for reasons of anonimty there is alot I can't say about this past year I wish that I could just tell the world what has happened so that Ican process. But my hands are tied I dop start therapy Monday and I am scared to death. I don't know if I wanna know if he loved me or it was just a game it has been sureal going thru this just set straight with a shrink I like he is awesome and noI am not falling in love with this one and now I get to process this issue possibly get depressed all over trying to get thru what has happened. What I went thru and another member of this board wasn't supposed to happen forbiden love just a year ago on the 31 was are first night with each other and it fell apart by the 6th several suicide attempts on both ends and apin for many more fear and resentments lies sweet little lies promises just to be broken an torn apart at the seams... Just as life seems to get better now I gotta face reality of this issue and find out the truth but what happens when I don't see it the way they see it? How do I know what the truth really is will I ever know I know I love him still but I will never know due to what my therapist is going to tell me and everyone else and he could tell me till he was blue in the face and I still would not know what to do 's creams loudly' If I could just sccream maybe I would feel better
__________________
Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
Easy does it Manon! work the process best you can.Maybe you could put it all in writing ,store it away and take it in pieces when you can.My sponsor had suggested to me about writing my dead best friend a letter to make amends when I was working 9th step. I could say what I needed to say to free my pain.How I loved him and when he shot himself I was never able to tell him things I needed to.I can take things slowly to look at ,digest ,make sense of some of the situations and move forward..Take care of yourself.We are here ..Screaming!!!..When my daughter was born she had collick and I used to go out in my car,scream at the top of my lungs because the crying was making me more insane than I already was.Tired me out and I felt better later.Sort of like a good"cry":) Must a been a sight...
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I have to really watch what I value...it is often the devil in disguise, so to speak, that I am entrusting myself to. All that glitters is not gold. Today I want nothing that is not true Even when the truth is painful or ugly, if it is really the truth I can work with it to the betterment of my sobriety and spiritual growth. When I lust after the past, or indulge in the nostalgia of my arrogant suffering-self, all I am doing is fueling my own depression and anger. Not worth it. I must scrape the crap off my shoe and move on when I am doing that to myself. Must. And I need every one of these 12 steps to do that.
__________________
From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
I liked what you shared above Lee U, thank you so much for sharing it.
__________________
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
