Hi everyone. I haven't been on this site much in quite a while. But i do check it out periodically to see what people are up to. Me: i haven't been to a meeting in a long time, I dont have a sponsor & therefore don't work the steps.....never really have. Over the summer i had my 10 year anniversary. My life is good...and full. Most of my time is spent travelling for work, so I stay busy but also have some down time. So, whats my issue? I like some parts of NA....and alot i dont. But it is one place where i fit in..... and i like being around people who are clean. I do not do alot socially...its just not my thing. I like the positivity i feel & see there. But I also have huge issues with the fact that there is no emphasis placed on the role I play in my life & my recovery..... i don't think this should be downplayed. Higher power? I made the choices to do the things that i have done and am doing today that keep my life on this path. It is not being chosen for me. I have control......and yes, i do understand what that is and what it means. And I will not call myself and addict....today. I was a low bottom dope fiend.....homeless, prostituting myself, prison...the whole nine yards. I was an addict if there ever was one. But today I am not addicted......to anything. There is a negative connotation with that, and saying that just reinforces the idea. Isn't recovery about positivity & change? Give me some feedback........
Keep coming back. What does liking NAhave to do with a program that has proven to save the a$$ of countless addicts world wide for over 50 years? Nada.
Knew a guy ahead of me in NA once with that attitude. He committed suicide with 20 years "Clean" and in what sounds like similar denial and lack of surrender to spiritual principles like you. Judging you? No, just call 'em as I've seen 'em over in over for 30 plus years.
Me, I seem to love self will run riot and often fight tooth and nail to be in control. Except it doesn't really work long term or with any real balance or serenity. Life just works better when I listen and humble myself to HP's Will.
Reality check. IF things were really so hunky dorry what the hell are you posting here for anyway...? Just to be cool and say look at me I've got 10 years and don't work shit of a program? Now that's a great message for the Newcomer, NOT!
Keep Coming Back, it Works IF you Work it...
Ok some of my post may seem harsh. And it is. It really is life and death, whether physical or spiritual death, and the latter can often lead to the former. I've seen far too many addicts die to pull punches, both Clean and after going back out. Unwillingness to surrender to spiritual principles is the main cause of death once someone finds NA.
And I love you. Keep coming back. One of the greatest paradoxes of life is strength through surrender. Fight it all you want, doesn't change what I've seen to be true in the lives of literally thousands of addicts. And some days even my own.
-- Edited by Mike M on Thursday 16th of December 2010 10:46:59 PM
__________________
Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
Hey Van leer good to see ya! there are many different roads to recovery,NA isn't the only way.For this addict though,guided by the God of my understanding,working spiritual principles in my life and reaching out to the still sick and suffering have shown me a new way of life,I am not a robot ,or a cult member and very hardheaded but I truly believe God put NA in my life to help me along the road of life.We each have to find our own way and what works for us.We say "complacency is the enemy of those with substantial clean time,if you are complacent too long the recovery process then ceases!This program works,spiritual principles worked and put in action in our lives are the "solution' and I know my life has never been better ,even before drugs and that was 1959...I hope you are doing some inward searching and reaching out by showing up here.I wish you peace and can only say KEEP COMING BACK.HAVE A BLESSED AND PRODUCTIVE DAY! Though I don't know you well ,we share a common illness and I also love you and will keep you in prayer....
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Hey Van Leer. Whatever your doing seems to be working so you find me giving you an argument. I think your sweating alot of small stuff. You like this, you don't like that...ok. the one thing I think is potentially dangerous is that you no longer consider yourself an addict. If I said that to myself, my next thought would be .....'well, if I'm not an addict then I can take just a little somethin somethin with no problem...... and then I would be off to the races again. Surrender to the program and a higher makes my life so much easier, there is no way I would want to give it up. Some people may think that is weak, or not taking responsibility or whatever....ok....It's none of my business what they think. I only know that I used to hate myself everyday. I lived in a high stress world where the only relief from stress, was drugs. Then of course there was the depression.. and the only relief from that was...............yep....drugs. And then the roller coaster ride would start all over again. Today, I wake up...thank my higher power for the life he has blessed me with today, and take life on life's terms the best I can. I call my sponsor and support group when things get dicey. I have peace of mind today, I have joy in my life today. I never knew that I could be happy in a peaceful, meaningful way. I only knew the rush and the frenzy of thrills. Today my life is way better than I ever thought it would be. I have Narcotics Anonymous to thank for that. It works for me. It's that simple.
I dropped the "I am an addict" thing a long time ago for similar reasons. I know I cannot take a drink or a drug but I don't need to keep putting myself into an old lifestyle-tinged drug nostalgia, which is what keeping the label alive and out front feels like, today. It's not denial, it is acceptance.
