"I pray for the willingness to change my old ways of thinking, and for the ability to overcome my fears."
Many of us find that our old ways of thinking were dominated by fear. We were afraid that we wouldn't be able to get our drugs or that there wouldn't be enough. We feared discovery, arrest, and incarceration. Further down the list were fears of financial problems, homelessness, overdose, and illness. And our fear controlled our actions.
The early days of recovery weren't a great deal different for many of us; then, too, fear dominated our thinking. "What if staying clean hurts too much?" we asked ourselves. "What if I can't make it? What if the people in NA don't like me? What if NA doesn't work?" The fear behind these thoughts can still control our behavior, keeping us from taking the risks necessary to stay clean and grow. It may seem easier to resign ourselves to certain failure, giving up before we start, than to risk everything on a slim hope. But that kind of thinking leads only to relapse.
To stay clean, we must find the willingness to change our old ways of thinking. What has worked for other addicts can work for us
but we must be willing to try it. We must trade in our old cynical doubts for new affirmations of hope. When we do, we'll find it's worth the risk.
Just for Today: We have found that we had no choice except to completely change our old ways of thinking or go back to using.
fear has been THE controlling element in my life. It has distorted my thinking and caused me to act in self destructive ways. Only the 12 steps and fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous have shown me that living without self centered fear is possible for me. The rewards are amazing. I used to wake up in the morning and dread facing another day. I hated myself for being weak and fearful and would use immediately upon waking to kill the pain. Now I welcome the day. The sun streaming into my bedroom and the sounds of birds chirping usedto fill me dread. Now they fill me hope. I thanks God for this new day. I pray for his guidance, stay clean and do the next right thing. Everyday, one day at a time.
