Right now, I'm having a debate with myself. Should I stay with my parents or should I go back to my own place?
I have my own place I just have no power. I could get the lights turned back on and have my own space and privacy. But there is also the temptation of using, but that is everywhere I go. If I go back I don't have to tiptoe around the house with kids while my Daddy sleeps during the day and I will able to go visit with friends, have a babysitter to go to work, etc.
Staying with my parents has been hard. I know it's only been a week, bujt it's stressful and I feel like a trapped 32yr old woman. All my calls are screened, I have no privacy, I can't come & go as I please, and I can't work. But I am clean, even though the temptation is still here because my parents are social drinkers. If I cry I get yelled at, and told there's no need to cry I should get angry.
I need all the friends I can get but I want to be by myself. As I said in another post my fiance is in jail and my heart breaks, which is why I get yelled at if I cry. I don't know what to do here. I know my family wants what's best for me, but they've never been through what I'm going through and yelling at me or getting angry with me because I have emotions is not the way to go.
we it takes to stay clean how far did you go to get high what means would you go thru to use aply the same to sataying clean I have been clean since the 11th of this month it would have been b4 then but I tried to kill my self with a benzo I believe that starts my clean time over
__________________
Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
Hey browneyedgirl! Whatever it takes for you to stay clean is of most importance.Surround yourself with people in recovery,try and find meetings to share and hopefully get a sponsor or someone you can get your feelings out with that will be non-judgemental but honest and caring.And keep coming back here .We are your family!!I remember after my second divorce living back with my mom for a short period.It was a nightmare for me ,I ENDED UP STAYING IN MY CAR IN MID WINTER RATHER THAN BE SUBJECTED TO 'house rules"The major difference was I WAS STILL ACTIVE. RECOVERY MUST COME FIRST!Isolation is also dangerous for you at this period and that will be something for you to work out especially when you feel like being alone!!! Glad you found us here,I will keep you in my prayers! mike
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I spent a year living with my parents, despite how difficult it was with no privacy, feeling like a teen-ager again, and living under their rules. Before I had moved out, I found that my relationships with both my parents had undergone a great deal of healing, and all were better off for it.
I cried almost non-stop the first month or so getting clean. Anything set me off to tears or rage. It's all part of the withdrawl process from nearly all drugs... some more so than others, maybe, but the emotions are the same, no matter what substance you used.
Perhaps you might want to apply some prayer to the situation... I suggest that you pray for understanding, harmony, willingness to do God's will, and wisdom. I also suggest that you try to improve the lines of communication between you and your parents. I also suggest that you put your recovery FIRST. Perhaps you also might try a pro/con list on whether you should stay or go?
We are here for you. KEEP COMING BACK!
__________________
I may not be 'All That', but I'm always on my mind!
Ive never had a problem living at my moms house, so I dont have a great insight about what that would be like . What I do know about is that with only a little clean time, your mind can play tricks on you. You might be exactly right about how bad your situation is, but our disease is more powerful than we are!!! It can get you back on the "outside" for the sole purpose of taking you back down the road to living he** before you know what hit you!
To put recovery first, in MY opinion, means you will be willing to put up with a little crap in order to stay clean. Lack of privacy, and all that jazz takes a back seat. i did not get clean until I made the decision to put getting clean ahead of what my ex husband was going to do when I did. I came to the realization that without being clean, I would never truly be happy and serene.
Being clean is like the concrete slab when you are building a house...you cant finish the house without it, and so you have to put the time and effort into making sure it is poured correctly. THEN you can move forward with the rest. Make decisions on how to proceed in life etc...ANd if you poured that concrete correctly, all will be well. Believe in your HP. Believe that he can restore your sanity no matter where you live! and he will!
