i'm new at this, but figured since i don't know of anyone in my situation, this would be the best way to get advice/help/support/strength. i've been married 3 1/2 years to the most amazing man i've ever met, and truly can see us living the rest of our lives together. he's been sober about a year and 1/2 from a methadone addiction (friend gave it to him years back and told him it was "just like vicodin". yeah right!). we do drink together but not excessively, and he's never had a problem with addictions of any other sort. it might be worth mentioning that we're currently renting a room from a pill-popping elderly couple (financial strains forced us to!), and that he also grew up in an intensely abusive household; physical, mental, emotional, and sexual (the last bit occurred to his sister but not him). so his past addiction is strongly tied to the post-traumatic stress disorder/anxiety disorder/depression he developed as a result of his childhood. since he's been sober, he's found a wonderful job, improved relationships with close friends and family, and has been feeling better about himself, our marriage, and our future all around. however, recently, we lost our car. our only car. we've been getting rides to/from work, and this has triggered feelings of inadequacy and his previous depression, and i worry about his sobriety. he's taken to taking a valium or soma before bed to calm his anxiety (always one only, never more, i watch closely!), which i don't like but can understand. if he doesn't, he's up all night with panic attacks. earlier tonight though, i found a bottle stashed under the bed with methadone pills in it; i.e.: what he was addicted to almost 2 years ago. they weren't there yesterday,and i didn't notice any mood swings/behavior out of the ordinary so i know he hasn't taken any yet. he has a friend he used to sell to when we were short on cash, and we're short this week, so i'm thinking that's why they were there. i flushed them all down the toilet regardless! my question is this: i haven't had a chance to talk to him about it (he's sleeping soundly) and i'm not sure how to go about it? again, i dont' think he's taken any because i've become an expert at reading his moods, and that bottle just appeared today. he has said numerous times he wants to get therapy and substance abuse help (dual diagnosis), but we have no health coverage and he works 8-5 monday thru friday. when he was going through withdrawals the last time (year and 1/2 ago), we visited 3 different clinics and were told they couldn't help us. how the hell can i get him help so we don't have to worry about him relapsing when we hit bumps in the road like this (our car situation)??? he is committed to bettering himself, and working on his mental health and subsequent addictions, and has come clean with me about everything in his past, so this bottle of pills threw me off big time. any thoughts/advice/ideas??? i guess my biggest problem is, how do you get help for someone who WANTS it but can't afford it??? and what the hell do i say to him in the morning???
The NA program in your area , free, support system, a living program, therapy for his PTSD's.
Most of us suffer from PTSD I know i did and do sometimes. These are memorys from our past that haunt us, some are more severe then others mine was as a child I hid in my closet from my dad when he came home drunk. I see ( flash back to ) this little boy huddled in a dark closet in fear . The thing is I have come to terms with that, just speaking about it with others has helped and that's the therapy for PTSD, talking about it and thats what NA offers, talk therapy.
There are a lot of different roads to 'total" freedom from active drug addiction,but Narcotics Anonymous has taught this addict how to live "after ' I put the substance down.Our disease manifests itself,physically,mentally and spiritually within us..I can only suggest ,showing up,(meeting) taking suggestions and be willing to do whatever is necessary to first remain free from the substance and get in the "solution"(steps/traditions/concepts) to learn to live 'AS LIFE ON LIFE TERMS CONTINUALLY SHOWS UP!!There may also be a need for medical assistance and thats something that only you guys can decide,,anyway... Glad you stopped in.will keep you in prayer!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Gosh you guys were quick to reply! Thank you for that :) I feel better already knowing there's people out there who can relate and/or offer some kind and wise words. I spoke to him about the bottle this morning, and he honestly didn't know what was really in it; just like the first time, he was told they were a different strength of the somas he'd been taking for his anxiety. i believe him because though he is a recovering addict, he isn't too knowledgeable about which pills look like what. it probably helps that i'm studying for my pharmacy tech license and know what he means when he says the numbers confuse him! :) anyway he thanked me for flushing them and for looking out for him in what could have been a fatal mistake. needless to say, we've both decided no more pills under ANY circumstances from here on out. we're also going to cut down our drinking together to the point of stopping completely, getting in touch with the local mental health about what exactly they CAN offer us now that he's only in need of mental and spiritual help (not physical), AND we've decided that car or no car we're saving up to get the heck out of this house a.s.a.p because our landlords' excessive drug use are increasing his anxiety/flashbacks. i know it'll be baby steps like everything else in life, but i really think we can move forward even in our current financial state, and i'm determined to stick by him and support him (and even get completely sober with him as well) as long as he's committed to bettering himself. it's been making me concentrate more on my own spiritual strength as a result. i'll keep you guys posted and probably be checking in with questions as things go along, but i just wanted to say thank you for letting me know i'm not alone in this!
