Do I believe it would be insane to walk up to someone and say, May I please have a heart attack or a fatal accident?
Basic Text, p. 24
=
Weve heard it said that unless were in love, we cant remember what love feels like. The same could be said of insanity: Once were freed of it, we may forget how truly bizarre our insane thinking can be. But to be grateful for the degree of sanity to which weve been restored in Narcotics Anonymous, we need to remember just how truly insane weve been.
Today, it may be hard to imagine saying something as ridiculous as, May I please have a heart attack or a fatal accident? No one in their right mind is going to ask for such things. And thats the point. In our active addiction, we were not in our right mind. Each day we practiced our addiction, we courted fatal disease, degradation, exploitation, impoverishment, imprisonment, death by violence, even death by sheer stupidity. In that context, the idea of asking for a heart attack or a fatal accident doesnt sound all that far out. Thats how insane weve been.
The program, the fellowship, and our Higher Powertogether, theyve worked a miracle. The Second Step is not a vain hopeit is reality. Knowing the degree of the insanity weve experienced, we can appreciate all the more the miraculous Power that has restored us thus far to sanity. For that, we are truly grateful.
=
Just for today: I will take some time to recall how insane Ive been while practicing my addiction. Then, I will thank my Higher Power for the sanity thats been restored to my life.
When I was caught up in the middle of active addiction I could not see how insane (i.e. stupid,self-destructive, and crazy) some of my ideas, attitudes and actions were. Today, I still do some stupid, self-destructive and crazy things, but with the help of a higher power, I am being restored to sanity.
I'm reminded of the insanity everyday. When I pray each morning I recite the first three steps. I don't say "my life WAS unmanageable....I say 'IS' It's better of course, but i still flip into diseased thinking just like that (avid snaps his fingers)
It feels good to becoming more sane....I was in such a fog that I thought I was ok and the rest of the world was screwed not me...lol I now realize how warped my sense of being ok was.... and I have NA to thank for that....
Restoration described in our literature" as changing to the point where our addiction and its accompanying insanity no longer controls our lives!!Nothing changes,if nothing changes,,so simple yet so true!!Seeking the will of my Higher Power each day to ensure I am changing what needs to be changed...courage to change the things I can ,and the wisdom to know the difference.....
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
