Welcome.
It can be a little strange walking into a meeting for the first time.
If you wish you can go to na dot org           http://na.org/
click on "find a meeting" then choose the option for area helplines.
If you call your local helpline you might be able to speak to someone who will listen to your concerns and suggest a meeting that you might be comfortable with. Perhaps he/she will offer to accompany you.
Personally when I first went I went alone. I didn't know what to expect either and so wanted the option to leave if I felt I had to.
I didn't leave, and was actually welcomed pretty warmly, so it was good.

Thanks guys for posting so quickly!  I especially appreciate the link you provided, Avid.  I'm going to definitely call and try to find a meeting close to home, as far as actually attending the meeting, that's a different story.  I have some questions for anyone whose been clean for a great period of time, if you'd be kind enough to answer:  Is it possible to be happy again?  Did your life go back to the way before you were using or did you start over and now have something better?  I'm scared of being sober since my life wasn't exactly great before I started using.  It's weird because I used to day dream about the things I wanted and what I wanted to accomplish and now I day dream about the way I want to feel.  I'm sorry I don't mean to whine, I just want assurance that there is someone like me who has become healthy.

**I'm sorry, I have one more question:  How does one deal with the guilt?  I'm so ashamed of myself that it seems like everything I've done in the past whether I was high or not is so embarrassing to me now that I can't think about it.  Even things that have absolutely nothing to do with drugs, like if I got into an argument with someone, even if I was standing up for myself.  And sometimes something as small as when I've told someone no or even a white lie.  If the thought comes into my mind it's like torture.  I definitely can't live like this, when the thoughts and guilt gets so bad one thing that always crosses my mind is to get high.  What prevents me from getting high is having to start all over again, that would be pure hell and I don't think I could do it.  Sorry for rambling, it just seems that no one I know understands what the feelings are like, but I get the feeling you all do.

-- Edited by tbfhbook on Sunday 7th of February 2010 01:56:01 PM

I just want assurance that there is someone like me who has become healthy.

then allow me to assure you that there are THOUSANDS of people just like you who became healthy.


How does one deal with the guilt?

I have alot of experience with guilt, shame, and regret. Not a day goes by where one or all three of those feelings aren't present in my day.
They used to cripple me. I was so full of shame for "crash and burn" catastrophe, that I got a job driving a taxi at nights and slept in all day. I was like a troll, not seeing the light of day for months at a time. Someone later told me it was like I dug a hole in the earth and then pulled it closed over me. That lasted for just over a year.
Then I went to jail.

The literature tells us that the solution is in the steps.
The NA program suggests that we go to 90 meetings in 90 days, find a home group, get a sponsor and work the steps.

With these we are well on our way.
Good luck to you.
It's all about willingness, but no matter what ...keep coming back.