I had an appointment with the shrink today I got a question answered that i have been asking for a few years question being: why at one point in my life can I be out going and then to totally shut down; simple answer I don't know what is safe anymore I figure I can't get hurt at home. that makes sense to a point then the dad theing comes in but after the DRAMA I have had with my old shrink who all of you know who I am speaking of but will leave it like that but considering the reactions I have gone thru during all the shit he put me thru and was ewilling to comntinue I couldn't understand what his motives were after 5 suicide attempts in little less than a year and he kept onm was he trying to kill me? wtf you would think he would have had enough schooling to know how to move on and in all the lies I believed them all but actions are louder thatn words and as you can see I am dating a non married non doctor man who is making me think twice about alot of things. Then me and my best friend are on the out I had to fire her today she was a personal assistance here in my home taking care of the things I am not able to do I have a theraputic taco bell dog I have had her for a week she was abused as wella nd is scared of alot of things although we compliment each other I am overwhlemed wanna hide under a rock and dive right in on the other hand I still have thoughts of death wanting to rent a hotel and make sure I get it right I have one more day of bullshit to finish themn I can hide. well kinda My doctor said whether I wanna or not to go out on my normmal night and dance b4 I see him again because of how long it has been since I have been out that kinda scares me but I am sure it will work just have to have willingness to take his suggestions thanx for letting me rant and expose a little more of my stress now it should lesson the pain level anyway
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
2 CENTS FROM Poughkeepsie, new york! I know its hard for you to trust doctors after last episode,but how bout ,get the guy who;s making you think twice about things,drag his butt out,have a ball and take away some of the isolation.Whatever happened with you and your best friend,,ask yourself, what,if any, was your part in it?,can it be rectified and work hard to do it.We dont have very many people we can have close to us,I to this day still dont have a best friend,mine killed himself in 1978 and I would do anything to have that relationship again.We used to get very jealous of each other,even stole each others girlfriends but in the end he was part of me.Pray about resuming the relationship if you can.And the hotel I would remind yourself "to be anxious for nothing,but in everything by prayer and supplication,with thanksgiving,let your requests be made known to God,and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and mind thru God.One of my spiritual readings that helps me when I feel like banging my head against the wall.Thanks for sharing your pain Manon,it really is pain lessened when you can bring it to the family.Stay up and see you tomorrow.Remember the sun is always there,just some days its covered by the clouds..peace for real
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Y'know reading this makes me think how perception is everything. You are feeling a lot of stress, yet when I read what you are doing it seems pretty courageous. You recently started a new relationship with a man, You ended a relationship with a helper, you are seeing a new MD and will be taking his suggestions. All I can say is "You go girl"
