When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I asked was that you listen. Not to talk or do-just hear me. Advice is cheap. Ten cents will get you both Dear Abby and Bill Graham in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself. I'm not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.
But, when you accept as a single fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and get to the business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind them.
So, please listen and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn; and I'll listen to you.
Yeah learning this is good stuff my part time girlfriend told me the other day I was FINALLY GETTING IT and understanding her needs, YEAH i kept my freaken mouth shut and just listened LOL the only thing i added not really telling her EXACTLY what she should do about her situation was i suggested she " weigh all her options out" options leaves a big window open but doesn't tell someone EXACTLY what you think they should do ???? help me out here family LOL
