ive made a decision. im not very happy about it but ive decided to move back in with my parents. i literally can not stay in this house by myself one more day without going insane. my roomie is never here. ive been snowed in by myself for the past 4 days and im really depressed. im seconds from tears because ive never been so lonely in my fucking life. im not happy to move in with my parents. its been exactly a year today since i got kicked out. but just having someone sit in the same room with me would make me less lonely. i dont know how many more greys anatomy re runs i can watch how much more ice cream and junk i can eat till im too fat to get off the couch. or how much longer i can go before i have another suicide episode. i don start classes till the 19th. im not on the work schedule for the next 2 weeks. and i havent had a cigarette in 3 days. im on edge. im ready to burst out with anger and sadness and at the moment i would be ok with that. right now i would be ok with getting drunk or smoking some dope or even snorting some coke. but hence i am snowed in and cant get anything so i will just go insane. i just really need a hug i guess.
ps can we talk about how the snow is up to my crotch?
-- Edited by LizC on Tuesday 5th of January 2010 09:39:36 PM
-- Edited by LizC on Tuesday 5th of January 2010 09:43:19 PM
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
HOLY MOTHER OF ALL SNOW STORMS LOL thats Crrrrazy snow , that might drive me a little whacko too its cold here and dreary grewy skys and its getting to me but nothing like that WOW keep your mind active doing things Liz you know yourself better then anyone maybe being around others is a good idea.
and its still snowing. well freezing rain today but still snowing till sunday atleast. theres nothing here to keep my mind busy which is why im going insane but i got out this morning and went to church with a friend so that was good but im only running on 4 hours of sleep and will most likely be going back to bed soon. being around others will help which is why i made the decision that i hate very much.
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
"God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.
May I do Thy will always!"
-- Edited by BigV on Wednesday 6th of January 2010 08:44:38 AM
Hey Liz! now I KNOW WE ARE really moving south!!!! :) Yes you know the saying"an addict alone is in bad company.Ialso moved back in with my mother for "short" period during my second divorce.Best of both worlds ,slept in my car at night,came in for dinner and shower.You are making decisions and thats all you can do,see where it ends up and maybe you'll have to make another decision,day by day.Hope it goes well for you........
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
No wonder you feel the way you do the weather is gloomy and depressing. That situation would be hard for me as well. Even though you don't want to move in with your parents it is not good for you to be alone in your current state of mind. Hopefully you are able to move soon.
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"No one is immune from addiction; it afflicts people of all ages, races, classes, and professions". Patrick Kennedy
whoa... that's some serious f'n snow! screw that! got any skis? find a way to take those lemons and turn them into lemonade. when i got 'invited' by the government to share some time together, my sponsor said 'hey, look at the time you can dedicate to our step work together!'
he was right. the momentum i gained from that intense work carried me thru a lot of crap.
One question...what are you going to do to not set yourself up for a fall if the decision you are already hating turns out to bite you in the butt? (ie. fail to plan could be a plan to fail...careful, girl...if ur gonna walk a tightrope, consider a safety net.)
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
well its either sit in this house by myself and risk being so depressed i will kill myself or move in with my parents and have human interaction and be forced to do things whether it be around the house or out and about..
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
i know how i can get locked in on certain things, thinking that i have no other options. check yourself and see if you're not boxing yourself in. that first option sounds pretty extreme.
not arguing - just being a different voice than the ones we have in our head. :)
Life is like the weather, there will be lots of snow dumps, but also lots of sun filled days coming. I too think it may produce some triggers moving back home, do you feel you are strong enough to handle them? On the other hand, when you were kicked out you were probably under the influence of something, so you've come a long way, and got a lot going for you there anyways. Maybe it will be a fresh start for both you and your family. I hope it all turns out OK Above all try to keep a positive attitude if you do move back, most if not all addicts are negative about everything, and it colors everything and everybody in our lives if we dont turn it around and make our glass half full instead of half empty. If you feel a trigger coming I hope you will be able to get to a phone or meeting and try and get help before the feelings overcome what you have accomplished these past few months. I feel your loneliness being there all alone day after day-"cabin fever!"Even a non addict would have trouble with that I think! You are showing your true inner strength though to get through it. Keep believing in yourself, and the wonderful freedom of being drug free. Hugs
Liz, I had to do the same thing a few years back. I dreaded living with my parents, but was in a situation that made it the lesser of two evils. However, the experience turned out to be very positive. I was able to find some healing in my relationships with my parents, and we became much closer.
There was some triggering, and I did have a problem with reverting back into earlier behavior patterns, but I stayed close to my program and my Sponsor, and everything worked out in the end.
Regardless of how things turn out, we are here for you!
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I may not be 'All That', but I'm always on my mind!
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