Hi everyone and I hope your LAbor Day weekend was a good one for everyone! I have not been here for awhile . Or to any other meeting, done any step work or even read my daily books.....Im sick. ALL of my old bad habits have resurfaced , yet I have not used. I know in my head that if I did not go to an addictionologist and was not onthe medication Im on...I may very well have used by now and for that Im grateful., ( I know its a BIG sore spot and debate over being on medications whne you have a chronic pain issue such asI do, but thats not the point of this part post)
So, I am As sick as the person who walks in on day one, well mabe ill give myself a little credit and say maybe someone with a couple months clean...WHen I feel all the old ways resurfacing and I let them one by one take over my life again, I am losing all that I had gained! My spirituality is the first to go.I get the negative way of thinking ,speaking,adn acting returning...I smoke waaayyy tooo much and weidly when im not sick I am not this sloppy of a smoker but when I let myself get to this point, I smoke just like I did back then...not worrying ab dropped ashes etc,,, I am spending way too much time on the computer in virtual reality and not in the here and now moving forward... then theres the time clock problem. WHen I get like this, with all the NA ways and my spirituality at a low....I cant seem to have a NoRMAL bedtime. I am up all night , try to sleep from like 4 or 5 am til like 11 or 12 and drag myself through the days...not accomplishing what Im supposed to BE . SO yes after 3 and half years clean and MUCH of that time being in a wonderful, spiritual, and meaningful "zone" ----- u can still be very sick if you lose your focus and dont work your program! To newcomers, and those who are newly clean please head the advice that it tells us that you have to continue on and work all 12 steps , and continue to love each other and help other addicts...was told if I ALWYS did 5 things i COULD NOT fail and it was right! Read the big book, go to meetings, work your steps, have a sponsor and USE that sponsor, and PRAY...I could not fail it was impossible. I didnt fail when iwas doing all those things, then we moved from LA and my homegroup back to CHicago where im from and its been all sownhill since I have got here. I KNOW what to do , I know how to fix this, so whats stopping me, wheres the problem. I am NOT using but i am as sick as sick gets, my stinking thinking has been at an all time high...I am reaching out to my friends here, those who have known me since I liced in Louisiana a few months back when i was on here every day. I am scared I will all that I have gained-theres is alot at stake here. My marriage , my kids , all f it and I cant seem to "get it" and regain my spiritual balance.
Glad to see your back with us. I think your post is a good start to getting back the spiritual fitness you used to have. Just showing up can work wonders. You can't help but hear the message. You replace idle time with recovery time. You will get better. Just keep coming back. You were missed.
hEY cAROL ,GOOD TO SEE YA!!!! yUP LIKE i HAD STATED YESTERDAY WE ARE NOT BAD PEOPLE TRYING TO GET GOOD,WE ARE SICK PEOPLE TRYING TO GET BACK.Starts with admission,then surrender and yes,the work..Our steps are the principles that make our recovery possible!!!Recovery as experienced through our 12 steps is our goal and not mere physical abstinence..Ain't that the truth...Have a blessde day and get right at it!!!Just for Today,I will be unafraid,my thoughts.....................
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Hi Carol, thanks for posting what you going through.......just like you I started to go insane all over again at 2yrs clean......I did the same thing, moved didn't have any NA meetings in my new home town, so I stopped doing all the suggested things, until like you I got to the point where I couldn't deny what was happening to me.....Thats when I needed to put some action into my life. I started to work the steps again from the beginning with a new sponser that I found online. It's only been been 1 month and things have changed dramatically for me. I pray that you to can find the peace that I have found by working the programme.... Take care my recovery sister and I hope to see more posts from you in the near future xxxx
We are people with self will run riot we are undisciplined , God and the program can discipline us . The other choice is to try and do it on our own, the way we did it before coming here but you see where that gets us LOL, right back here.
I often have to recomitt myself to this, and not sit on my butt for to long I seldom let a day or more go by with out showing up to a meeting, or let a few weeks go by without contacting my sponsor . I try daily to do the meditation and morning prayer and stay in the readings daily. Just things I do so they become normal regular routine, all suggestions that work for me and can work for you.
