It is so amazing today - AGAIN I feel wonderful - AGAIN I feel renewed in my spirit - I truly have to say it is due to working some steps - So for awhile I keep all the precious thoughts of mine in my head (which were pretty destructive to my thinking) my private spot - the place where I won't allow anyone in - with feelings of embarrassment, low self worth, inadequacies - and just the I don't know how to handle - See I see myself as this strong, powerful, confident woman - Well actually thats what i allow others to see - but inside it is opposite - So I found myself stuck AGAIN - and wondering why - Well for awhile there I was doing this all alone AGAIN - (by choice) I would call my sponsor - talk about situations, (not about True-ism) I would go to meetings (talk about the good shit) sponsor women and make suggestions - But not following my own talk - So I broke down to my sponsor - they laughed and hugged me and put me on an assignment - See more and more I get to learn it is progress not perfection and that we all have turns in renewing our spirit - by telling the absolute truth to at least one individual - Without that we may not use - but may sabotage all relations or just get buck wild crazy and truly that is no place to be - once we get on this road of recovery - What I have learned is to lighten up a bit, relax, smell the roses and truly honesty is required. Today I am blessed with joy and without that i am screwed - So no matter how far I go - The Joy comes from knowing that I don't have to pick up and that I am truly ok - and that is because God says so - I don't even have to say so or no other human has to say so..Just Believe that I truly am exactly where I am suppose to be in my life - and that it is about not picking up so I get to learn my lesson..NA has saved my ass again..Stay Blessed my fellow brothers and sisters
-- Edited by Fiesty on Friday 2nd of April 2010 02:26:54 PM
