We werent oriented toward fulfillment; we focused on the emptiness and worthlessness of it all.
Basic Text, p. 89
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There were probably hundreds of times in our active addiction when we wished we could become someone else. We may have wished we could trade places with someone who owned a nice car or had a larger home, a better job, a more attractive mateanything but what we had. So severe was our despair that we could hardly imagine anyone being in worse shape than ourselves.
In recovery, we may find we are experiencing a different sort of envy. We may continue to compare our insides with others outsides and feel as though we still dont have enough of anything. We may think everyone, from the newest member to the oldest oldtimer, sounds better at meetings than we do. We may think that everyone else must be working a better program because they have a better car, a larger home, more money, and so on.
The recovery process experienced through our Twelve Steps will take us from an attitude of envy and low self-esteem to a place of spiritual fulfillment and deep appreciation for what we do have. We find that we would never willingly trade places with another, for what we have discovered within ourselves is priceless.
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Just for today: There is much to be grateful for in my life. I will cherish the spiritual fulfillment I have found in recovery.
In recovery, I need to continue focusing on the positive and not dwelling on the negative. I can ruin a good day wallowing in resentment, envy, and self-pity. Eventually, I will use again if I stay focused on negativity.
To finally be comfortable with who I am and feel my Higher Power is smiling gives me total joy!!Yes some days,definitely better than others,but I have a 10th step to review before I fall off to sleep and a 3rd and 11th upon rising!!Nice to be using some tolls of hope!!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
