we are makin the same mistake; over and over again...
Start arguing and then believe it will not hurt us this time....
Clean and serene or is this plain and simple clean and crazy ???
Why am I doin what Im doin ? Is it that this is the first time really,,, in clean time, that Ive actually faced intimate relationship feelings ?
I think so,,,
I think that I am not thikning things through and avoiding issues; the main one is anger and how it scares me and her !!!
Whence cometh the anger, and wither goeth my serenity ???
Seems like I hate bein angry so I stay angry !!!!
Yoga and Meditation and connectin with other recovering addits seems like the answer.
Each day, when Ive done one or the other or all of those options, Im OK !!! So,,, Im confused as hell as to why I dont !!!
Like yeasterday was nice,,, nice mornin with her, nice afternoon.............
Then this day again a flare up over a trivial thing,,,,,,
So here I am,, after havin made up again, after being mad again, sittin her, trying to make meanings !!!
Step 1, Step 10 in action ???? And when Im wrong, though I was not prompt in admitting it, Im hopin that when I sit now in Meditation after a walk, that I will admit fault to my own inner self,,, without reservations !!!
-- Edited by Raman on Saturday 18th of December 2010 10:49:31 AM
-- Edited by Raman on Saturday 18th of December 2010 10:51:12 AM
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Hi Raman, read your post hours ago this morning but have been busy working in my business all day. (Still am, taking a break. Roasting and bagging coffee like crazy for this last week before Christmas!)
Anyway, just read your Bio before posting. I have no answers, and I don't think you were looking for answers anyway. Just sharing because you know it helps get us centered on solutions rather than problems.
Don't know if you're in a relationship with a normy or someone who's also in Recovery. I think in some ways I'm lucky. Debi's a normy so there's only one addict in the house. I'm a sicko enough for both of us! (Whatever the hell that is really, I mean it ain't normal to me for someone to be able drink a, uno, singular, one class of wine etc.!) After three years and three engagements Debi took a chance and agreed to marry me. I was still getting loaded at the time, but living my "organic lie", no hard drugs and working etc. We married 9/11/80, two and half months before I got Clean. And yeah, I was loaded when I said "yup" not I do. But we're still married, and no way we'd still be married except I got Clean!
Relationships, man that's a hairy one. I often think I don't have a clue with 30 years Married and 30 years Clean! But really it's all good. For us sure there are disagreements at times, we be two different people. But fortunately one or both of us are (usually) always willing to give 110% rather than take. And I'll tell you, Debi is a blessing beyond belief. I mean, she's put up with me for over 30 years!
Glad I found this forum.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
For me, the steps are the key to relationships. I need to take an inventory on the problem, and find out why I am getting angry at the person. Usually, it is because they are doing something that is tapping into my fear. They are threatening my ego or making me think I won't get something I want. I need to look at my role in any arguments or conflicts we are having.
(Whatever the hell that is really, I mean it ain't normal to me for someone to be able drink a, uno, singular, one class of wine etc.!) After three years and three engagements Debi took a chance and agreed to marry me. I was still getting loaded at the time, but living my "organic lie", no hard drugs and working etc. We married 9/11/80, two and half months before I got Clean. And yeah, I was loaded when I said "yup" not I do. But we're still married, and no way we'd still be married except I got Clean!
