The other night when all this chaos began with my children. Im obsessed. Fortunately for me, I see it. My poor husband! I start a fight over ??? SOmwhow it winds up all the way back and around to accusing him of not loving me. What I discovered in the end was I still need to love myself a little more.
at the start of a recovery meeting two days back when I spotted something about someone that got me angry, the more and more I felt agitated and compelled to react, I felt I needed to turn my focus inwards and do a spot-inventory... this way I had to own my part there, and it turned out something like 'you spot it you got it' kinda results for me
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Well probably this morning ,we were argueing over bills and money since I am on disability and no one will give me a job it stinks.I do bank surveys to loan depts,and customer service reps,tellers.They do not know I work for there bank.It is to see if they are polite.I go in bitching ,in a hurry,etc.I really needed to do a spot chech this morning,I even called my sponsor about acting out,not good,but knowing you did it is half the battle.Readjusted my attitude,feel better about everything.
Sometimes, I just say to myself "fuck all this inventory trash".
Those are the times when I feel somethings is wrong and I am owning more responsibility that is correct.
A spot inventory is about me and you, us and them , how the interaction between us is ! To me, this is basically answering the question "what is going on here ?".
The theory in my head will decide how I react to situations and people.
Last nites incident has proved that as long as expressions about negatives are kept within social limits, I have nothing to fear.
Those impulsive, transient feelings are not the issue for me; last nite I looked at the lingering. And in these relationships, I have to invest emotionally if indeed there is to be a relationship at all. The problem is that once expressions of genuine disgust, disapproval and dislike reach inappropriate levels, that is when my spot inventory needs to be effective in pointing out how to back out from that situation, or stay in there and face it,,,,,,,,, WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERANCE !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
