I have this problem which keeps re-occuring to me, and it burns me up every time it does, last night I went to a Hispanic NA convention on Hollywood Beach Florida, as I entered the main ball room where the main meeting was under way, I ran face to face into this lady member of the area where I attend n/a meetings, as I prepared my self to be polite and say hello , she looked away and totally ignored me, even though we were right in front of one another, I walked past and found a seat , I thougroly enjoy the speaker ,who was from Cartagena, Colombia wow did he have a story , he was very inspiring and seemed to touch on every detail of his journey thru addiction and his new way of life in n/a afterwards I helped out picking up the chairs, then walked into the hospitality room where I picked up an orange and eat it near a garbage can close to the entrance, I glanced up as I saw this other young lady which i'm familiar with in my area, and noticed that for a split second she saw me too, but instead of saying hello she chose to look down at the floor and walk past me, I know I'm not the greatest looking guy, or the friendliest but i'm trying dammit , and both of these bitches have some time in the program , it burns me up that they can't bring themselves to be a little friendlier if at least in the name of compassion, I finished eating my orange and proceeded to go home avoiding eye contact with anybody as I left the place bitter, and angry, what can I do to be able to handle this repeating occurance, it's not the first time and i'm sure it won't be the last., should I send them a message on face book as i know they frequent there or simply work on myself............................
both of these bitches have some time in the program , it burns me up that they can't bring themselves to be a little friendlier if at least in the name of compassion, I finished eating my orange and proceeded to go home avoiding eye contact with anybody as I left the place bitter, and angry,
Ok, so they are bitches and you are bitter and angry.
should I send them a message on face book as i know they frequent there or simply work on myself.....
Hey Hugo! I personally wouldn't send them a message on a web site especially if face to face wasn't happening.I have had people in my home group seem to ignore me but because I really concentrate on not needing their validation of me, although I do believe we alll would like to be liked , I just let it go, some people may not care for me ,or maybe some other reason but I can't control that.Some people are just outright rude also,we are addicts and some sicker than others..Maybe they are what you said,maybe they are afraid of you,maybe they just dont like you?? I dont know.If it really brings you to a "bad head scenario" you might want to approach them and make an extended effort to say hello??? If it still is "cold as ice"then thats what it is,you can loose any resentment keep yourself together and move on..Good luck man,know the God of your understanding loves you and just because you may want to share that love some may not be receptive,thats on them not on you.....peace
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Hey hugo i've been going to the same meeting place almost daily for 6 months and theres people there who STILL DONT TALK TO ME lol, I see them friendly talking to others but i think a lot of them are just shy folks just like me. As far as confronting them gals ,maybe just focus on who WANTS to be your friend and cherish them , some of us can be intimidating and look unfriendly, check yourself do your own inventory like your doing dont try to figure out others we dont know what there thinking.
I've seen this before and I'm afraid I've actually done it to people in the past. Today I try to be very aware of the way I treat others. I call this behavior, "Invisibilizing people." Rather than second guess what they are thinking I have to tell you that the times I've been guilty of it it was about my self esteem. I still struggle with it today, but I don't think I have the habit of invisibilizing people anymore.
I believe that when I did do it, it was because I simply didn't think I had anything to offer. I had very limited social skills and simply chose to ignore that and hope it went away. I was also extremely unaware of the impact my behavior had on others. I have seen the damage that it actually caused and had to make many amends behind it.
The way it worked for me was that as people came in I was able to welcome them and say the cliche's, keep coming back, offer some encouragement, etc. But I really didn't know how much I could offer if I would just look at them and smile, or acknowledge that I saw them. Instead I chose to be alone with my thoughts and moods.
A lady Pat H. in Fort Worth who welcomed me in over 20 years ago told me during my first few months clean that the less someone seems to deserve love, the more they need it. She made it to the infinity key tag.
You've really opened my eyes to wondering a couple of things: 1) do I ever do this now when I'm feeling vulnerable? and 2) Have I made all the amends that I needed to make behind the years I did do it?
No matter what we don't give up our chair in "NA" - I didn't come to meet friends I came for recovery and along the way I got so many friends. so what I am saying if they are not part of your "hard core" support - then it really sucks that they act like that - I was told due to someones behavior - if they are not part of my core support group "which I call my hard core 4" then they get to work it out on their own or thru their support - I get to take my stuff to my sponsor and my hard core 4 and vent my frustrations, anger, fear and on and on - I really have no business "bringing it to them" and to practice letting go..Hope that helps.
I understand how this behavior can be irratiating, and I agree with many of the things stated in this post: It is their problem, not yours, unless you choose to allow their behavior to bother you.
Continue to be yourself, a gentleman. Be polite, smile, irregardless if it is returned or not. Generally set a good example. Love always shines! Your never know who is going to see your smile. Just continue to give it away.
Just do the best you can. The best you can will change, momement to momement, your intention is everything.
I think that your post demonstrates thoughtfulness and consideration, and is an important reminder of the powerful impact we can have on people, I thank you for writing!
