I pray, go to meetings, but then something comes over me.. I am not even in physical withdrawl, but some "thing" some impulsiveness takes over and I do it even when I really have no need to. I am so tired of this. When am I going to think think THINK about the consequences BEFORE I do stupid things..
If you're talking about using drugs, then you've hit on the insanity of the disease. For me, the key is to not pick up the first drug. I need to ask for help from a higher power to do this, because I cannot control my drug use by myself. For me, I need to change my way of thinking to stop using drugs too, because my mental obsession with drugs led me back to using time and time again.
I found a ot of indetification with what you just shared,, 12 Step recovery has been a process,, bright part is that over the years the impulsiveness has almost gone,, still there at times; thankfully few and far between...
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I am coming to accept that "thing" you're describing as the way the disease of addiction has manifested itself in my life. I have to refer back to the Italics part of what can I do, the minutes grow into hours, the hours into days and before you know it...
I have to refer to that about everything that changes the way I feel. I haven't seen one diagnosis that fits my behavior patterns like those outlined in the Basic text. My disease is Addiction and it mainfests itself in every aspect of my life.
I have continually thought over the years; If only I could stop... If I could just.... If she would just... I'm coming to grips in my recovery process that the card you guys keep handing out every time I go to a meeting. The disease of addiction is incurable, it can however be arrested at some...
-- Edited by JoeB on Wednesday 11th of August 2010 04:29:35 PM
