"We want to look our past in the face, see it for what it really was, and release it so we can live today."
Basic Text, p. 29
Many of us had trouble identifying our resentments when we were new in recovery. There we sat with our Fourth Step in front of us, thinking and thinking, finally deciding that we just didn'thave any resentments. Perhaps we talked ourselves into believing that we weren't so sick after all.
Such unwitting denial of our resentments stems from the conditioning of our addiction. Most of our feelings were buried, and buried deep. After some time in recovery, a new sense of understanding develops. Our most deeply buried feelings begin to surface, and those resentments we thought we didn't have suddenly emerge.
As we examine these resentments, we may feel tempted to hold onto some of them, especially if we think they are "justified" But what we need to remember is that "justified" resentments are just as burdensome as any other resentment.
As our awareness of our liabilities grows, so does our responsibility to let go. We no longer need to hang on to our resentments. We want to rid ourselves of what's undesirable and set ourselves free to recover.
Just for Today: When I discover a resentment, I'll see it for what it is and let it go
I have been feeling dis-ease lately. I realize now that it is because I am about to write my 4th step. I have reviewed some of the literature on this step. Wow! they leave no stone unturned. The thought of dredging up EVERYTHING crappy I have ever done is making me sick to my stomach. Pray for me guys, this is not going to be easy.
