It hurts to even breathe today. Please if anyone has had teenagers that continuosly use your addiction against you every single time I have to tell them "no" or they just "don't get their way" about the slighest thing I am desperate for any suggestions. I've been clean for over 7 mos now but they are only getting worse. My girls' didn't know until the last year or so that I had a problem because up until then I was a "functioning addict" or so i thought. When i entered treatment I decided to tell them the truth so they could at least have a chance to try & understand my disease. I am single mom & their dad hasn't helped me since our divorce. I've always worked 2 jobs so they would never do w/out because of him. So, yes they are somewhat spoiled anyway. We have a great support system in my family also. I have always made sure they knew this had nothing to do w/ them and have always overcompensated for everything from having to work, divorce, & most of all my addiction. Yes, I do know that doesn't fix anything but I am a mother who is still consumed w/ guilt. I also let them pretty much have their way for the last yr or so and now when I am killing myself to get things back to normal they suddenly become so mean & disrespectful, saying things to me they know kills me. We went to counseling & things seemed really good. I understand teenagers will try to get away w/ anything they can but this goes so far beyond that and I don't know how much more I can take. All of the progress I was starting to make trying to forgive myself so i could finally start healing emotionally has been shot to hell. If they had been doing this from day one I could understand or if they ever need to just talk about it I always encourage them. I know it's going to take a long time for them to truly trust me again or really forgive me and i will give them all of the time they need. But should I have to put up w/ them only lashing out & going crazy on me when I have to be their mother instead of their friend? I have to be able to fix this and I am just so lost and hurt. Thanks so much for you guys & letting me vent.
Thank you, Stacey
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The Will Of GOD Will Never Take You Where The Grace Of GOD Will Not Protect You
First of all, you cower down to noone. You are an addict in recovery and you need to hold your head high. You need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your kids. Let them know this is a disease that kills just like cancer. You need to tell them that it isn't right to make fun of people that have cancer, so they should not make fun of addiction or use it to their advantage. As a parent you hold alot of clout. If they continue with the berating, then make the pocketbook skinny, remove their priveliges, do what you need to do to be respected. They have the option to disrespect you, but there needs to be consequences. They better be careful as addiction runs in familys. Soon they might be going to meetings themselves, if they don't listen to your wisdom. ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU ARE A PRECIOUS CHILD OF GOD AND THAT MAKES YOU VALUBLE. IN THE END SOMETIMES ALL YOU CAN DO IS LOVE YOUR KIDS, INSPITE OF THEM. I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU. YOU ARE IN A TOUGH SITUATION
HEY SSTACEYE69! ..you are in a rough spot and I can identify somewhat in my own household.I also am an addict 25 years clean, working recovery and would also get small doses of 'WELL YOU DID IT' YOU LIVED THRU IT,iM NOT AD BAD AS YOU WERE ETC..When our 13 year old daughter started "acting out' being totally disrespectful,sexing around neighborhood,skipping school,hanging in a rough bunch we had to sit her down let her know that there are 'boundaries' in this household and that she must adhere to them or she could find another place to live...We have a few homes for kids that cant make it in their own households,sort of like state wards here in upstate new york...We eventually had her put in the "Diversion program with rigid stipulations similar to parole for teens.We let her know that in order to live with us she needed to be respectful,adhere to boundaries set and move forward or she could live elsewhere.This broke our hearts but in a 2 year period she not only came into her own,but ended up on deans list thru her college years.bachelors degree in early childhood teaching,graduated early and just attained her teaching degree at 21 years old.A miracle that God gave us the strength to do what we needed to do.When setting boundaries they must be something that you are willing to enforce or else they can do more harm then good.Maybe you can find help thru your support team,ex husband,family etc.You must also remember to keep your recovery first in all things as you can not take care of others if you are not in condition to take care of yourself.We also have a 23 year old son who is now in recovery from heroin addiction and we had to put him on the street in the worse period of his addiction to hopefully save his life.We have put our trust and get our strength from the God of our understanding and try to do His will in these matters and step back.It is very difficult and if you think about your own life you know where things can bring us..Didnt mean to write a diatribe but I can feel your pain ,For some reason we can destroy ourselves and think nothing of it but when it comes to our kids it gets weird..You deserve a life and as cold as it sounds our lives cant revolve around others.We must all find our own way it this short little period we have..Let us know hows it s going and i will definitely keep you and your family in prayer.I also am a member of another fellowship for children and relatives and friends of addicts,learning to 'detach with love"a very difficult but necessary concept for our own survival...peace........