When I came in, in the late 70's, we all usually introduced ourselves like "Hi, I'm Lee and I'm a slimey dope fiend." Which of course I was. But I am not today. Over the years the self-labeling of the fit-in-with-the-peer-group variety evolved, as did my awareness of what being clean and growing and changing was all about. For me it's a form of growing up and acting and looking and sounding like a productive member of the society I choose to function within.
Today at meetings I tend to be a smart ass and say something like "Hi, I'm Lee and I'm a tragically deformed purple people eater who is a miracle in progress and a survivor of neurotransmission disruption." I rarely go to meetings though, and don't do sponsors, but I do use (not "work", but use) the steps in my daily life. I took the steps in the old NA manner, straight through, and continue to use them as my maintenance mode for relapse prevention.
This was before there was a Basic Text-we just had the little white booklet--and ya know what, it is still perfectly adequate. (I just read another post talking about NA workbooks with 60-some odd things to answer in order to do a first step. To me, that's just a spin off from treatment and therapy, not the heart and guts of NA and the first step, one addict helping another. Reminds me of something about "Keep it simple", or "Easy does it, but do it".
Mike M wrote " IF things were really so hunky dorry what the hell are you posting here for anyway...? Just to be cool and say look at me I've got 10 years and don't work shit of a program? Now that's a great message for the Newcomer, NOT! "
I think that sounds arrogant, judgmental, and that you,Mike, may be missperceiving Vanleer's post. Just as length clean time does not guarentee the quality of one's "recovery", if you will, neither does not doing it exactly the way you think it must be done mean one's recovery is deficient. What kind of message is THAT for a newcomer...be an NA robot or go away we have nothing for you?
-- Edited by LeeU on Friday 17th of December 2010 06:22:35 PM
__________________
From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
Yup, vanleer came to an NA focused forum and asked for feedback. So I gave feedback based on my experience, strength and hope in NA.
I too first came into NA the late 70's when all we had was the Little White Book and a few IP's. I too agree in KISS (keep is simple stupid). It's also when I first heard "work the steps or die MF". Not work the steps you happen to like, all of them. It works if you work it isn't just some idle saying.
I've seen more people die than I can count on my toes and fingers who couldn't grasp and surrender to the spiritual principles of NA, both Clean and after going back out.
So no if asked, I won't pull punches. Call it judgemental if you want, I call it Hard Love.
__________________
Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
And that my friends is the reason why I posted on here in the first place. I am not trying to be cool or brag about my situation. I am looking for suggestions and if i am not honest in what I am stating then i cannot get honest feedback. I think about things and question things that I do not understand or agree with...... I am empirical in my approach, but that is who I am. I just need to find a way to make the program work for me......something that i have yet to do. I know there is a balance somewhere.....and i understand that balance is a difficult thing to attain. So thank you!!! for your feedback. It is greatly appreciated.
And that my friends is the reason why I posted on here in the first place. I am not trying to be cool or brag about my situation. I am looking for suggestions and if i am not honest in what I am stating then i cannot get honest feedback. I think about things and question things that I do not understand or agree with...... I am empirical in my approach, but that is who I am. I just need to find a way to make the program work for me......something that i have yet to do. I know there is a balance somewhere.....and i understand that balance is a difficult thing to attain. So thank you!!! for your feedback. It is greatly appreciated.
Do you have an NA Sponsor? Do you have an NA Home Group? Do you talk with your Higher Power? (ie pray and listen) Have you been or more importantly are you now involved in NA Service work? Do you attend in person meetings regularly? (whether daily, weekly or monthly etc. regularly means what I need to keep serenity and balance in my daily life)
I have a low genius IQ with perfectionist tendancies and used to try and think things to death. I alone can do it BUT I can't do it alone. The answers are not complicated, I didn't say easy, simple for bone headed addicts like me! NA is a set principles written so simply we can follow them in out daily lives. KISS.
Who and what I am is not set in stone, I'm an evolving creature. And I am an addict.
If your approach isn't working, maybe it's time to try the entire NA Way, not just what you think you like about NA. For me, I can't pick and choose or it doesn't really work. Sure I might not use, and haven't for over thirty years, but not using is only the beginning of the Journey of Recovery from the disease of addiction.
And there's no shame, no weakness, in saying I'm am an addict, today and always. There's great power in the acceptance of my addiction and surrendering to a power greater than myself. I am far stronger and more at peace when I surrender than when I fight with my self will run riot to be in total control. Believe me I ain't just talking about self will run riot, I'm a bit of an expert!
__________________
Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
