I went to lay down just to wake crying I am tired of this shit is it ever gonna end can I be the woman God wants me to be can I ever love without pain? I am not liking life right now I want it all to stop this is once again my first day clean having a hard time dealing with everything around me and want so much for the DRAMA to cease. NO more attorneys no more mom asking ?s that are not her buisniess. Thoughts of why did all the pill I ingested didn't work? What purpose do I have in this life cause right now I feel so empty I want so much to love and be loved back not in secret but for all to know. I am so lonely have been the most part of the year. I hurt and want no more pain I cry and want know more tears I am not sure which end is up anymore? Being snowed in doesn't help my emotions are full force negative just wondering if i have enough to do it right this time or ifi need to make a call to hwlp me in success of my attempt
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
Hey Manon!'Just for Today" says december 28th,I accept that my feelings ofdepression won't last forever.I will talk openly about my feelings with my sponsoror another person who understands.I don't believe in coincidences. I hear a message in today's writings from God to all in this feeling today!Ask for strength and know that we are all part of this journey with you.Please call someone and share your feelings and I will pray for your peace and strength also.I.m sure you are tired of hearing all this but that is why we are here,one addict helping another..As hard as it may be today,give love and watch it come back.......mike
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I gave all my love away today gramps even reliezed I am still selfish but towards the end of a long nice talk well needed might I say Ifeel guilty I don't want anyone to have to hurt anymorew
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
Unfortunately I believe as long as we are alive "there will be pain" but I know now,(for many years I tried on my own)that pain shared really is pain lessened..It is not those that are in the most pain that get the help ,it is those that ask for help that do!I am also very manic at times and do get tired of always remaining vigilante ,but that thought is fleeting and I immediately surrender to our 3rd and 11th step daily,hourly some days by the minute!Have a blessed day Manon and remeber"this too shall pass! peace suggestion.... tell us a joke! laughter and tears are Gods gifts to us!!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Yeah im pretty depressed too angry actually its turned to depression. And since its ALL ABOUT ME thats how it's going to be its all about my hurt feelings. I just told her so left a message on her phone about why i got mad last week and broke up with her like she gives a big shit..
The program teachs us something we can do different yeah its painful to go through this stuff but the program gives us a solution and we need to get involved in that solution and it takes time and practice so these are opportunitys for us to work the program.
It's not easy but we'll keep killing ourselves if we dont do it and we need to start loving ourselves manon to survive, i'm right here with you going through it too your not alone sweeety.
I have been called crazy because i called her grandmother and let her know she's got a dope fiend living with her now , she's been naive and didnt realize how sick the guy is and now 2 months after moving in she still hasnt gotten rent from him I warned her about him and have stayed outside of it all and now she sees what I was saying even admitted to me i was right. I feel the guy is dangerous and I wont be there to protect her now we're done so her family needed to know. I text messaged her Dad mom and sister letting them know what was going on and i got called CRAZY when all i was doing was looking out for her so i need to be done with these people and her and i will.
Hard to let go of certain things and surrender but thats how we win acceptance is a huge issue for us and also very difficult as long as we dont use and hang in there and share go to meetings talk with a sponsor work the steps things will change otherwise were stuck with what we know and have been doing forever and we end up using again and again so its time to learn something new and different and BETTER, hang in there manon.
Hang in there Vinny! it does get tedious at times and im sure there are days for all of us where we just say""Thats it,I'm gettin twisted! Fortunately thru constant work,we also know that wont work...you know what they say"life is a b--ch and then you die!!Man I can remember chasing after my first wife in 1969 saying I would give up all my friends,stop using,be a good husband and father,do what she wants anything to get that back, IT WAS OVER AND i COULDNT GET IT THRU MY HEAD!!!!So I did the best I knew how to do"self -medicate" until I was one step away from oblivion.I am still learning everyday and continue to 'REACH FOR HELP NOW"I have no qualms about seeking,asking and listening when I am struggling(at least once a day)As long as I realize 'IM STILL NOT THAT WELL" I got a shot at pulling myself up!One of my spiritual readings tells me"that He lifted me out of the muck andmire,from the slimy pit,and set my feet on a rock,a firm place to stand!!Thru it all I always return there and find "peace" in the turmoil!! Thanks for sharing Vin/Manon it is the antedote to our disease!!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
manon - please take care of yourself. get checked in to a program right away. addiction and depression are diseases that want to take us out. you deserve help.
Thanks Mike and things WONT GET BETTER IF i go out and USE this much i have learned to be truth.
Manon same goes with you we all have to get this pounded into our heads using has to stop for this to start working, using gets in the way of our growth, using causes more pain.
The pain I go through today are GROWING PAINS yes indeed, even sober theres pain quite a lot actually but it all depends on our level of surrender this I am learning also.
So today when the pain gets to much I pray for God's guidance direction and strength to see me through, I go to meetings a get loved by others, people are beginning to get to know me all over now and ask how I am or tell me how i look LOL I had an old timer who I asked to sponsor me part time ( along with my some times unavailable full time sponsor ) tell me yesterday that I had a glow about me HAH ! if he had seen me before i got to the meeting he wouldn't have seen that but after being with a bunch of addicts for an hour i felt so damn much better i got out of myself and into the unity of the group and i felt good.
Recovery is on going, things will pop up and we have a new solution today and that is the spirit of NA to help us live good and live clean.
i agree with Avid! and what a difference a day can make if you just hold on through the rough waters....hang on, it gets better....peace/love and big NA (((hugs)))
) tell me yesterday that I had a glow about me HAH ! if he had seen me before i got to the meeting he wouldn't have seen that but after being with a bunch of addicts for an hour i felt so damn much better i got out of myself and into the unity of the group and i felt good.