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Its going to take time and SUPPORT so make sure you get some help with this out there with a sponsor and group members, maybe see about a womans group also and some sounseling outside help might help too, good luck with them kids so glad in one way i dont have to deal with them its TOUGH to put it mildly.....ugh
Hi Stacey, I really feel for you. I read most of your prior posts and your struggle, though not unique is very painful to read, not to mention live. What jumped out at me was that you are, or were having difficulty finding and trusting a higher power. If that is still the case then I can't help but think that you are in for a rougher time than would otherwise be the case. It seems that the girls will require alot of patience on your part. You think that you were hiding your addiction from them for all those years because you were "functioning" They may not have known your were a drug addict but the person they knew WAS a drug addict. You were in active addiction for much of there lives. They knew you when you were using. Now you are a completely different person. How can they not notice the change? They may resent it. And will certainly react to it in some significant way. I don't know what the obstacle is to finding a power greater than yourself who can restore you to sanity, but it is not uncommon for people new to the rooms to have this doubt. I did. My sponsor told me "it's all about willingness" I wish I could remember exactly how he put it because it was so powerful and beautiful, but it went something like this. Pray for the willingness to believe, If you can't pray to believe than I will pray for you to believe If you still don't believe, then at least believe that I believe. Oh, I destroyed the beauty and poetry of his saying but it moved my heart so that I could pray for the willingness to let God come into my life. It is working me. I feel the presence of my higher power and it is a source of both strength and comfort for me. Your never alone when you have God. I"ll pray for the God of your understanding to touch your heart.
-- Edited by avid on Monday 25th of January 2010 10:42:38 AM
Thanks guys, I really appreciate all of your support & suggestions. I don't get to go to as many meetings as I should so this board is a God sent.
Mike I am truly sorry about your son. My heart & prayers go out to your family. I believe my addiction has caused my girls' to despise drugs & any person, place, or thing even remotely involved. Their dad has always smoked pot and it's never been much of a secret but their not really that close to him at all anymore so they could care less or at least that's what they say. I know it bothers them but they would never let him know it. If me having to go through all of this makes them never abuse any kind of drugs or alcohol then it has been worth every second. God Bless you & your son. Thanks again.
Hey there Avid! Thanks for the support & prayers. It's no secret that I haven't been able to have a personal relationship w/ God. I have always believed Jesus Christ is God's son. I try my best to live by the ten commandments. I am a firm believer in karma also. My girls' go to church w/ their friends but right now at their age it's more of a social thing. But that's okay w/ me. I love that they want to go & both of them really enjoy their youth group. I believe in all paths to God but was raised as a Baptist but eventhough my parents believed they didn't go to church. My dad is very high up in law enforcement where we live so of course we were expected to live up to certain standards. I will continue to pray for that "relationship" everyone always talks about & who knows maybe one day i will get it. Sorry I didn't mean to ramble. Thanks again.
Stacey
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The Will Of GOD Will Never Take You Where The Grace Of GOD Will Not Protect You
i know what you are going thru i have dealt with it in the past and present i finally told them all to get some new matterial i was'nt buying the old sh-t anymore i go to mettings i work a program and when i think they are over the line i pull them up short i did get them to go to some al-anon mettings and that helped alot good luck god bless and keep working the program
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some of us win some of us lose with god and this program i will be a winner
