We feared that if we ever revealed ourselves as we were, we would surely be rejected.
Basic Text, p. 32
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Having relationships without barriers, ones in which we can be entirely open with our feelings, is something many of us desire. At the same time, the possibility of such intimacy causes us more fear than almost any other situation in life.
If we examine what frightens us, well usually find that we are attempting to hide an aspect of our personalities that we are ashamed of, an aspect we sometimes havent even admitted to ourselves. We dont want others to know of our insecurities, our pain, or our neediness, so we simply refuse to expose them. We may imagine that if no one knows about our imperfections, those imperfections will cease to exist.
This is the point where our relationships stop. Anyone who enters our lives will not get past the point at which our secrets begin. To maintain intimacy in a relationship, it is essential that we acknowledge our defects and accept them. When we do, the fortress of denial, erected to keep these things hidden, will come crashing down, enabling us to build up our relationships with others.
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Just for today: I have opportunities to share my inner self. I will take advantage of those opportunities and draw closer to those I love.
Until I released myself with my 4th and 9th steps.I had inner fear and guilt about where I came from .Working in the solution has taken me in a new direction and I give my fear to God and trust in the daily process..but it is a 'work in progress"!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
For me fear has a purpose; moderacy is my goal, especially in relationships. I have to learn at some point, only to trust the trustworthy, sometimes not only are walls good, they can be necessary. I have to be trustworthy first then I attract trustworthy people. Until I learn that, walls are just fine.
I've managed to develop a fine support group of trustworthy folks that I can open up to and let them see who I am. But it isn't true for everyone I meet.
I like the way both Mike and Don put it: It's a process, and a little at a time is fine, even with bringing down walls.
Yeah I have to lean toward self centeredness,"'all for me,you come next."wives,(not a harem only 3:).. finances, commitments,etc..........Fortunately when I am working hard, those days are very limited.I now work toward God, others and self(with the last two being interchangeable based on how I am hearing God's message for me)
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
