I have spent so much time pushing ppl away I wondered why my family is not here for me but if I look at my part I don't blame them so now I must accept that my family would rather I be alone on holidays in such due to my behavior... yes it hurts but it is my actions thqt put me where I am at that being said it does not make things any easier but I thought I would start this thread to find out how you would regain the trust of your loved ones???????????????
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
Hey Manon,good to see ya!You know I look at this from 2 perspectives FOR ME.,my own and with my son.I have been free from active addiction for over 25 years and most of people I affected with my stuff are either dead or not around anymore.I was kind of like my father,the black sheep of the family and it was what it was. Relatives that I do see on get togethers have seen my life change through age,working a process and the grace of God,trust Im still not sure if they feel that, but I know where Im at.Now on the other hand,Eric is a different situation and probably cause we are still too close to it.We leave nothing laying around,still check our accounts,try not to do "CSI' work around our crib but do stay "wide aware" When he moves out it will ease a little but again time,actions,and surrendering that "fear" of getting taken again or used up will be our process of life with him..You seem to have another added dimension of behavior that probably keeps people feeling "helpless" like "what can I do thing".My mom always ,just shut it out so she didnt have to deal with my insanity.To this day she probably thinks that I flipped out of my car and not my mind when they got the call in early 70's..We all deal with it differently.Probably,and just my thoughts,they will have to be with you and you showing stability for periods of time and reenforcing that in their eyes.Its a shame that we may have to do that but our behaviors ,even now,probably still scare "the normies!!!!!TRUST HAS TO BE EARNED AND IT MAY TAKE A LONG TIME.Trust in your God and let Him take care of the situation.Dont let it overpower you,even talk about it with your loved ones and ease the fear they may have.We all got a lot of baggage and sometimes it just don't fit on the bus..I wish you peace,STAY UP!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I dont have a problem with my family,its my girlfriends family, not her dad but her mom and sister they HATE ME and Jenn is keeping them from knowing we're seeing each other. I haven't been to a family get together in about 8 months and jenn wants to work on US for the next year before taking me back around , in the mean time i am a secret because we have been seeing each other once a week or so. Plus jenn wants to keep what we have very low key no calling each other girl/boy friend no saying I love you she wants to keep it real light and i have to understand why that is and its because of my past and she really doesn't trust the changes that i've been making to be permanent. I made a lot of promises in the past and didn't live up to them.
It all takes time to repair manon and not in our time its a time to develope patients and understanding and not get depressed and down on our selves, its a time to get out of self and understand that we've hurt others , it's very difficult to not be so self centered for us i know, i try to actually put myself in other peoples shoes and its very hard i dont even want to go there LOL, hang in there your not alone
I can't control whether others will ever really trust me again. Hurts are hard to heal, and some that I have wounded may just not be able or willing to go the distance, no matter how much I have changed, made amends, make living amends, or just plain ache for them to "give me another chance". Especially when that would be chance #758.
My job is to be able and willing to learn to forgive myself, to do what I can to be trustworthy, to be responsible for the effort and let go of the outcome, and, in order to keep myself alive, find new "family"-like relationships for myself.
"Replacement" family is difficult for me...I am very antisocial, I've fired most of my friends, I prefer seclusion, and I can't have a dog where I live!!! Often people will begin their post here with "Hello family", which has come into common use, out of therapeutic community drug treatment, but I have never bought into the notion that just because we're all in the same boat and must rely upon each other in a family-like way, that we are "family". So, I have to face the reality that I've lost most of my family, in one way or another. But I also focus on the good stuff...my daughter is speaking to me today and lets me "in" a little bit more each year,and my sister and I are actually close, where as we were not before we each matured in sobriety.
Accepting that which I cannot change is never easy, and often seems painfully unfair, but it's just life and if I want to live, I have to put some effort into learning how to do it.
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
Manon....I lost the respect and trust of my family. Most of it has been regained to an OK degree but not all. My son in particular will only get "this close" to me, but no closer. I killed his unconditional trust and must settle for what trust and love he is willing to offer. Some of the damage we do leaves permanent scars. We have to realize that it's not about us, it's about them and how they feel. But much will be healed, If we can only keep doing the next right thing.
Keep you in prayer Vin,I know this whole thing been rippin you for awhile.good luck man.
AND it just doesn't stop we got into it last night, i see where i was wrong but i was focusing on where SHE was wrong and it blew up, so it may be all over once again LOL damnit God's will be done not mine cuzz i screw things up constantly.
