Its funny to remember how reluctant we once were to surrender to recovery. We seemed to think we had wonderful, fulfilling lives as using addicts and that giving up our drugs would be worse than serving a life sentence at hard labor. In reality, the opposite was true: Our lives were miserable, but we were afraid to trade that familiar misery for the uncertainties of recovery.
Its possible to be miserable in recovery, too, though its not necessary. No one will force us to work the steps, go to meetings, or work with a sponsor. There is no NA militia that will force us to do the things that will free us from pain. But we do have a choice. Weve already chosen to give up the misery of active addiction for the sanity of recovery. Now, if were ready to exchange todays misery for even greater peace, we have a means to do just thatif we really want to.
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Just for today: I dont have to be miserable unless I really want to be. Today, I will trade in my misery for the benefits of recovery.
Toward the end of my using days I was miserable, but I was also afraid of what life would be like clean. What would I do? Would I have fun ever again? I am pleased to say that being clean and in recovery has been great--much better than my wildest dreams. Life is not always a bowl of cherries, but it sure beats the heck out of what is used to be like.
