I have to have a power greater than my self that can and will restore me to sanity and could and would if he were sought I know there is some AA ion there not by fault just that was my gateway drug therefore that is where Iatarted my hands are shaking sot=rry for the typos I journaled today something stuck out cause when Ijournal I do it kinda free thought if ya will but the part that stuck out was "I've prayed and feel betrayed no answers yet Where is the God that said he would never forsake me? THa God whos footsteps TYOU see the one that delivers from EVIL?? IF everything has a purpose wtf is this?" I find that Iam at step 2 and stuck my faith has ran out and don't know where to restore it any suggestions as I opnce agan have started at step one and day 6
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
Hey Manon,good to see ya! Good deal,nothing wrong with going right back to the beginning,step by step.Our literature tells us that 'RESTORATION is coming to a point where addiction and its accompanying insanity no longer control our lives.When the drug use has been put away is also tells us 'we came to believe THAT a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.2 KEY WORDS THAT AND COULD. That ,meaning not what this power is but what this power can do for us.And could meaning that we will have to continue working on this as it may be a "process and not an event.Willlingness or even as it says "acting as if"believing what we hope for will happen.Spiritual principles trust,humility ,patience all the things that are difficult for us have to be practiced daily.The God of our understanding doesn't function like we think He should.Its often said in Gods time not ours things will happen.I like the principle of commitment that takes place next in 3rd step and tells us that tunring it over to God continuously even when we dont seem to see any positive effect happening in our lives(we may not even have a clear concept what this God is?).,thats the could part in step 2..We can start with our hope(step 1),turning to faith(step 2)turning to trust(step 3).Remember that power can be anything greater than yourself,and only suggestions that it be loving and caring and greater than you.The group,based on the evidence,your sponsor,spiritual principles of the program,good orderly direction(for now)you dont have to have any understanding of this power for you just that it will help you stay clean and continue to seek recovery..Part of our insanity is we want what we want and we want it now,we don;t like practicing and not seeing immediate results.I look at it like for 25 years I practiced addiction and most likely will take me all of that to practice all the spiritual principles patience,tolerence,willingness,selflessness,page is too short here for my work I need to do..This is not meant to be any kind of lesson cause I am just another addict trying to help another with my thoughts and experiences that have helped me..Im here in support and will pray ,as always you find the "power " you need to move forward.It tells us this step is necessary in order to move forward in our recovery and many of us pass over this with a minimum of concern only to find out next principles wont work!!Peace my friend...commander Cody signing off!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
My dear friend,, the ways of faith are at times strange. It's called the Mystery Of Faith.. It will always be a mystery why humans for time immeorial have believed in a God that was never seen,, and that God does not answer prayers or provide answers all the time., And humans still choose to keep on believeing.
In my recovery, Ive learnt that faith comes and goes and as the years add on, the faith has'nt got worse.
The biggest lesson Ive learnt is that Faith without Works is dead,,,, Pray and Meditate I must, but for the prayers to be answered and the Meditation to lead to the Light, I need to do my bit. Action is the magic word.
When I was a newcomer, I got a lot of serenity and solace in reading these lines " do not be upset if you have failed to live up to your expectations of yourself. Remember, if you have stayed clean today, then you are doing something right". ( I.P. Living the Program).
Moreover, I try and remember that this is a spiritual and not religious Program. I may do wrongs but I wont call it a sin or call myself a sinner. I may be greedy and hateful at times, but I will not say this is because I am immoral,,just that I have to admit wrongs (promptly of possible) and move on. My faith may waver at times, but I wont call myself strayed or lost,,, just me testing God...
After all, if the Lord is indeed the shepard, then God is more bothered about the sheep that was there but is now missing !!!!! So, truly, I have nothng to fear cause when Im with the heard, God is looking after us all, and when Im not with the herd, God asks the herd to look after themselves and comes looking for me !! My own understanding of the faith-process.........................................
In practical terms, God of my understanding is the Force that keeps me clean (and serene). This is not based on dogma but on experience of a Loving and Caring Power Geater than myself and addiction.
" We will love you till you learn to love yourself".....or so I was told......................
-- Edited by Raman on Monday 21st of June 2010 03:34:20 AM
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
As my ll-year-old friend Tasha sat down to eat some noodles she had cooked for lunch, I asked her, "How did your noodles turn out?" Tasha smiled and answered, "Perfect-as usual!" Tasha's answer reminded me that perfection is our natural state. Life was intended to work perfectly; it does and it will. Those who attune their vision to behold perfection will find it, create more good, and enjoy it. Those whose sight is set on loss, victimization, and death will continually manifest those experiences.
Some psychologists did an experiment on children's attitudes. They took a child who was considered negative and unappreciative and placed him in a room with a collection of new toys. He played with each toy for a few minutes and then complained that he was bored. Then the scientists took a child described as positive and optimistic and put him in a room with a huge pile of horse manure. Soon he smiled and exclaimed, "This is great!"
"Why is that?" one of the researchers asked him.
Quickly he answered, "There must be a pony somewhere!"
Miracles, perfection, healing, and happiness are not elusive and remote conditions. They represent our natural state, given as our birthright from God. We were not born to suffer; we were born to be happy. To find and live the truth, we must reverse the "laws" taught by the world. If something can go right, it will. Death and taxes are not sure things. The purpose of relationships is love. To find the good is not Pollyanna; it is the only way that works.
Experiment for a day, week, month, year, or lifetime by claiming, "Perfect as usual," and refuse to settle for less. The life available to you is far greater than the one we have accepted.
Help me remember that I deserve love. Show me the world You intended for me to enjoy.
I live in a world of good. I claim perfection now. (Daily Meditation; In the Rooms)
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
We continue to seek clarity thru prayer, meetings, sponsorship and continue to do so until FAITH shows up in our lives
Beautifully said Teri.
I was at a fathers day barbecue yesterday. There was a discussion about God. One man said there can't be a God because otherwise He would never let innocent babies die.
I understand the sentiment. I think that pain and hardship are included in the "package" God has presented us. The universe is the way it is because that is the way it must be. What we call flaws are actually essential aspects that we don't like.
There is no lack of perfection, there is only our lack of acceptance.
I pray for you to find peace Manon. I wish it for all of us including, and perhaps especially me.
Good to see you are writing,that can get things out that stay inside that need to be changed by letting it go.Take care,everyday is a new one. 
