I cannot pin point when Istarted hanging out in my room more than Ido my living room but I just don't wanna leave the house or my room for that matter I leave when the dog gots to go potty and that is about it I feel drained all the time IWANT MY OLD LIFE BACK b4 this doctor got to my head....I even canceled mt therapy appointment I thought "what is the use she can only get me in every few months how is that helping me?"ppl I nave know for years I don't call then friends maybe aquanteces wonder why it is so hard to do the basic things... I am having trouble with hygiene and sleep all signs of deprresion gaining weight which scares me I did not have this by pass to get fat again crazy thought' throw all the fdood away??' I dunno what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!FML
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
HeyManon! We all do get in a "funk" now and again.we are human and when we get in our own heads to deep it gets scary and confusing at times.Feelings of resignation,"ah whats the use,,Im weary of this,it ain't getting better its getting worse,etc..hound us all..I know for me I have to change something.because like we say "nothing changes if nothing changes! You may als be having some "medication" drawbacks and that can definitely make you feel "out of sorts"I would start the "ole" gratitude list immediately..Really focus on the blessings in your life(your clean,your son is well,you are alive for another day and a lot of things we really do take for granted.The saying "our worst day clean is better than our best day using" may sound scripted but the outcome of where we were and where it brought us cannot be denied.Thats enough psycho babble from me but you know I always go here....Get with God...make some decisions and let this Power take care of the results..Ain't no joke with depression and downbound thoughts but they do occur, I can only suggest facing them, tell them they will not take you to the dark valley and hopefully "this too shall pass... I also feel throwing food away to gain weight management is probably the least productive way of addressing that issue,Im sure your aware of that(I know that was just a statement and not necessarily what you would do).May give you a direction to work on and take your mind off of "the bleak world of depression!Definitely check with your doctor! As always in support and prayer,see you when I get back North! Bringing in laws up,the adventure definitely continuing!!Peace and strength!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Manon: You're already doing it. Posting is the first step, sharing with others.
For severe depression:
First if I can muster the determination to walk for 30 minutes even in the house I do that while I do these things in this order.
I think of everyone I know in recovery whether I necessarily like them or not. I pray over and over good stuff for other people. I pray sometimes very fake, phony sounding prayers that I don't really mean at all. I pray for their highest and best good according to my Higher Power and not my opinion. I spend time doing this while I'm doing all of the following, I never stop praying for others while I feel depressed.
The next thing I do is call my sponsor, if he doesn't answer I have another member of my support group that I call. I keep calling until I get an answer.
I go to a meeting whether I want to or not.
I write, write, write. I write gratitude lists, prayers, poems, stories. I write my life, I write fiction tales, I write feelings, I write beliefs, I write dis-beliefs.
When I talk I tell the truth better when I'm in pain.
I read as much step/recovery stuff as I can focus on and I play recovery tapes if I have them.
OK MANON - THIS MAY SOUND HARSH BUT I AM ONLY TRYING TO SPEAK TO YOUR SPIRIT - SO I HOPE YOU HEAR TRUTH FOR YOU: YOU JUST RECENTLY CAME OFF A RELAPSE - CORRECT? YOU ALSO BEEN GOING THRU SOME ISOLATION STUFF? POSSIBLY SOME PARANOIAH STUFF? AND PROBABLY ALOT OF OTHER STUFF? WHAT I KNOW TO BE TRUE - THE LONGER WE DON'T PICK UP - THE MORE WE ARE ABLE TO BE RATIONAL -REGARDLESS OF MENTAL ILLNESS - WITH MEDICATION IF NEEDED ; WITH OUTSIDE HELP AND THE HELP OF NA - I HAVE SEEN TOTAL CHANGE IN FOLKS - BUT WHAT I SEE IS FOLKS TRULY TAKING RESPONSIBILITY TO DO WHAT IT TAKES - I UNDERSTAND THE DISEASE OF ADDICTION - AND I UNDERSTAND IT TAKES MANY FORMS - THOSE FORMS CAN BE ARRESTED THRU WORKING THE STEPS..I WAS TOLD IF NOTHING CHANGES..NOTHING CHANGES..SEE I AM NOT HERE TO BLOW SMOKE UP YOUR ASS OR ANYONE ELSES - I AM HERE TO OFFER A MESSAGE OF HOPE AND JUST LIKE THOSE WHO HAVE PASSED OR DIED TO THIS DISEASE - IT HAD TO COME TO A "CHOICE" WE STOP BLAMMING, WE START ACTIVELY TAKING PART IN OUR LIVES" OR WE DIE OR BE MISERABLE - SO MY MESSAGE TO YOU - TAKE PART IN YOUR LIFE - GO OUTSIDE, TAKE A RISK , PRAY TO YOUR HP - GET THE HELP YOU NEED- TAKE RESPONSIBILITY - SEE THIS DISEASE WANTS US TO PLAY...THAT WAY IT HAS A LONGER WAY TO KILL YOU. I WAS TAUGHT TO CONFRONT WITH ALL I GOT AND SOMETIMES CONFRONTING HURTS - BUT IT PENETRATES WHERE THE DISEASE HIDES OUT IN..SO KNOCK IT OFF - GET YOUR ASS IN RECOVERY AND QUIT PLAYING WITH YOUR LIFE
HI Manon. I know depression. He and I have a long and intimate relationship. It controlled my life for many years. Much of the worst damage in my life was from depression and the drugs I took (prescribed and other) to deal with it. that was then. Now, I have more peace, stability, and yes even joy in my life than I have had for many many years. "the solution is in the steps" Your 'disease' is not just depression, or physical problems, or addiction. It is all of that plus the spiritual vacuum these conditions have left you in.(hopelessness) If you can work the steps, especially one two and three, honestly and with genuine conviction then you are well on your way. Surrender to you YOUR disease. How hard is that? I mean it's pretty clear that your powerless over this and that your life is unmanageable right? Come to believe that only a power greater than yourself can restore you...You certainly can't so what's the problem? Make that decision to turn your will and your life over to that HP and seek His will for you, just for today. It is amazing how our lives get better when we let God drive the bus. then there is the practical stuff...feeling down? OK doggie needs to go out. but add 10 or 15 minutes to his walk for your walk...pick up the pace...Get the heart pumping a little. Force yourself to do healthy things that will help you feel better. There's just no way around it...we have to put in some work. Just a little. Just for today. One day at a time, we get better. I pray for you often.
Manon ,You take care depression can be a bad place,isolating can make depression worst.I have depression bad.Just by posting here and other sites it is sharing and letting some of it go.Take dog out even if it doesn,t have to potty,your dog loves you unconditionally no matter what.We an yell at them ,but they still come back for a pat and to give a lick.
I'm with Avid and Joe B, just to keep it simple. With a bypass, it is imperative that the proper amount of food---no more--no less--be taken. You don't have to like it (eating right) but you sure as shootin' ought to do it! Fiesty's last line ain't so bad either...fair "advice", IMHO. And Mike's as well...get with God. The last thing you need is to cultivate, indulge, and nurture agoraphobia. How did it help to cancel the therapy appointment???? Maybe you can get a reschedule if you call & ask.
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
