. But it's a feeling different than my gratitude for the NA Way program lifting the terrible burden of addict addiction. Definitely don't feel sorry or sad for being addict today. I loose nothing not putting mind altering substances in my body, instead learn to feel real feelings, really feel whether good or bad, and at the same time gain a powerful program for living and coping. The most powerful program I've seen in action. My siblings seem to continue to struggle much more than I with the crap we grew up through in our youth. And the crap we grew up through wasn't because of parents with multiple step-fathers being bad people, but sick parents who also didn't know how to live and cope, which I've come to learn is all too very normal.
If it wasn't for my being an addict pummeled into surrender by my disease, finally hitting enough bottoms surrendering and begging God for help, help eventually leading me to NA, finally finding a spiritual based program with tools that really work in my life, tools I try to share in non addictive terms with normies but usually doesn't work because of lack of empathy, and they to often continue to struggle without a path, I find I am glad, thankful, grateful, blessed what ever the word to be an addict who's been beaten into submission by my disease enough to humble myself to a power greater than myself.
Just my maybe bizarre ramblings, feel free to ignore!
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
I don't know how you can say you're glad to be an addict. I am sick of the sterotypes that are put onto me. Yes, I am an addict but, Im not glad that I am one fo ever became one. Then again I am not really working a program right now. Yes, I go to meetings and I even do service work. Everyone knows me and likes me and I am very good at telling people what they want to hear but, when I go home I am miserable and have been ever since I started the program. I have secretly been using and not even my sponser knows about this. The past two months it has gotten out of control and I am know back where I have started. I was doing my step work but, I don't believe in God or anything else. I believe in SCIENCE and we live than die and not being able to pretend to even msyelf that I have a HP has gotten me to relapse. When I was using no one knew and now Im back at it again and no one knows because they don't me. I lie every time I go to a meeting and tell people to have hope or when others look to me for guidance. I am too ashamed to tell everyone I have relapsed because the meetings I go to they do look down on you if you relapse. Sadly they are all stuck up and I pretend. None of my friends use that are "normies" and I dont use around them. I go home to an empty house every night and I feel alone and God does not give me any relief because I PRAY. I PRAY to a God I don't believe in HAHA so who am I praying to? My story is different than others yet the same. I also show up and I do what I say I am going to use. Which is probably why no one knows and inside meetings I am the one they look to because they think I am happy and cheerful when I am miserable. I am not close to anyone in the program yet I love my sponser. I constantly have the men hit on me and try to date me which are gross. I know I am ranting but, I have no answer and I am ashamed so I am asking for help. I have set up an appt with a shrink because I need help. I have been to meetings all throughout my state in hopes I would find one I felt at home. The closest I get to is my home group but that is only because I know everyone from there for a little while... People inside NA get clean then become stuck up or worse think they are living a life of a program when they lie and cheat everyday. I lie everyday with using and I cheat myself out of a clean life but, my life is different going to meetings even using. I dont steal and I look clean going to my job and blah blah blah. But how long until I break and end up dead? I am currently going through another WD because I dont want to use okay thats a lie I want to be able to use every now and then like others my age. I never got drunk before NA and now I cant have a glass of wine with my dinner ebcause its a relapse YET I am using Diluidid everyday which is worse. IM lost and the meetings dont help. I listen and listen and I hear lies I watch then do one thing then preach about something else the same as me. Im not happy being an addict I am not happy being myself and having clean time or not doesnt change it.
