Hello everyone, I haven't posted anything here in quite a while. I do check in from time to time and perhaps leave a comment or two. This board has helped me so much in the past I was looking for a little more today. I'm not even sure where to start... I've been clean little over 7 years, I have been deeply involved in the fellowship, done service, worked the steps more than once, and I sponsor other addicts in my area. I have always been enthusiastic about my recovery and eager to attend meetings and excited to share with a newcomer what I have found here. All in all, my life is really fantastic, especially when I remember where I came from. Here's the probelm...
Lately I have been feeling less and less connected to the fellowship. I find myself feeling relieved and actually kinda happy when a sponsee calls to cancel our step work appointment. I have even recently made a lot of excuses for not attending meetings. I got clean in a large NA community and have had the luxury of attending as many meetings as I ever wanted. I went to 6 to 10 meetings a week for the first 6 yrs of recovery... Today I feel bored with my life in recovery... I understand the phrase from our literature, "Life may once again become meaningless, monotonous, and boring..." I hate even writing this because after all NA has given me I feel ungrateful and like I'm whining... Jees this sux! Dunno guys, guess I'm just reaching out, trying to get a better perspective on my life. I will read and appreciate all comments and suggestions regardless of cleantime. Newer members have helped me more than oldtimers before at times. Thank you in advance...
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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
Hey Dan! Thanks for your honest sharing..I believe at some time or other we all go through a down period. Kind of reminds me of literature in our third step,talks about "commitment" being able to continue working the process even when we aren't seeing any positive results or it kind of seems meaningless.One of the biggest writings that keeps me focused is in recovery and relapse"COMPLACENCY IS THE ENEMY OF THOSE WITH SUBSTANTIAL CLEAN TIME,IF WE ARE COMPLACENT TOO LONG RECOVERY THEN CEASES...I spent early years in program and when my first sponsor died,I went forward on my own,for over 22 years,clean and free from active addiction but life and self will run riot, When I came back to the process I found that I was able to incorporate "a new way of life" into my existence and 'really change my attitudes and behaviors"I do get weary ,but never as weary as I was when I was active...Being aware of your feelings,sharing them honestly and seeking the will of your Higher Power will bring you back around.Sometimes I also feel like I don't want to think about,deal with or listen to others situations and life happenings cause I can't get out of myself.Those are really the times I have to stop/look deep,make some kind of changes(don't even know what they are)and continue sharing my feelings.So far I have been able to stay focused one day at a time.We have had much pain and heartbreak in our family life over last few years and I really do get worn out and sometimes want to scream and run away,but through practice ,work and honest sharing and can face the "joy and pain" and be thankful I even have emotions,cause for awhile I didnt seem to.I am not telling you anything you don't know and have worked through but I am in support.climb a mountain,race a motorcycle,join an art class take up archery,something to shake up your being,I have found it has helped me through the years.I am still trying to run marathons,play in rock and roll bands,become active member of my church,staying as physically fit as possible and doing things that take me out of my comfort zone,it gets me out of my head..I hear you loud and clear,will keep you in prayer and hope you get turned around and back into some serenity and renewed fervor for our process....I also feel like at times I am "whining" ,not so,....I am finally able to share whats going on with me and "one helping another is for real with me.I need you and we need each other.peace man!!thanks for your service and your continuing work in the process....stop back in let us know whats shaking!!!!..
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Thanks Dan. Perfect topic for me. I did exactly the same thing you're talking about and 7 years is some sort of milestone to my understanding. It was at about the same time I sort of woke up to alot of things that were around me:
Inventory revealed I was doing the Salvation Army H & I meeting for the 6th year in a row. I was involved in Group Conscience level and area level service. I had a full time job and the love of my life was going back to college. And the big one was 5 or 6 people to sponsor.
What I found was I had made a pendulum swing. I was going at recovery like getting high, both feet in, afraid if I let go, I'd relapse. Someone explained moderacy to me. So I went at moderacy by dividing everything by 2 at first.
The truth is, it's 14 years later and I make 1 to 3 meetings a week unless something is happening, I check in here, I can really only sponsor 2 or 3 guys, and only 1 newcomer (I'm from DFW area and alot of availability). I try to wait till someone asks me to offer my opinion at GC and I don't hold any positions unless they can't find a phone list person but someone takes that on in a few months.
I have a good job and am starting a business. Now my focus is on continuing to change the things that make me a better person.
I think you are right where you are suppose to be - for me when I get like that - Its pretty much an awareness check time - Probably time to work steps on "Me" - probably time to get back to basics - and the "thinking" back to basics - I truly believe in spiritual warfare - sometimes there is a battle within us- which is always in total conflict with ourselves..So what I do - Is do this stuff any ways - call my sponsor, go to meetings, share, write, and pray and don't pick up - Eventually I will get another moment of clarity, I get balanced, I move more into the positive and my actions are clearer also...Could be time for growth in another area you may be holding back in..Hang in there buddy
sounds like the Honeymoon is over, and it is time to rekindle whatever the excitment you felt in the beginning.
I believe our "relationship" with the program is in "direct proportion to our spiritual conditioning"
I have experienced a couple of downtimes in my sobirety. Daily inventory usually helps me to get back on track. Usually I have eliminated something, and the incidiousness of our disease will begin to show its ugly head.
You made the appropiate step; talking it out....Isn't it amazing when we see the program working?
Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. I'm here only 24 hours later and I can already feel myself turning the corner, so to speak. I went to my homegroup yesterday before posting here and shared briefly about what I was feeling. I went to a meeting at lunchtime today that I used to secretary for but havent been to in over a year... I heard exactly what I needed to hear to reawaken my Gratitude. One member who had over 10 yrs clean when I first came around 9 yrs ago, shared that she was just coming back from a 4 year relapse. She talked about how hard it is to come back when one has had significant time in this process... how hard to humble oneself and ask for help from those SHE had greeted as newcomers. Gave me a greater appreciation for where I am... Another member shared about how hard it was to keep coming in spite of being labeled a chronic relapser. How for over 20 years he's been trying to get this thing and never had more than a few months clean... I heard exactly what I needed to hear to help me begin the renewal, without even sharing myself. Then went to lunch with a member and fellowshipped for the afternoon... I believe in the principle of 'confirmation' for direction. For the third time, including once on here, (thanks MikeF) I have heard about participating in hobbies or activities outside the recovery community. One oldtimer, a spiritual advisor of mine, has suggested the same thing saying that I need balance. Life is not ALL recovery and I need to take what I'm learning in NA and apply it in the 'real world.' I feel like I'm on my way in the right direction again thanks to my NA family, and even tho I expect some bumps along the way, I know at least I'm moving again, and not 'stuck in stagnation.' Thank you everyone who commented and for those who have yet to. I'll keep checking back for more replies... Until then... Be Easy...
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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
All that's been shared here is right on the money. I'm a big believer in practicing moderation and balance in my life, including NA. When I first got clean, I too was going to meetings all the time, etc., etc. I still go, but only about 2 per week. I am still involved in service, works the steps, sponsor people, have a sponsor and so on. What I think happens to a lot of people is they get NA burnout from doing so much NA for so long a time. It is hard to maintain that level of intensity. But that's okay. You can cut back a bit and still be fine. The important point is that you keep coming back. The people that go back to using after many years clean are the people who stop going to meetings. I've heard many people share on this, and that was the one thing in common: they stopped going to meetings. So, keep coming back!
