Hi Nelmsey! Well as addicts I believe many of us "used" not to feel things,escape from or not want to deal with. And we are "balls of emotion"We talk about in our literature 'Pain shared ,is pain lessened"Are you attending face -to -face meetings and if so do you have a sponsor?, part of the cornerstones to our spiritual principles ?I do agree 'DRUGS ARE NOT THE ANSWER".We really need to get to "the exact nature" of what is going on with us and it takes work to reach some of these deep areas.As important, is the fact that our character behaviors and defects were probably manifested long before our first drug use,These are the areas that we learn about thru  understanding and guidance thru the principles of our program.It is not unusuall for an addict to want to use,thats what we do.but our 5th tradition tells us that an addict,any addict can stop using drugs,lose the desire to use and find a new way to live.I would suggest  you give yourself a break,find a meeting area,be honest ,open minded and willing to the  help available ,follow the suggestions and keep showing up,The message really is hope and the promise is freedom..Continue to let us know how you are doing...Just for Today you dont have to pick up!!!!!!..