I don't know how you can say you're glad to be an addict. I am sick of the sterotypes that are put onto me. Yes, I am an addict but, Im not glad that I am one fo ever became one. Then again I am not really working a program right now. Yes, I go to meetings and I even do service work. Everyone knows me and likes me and I am very good at telling people what they want to hear but, when I go home I am miserable and have been ever since I started the program. I have secretly been using and not even my sponser knows about this. The past two months it has gotten out of control and I am know back where I have started. I was doing my step work but, I don't believe in God or anything else. I believe in SCIENCE and we live than die and not being able to pretend to even msyelf that I have a HP has gotten me to relapse. When I was using no one knew and now Im back at it again and no one knows because they don't me. I lie every time I go to a meeting and tell people to have hope or when others look to me for guidance. I am too ashamed to tell everyone I have relapsed because the meetings I go to they do look down on you if you relapse. Sadly they are all stuck up and I pretend. None of my friends use that are "normies" and I dont use around them. I go home to an empty house every night and I feel alone and God does not give me any relief because I PRAY. I PRAY to a God I don't believe in HAHA so who am I praying to? My story is different than others yet the same. I also show up and I do what I say I am going to use. Which is probably why no one knows and inside meetings I am the one they look to because they think I am happy and cheerful when I am miserable. I am not close to anyone in the program yet I love my sponser. I constantly have the men hit on me and try to date me which are gross. I know I am ranting but, I have no answer and I am ashamed so I am asking for help. I have set up an appt with a shrink because I need help. I have been to meetings all throughout my state in hopes I would find one I felt at home. The closest I get to is my home group but that is only because I know everyone from there for a little while... People inside NA get clean then become stuck up or worse think they are living a life of a program when they lie and cheat everyday. I lie everyday with using and I cheat myself out of a clean life but, my life is different going to meetings even using. I dont steal and I look clean going to my job and blah blah blah. But how long until I break and end up dead? I am currently going through another WD because I dont want to use okay thats a lie I want to be able to use every now and then like others my age. I never got drunk before NA and now I cant have a glass of wine with my dinner ebcause its a relapse YET I am using Diluidid everyday which is worse. IM lost and the meetings dont help. I listen and listen and I hear lies I watch then do one thing then preach about something else the same as me. Im not happy being an addict I am not happy being myself and having clean time or not doesnt change it.
Welcome to the forum, Keep Coming Back. The only requirement for membership is the DESIRE to stop using.
Of couse sick addicts lie, 'tis the nature of an addict. Don't fall into the trap of being too quick to only see the forest of sick addicts without seeing the individual trees of addicts seeking and finding recovery from addiction to the best of their ability. That is what the disease of addiction wants you to do, find fault and use it as an excuse to fail. We seek progress, not perfection. But until you get honest your chances of recovery are slim to none.
I was around NA for awhile and then went back out. I hadn't been totally honest, with myself or anyone. I got loaded and stayed loaded. My best thinking kept me loaded. I finally beat myself up enough again and made it back. For three weeks I went to 1 to 3 meetings a day, everyday, getting loaded everyday including getting loaded before every meeting just to have the courage to go to the meeting. I did know enough to keep my mouth shut and just listen and be there while loaded at those many meetings.
Then one Sunday night a Miracle happened at the meeting. (I'd been living my "Organic Lie" using but not using hard drugs.) A still small voice spoke in my mind and told me "If you want to get your head on your chest quit fooling around with pot, go get some China White like you really want. But you don't have to, you have a choice, you don't have to use if you don't want to."
After that meeting I was able to throw away my stash. That never ending burning complusion to use had been lifted from me. A terrble burden had been liften from my soul.
I don't care if you believe in God or not, try and believe in the power of NA. Fake it 'til you make it. I don't care if you're loaded, go to 90 NA Meetings in 90 Days, go loaded, go clean, JUST GO! The only requirement for membershipis the Desire to stop using!Go to 90 NA Meetings in 90 days and you too may find your way to a better way of life. Just for today, I never have to use again if I don't want to. And it's been working for me since 1980 and I hope and pray it will work for you too.
I alone can do it but I can't do it alone.
Edit: Oh, that 90 meetings in 90 days begins with the first meeting attended Clean. Go to 500 meetings loaded in 50 days if that's what it takes to get Clean and begin the journey of recovery from addiction. If you want it bad enough, and are willing to make the effort to get it, NA can work for you too. I have to want it like it's my last breath, and it works.
-- Edited by Mike M on Monday 3rd of January 2011 04:11:49 PM
-- Edited by Mike M on Monday 3rd of January 2011 04:19:36 PM
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
