"approval-seeking behavior carried us further into our addiction..."
Basic Text. p. 14
When others approve of what we do or say, we feel good; when they disapprove, we feel bad. Their opinions of us, and how those opinions make us feel, can have positive value. By making us feel good about steering a straight course, they encourage us to continue doing so. "People-pleasing" is something else entirely. We "people-please" when we do things, right or wrong, solely to gain another person's approval.
Low self-esteem can make us think we need someone else's approval to feel okay about ourselves. We do whatever we think it will take to make them tell us we're okay We feel good for awhile. Then we start hurting. In trying to please another person, we've diminished ourselves and our values. We realize that the approval of others will not fill the emptiness inside us.
The inner satisfaction we seek can be found in doing the right things for the right reasons. We break the people-pleasing cycle when we stop acting merely to gain others' approval and start acting on our Higher Power's will for us. When we do, we may be pleasantly surprised to find that the people who really count in our lives will approve all the more of our behavior. Most importantly, though, we will approve of ourselves.
Just for Today: Higher Power, help me live in accordance with spiritual principles. Only then can I approve of myself.
The biggest single thing I did in recovery that has made me feel better about myself is when I decided to live a moral life. No more stealing, deceiving, sneaking, manipulating, or anything else that might promote my self seeking agenda, but actually diminished me in my own eyes. I have a long way to go on this journey of recovery, but that one decision did me more good than anything else.
This little booklet called the '4 PROMISES" says taking things personally is the is one of the most selfish things you can do,as it presumes you think everything is about you!!!How many of us look at it like that?Like the reading says when we go outside ourselves for others validation of our existence we get up or down whatever,but when we give it to God we only have to pray and meditate to do His will for us...Sure sounds simple.Next time someone says something to you that may not "lift you up"think about how this may not be about you but the other persons perception of you.We can choose the emotion to attach to the interaction.I won't take it personally and I'll choose serenity.Now don't just say Mike ,do it !
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
