Good morning my friends. I have been wrestling with this for a few days now.I come to the conclusion that I need to actually practice what I preach and reach out for input. This is going to be long(there really is no way to even try to shorten it, so i apologize in advance lmao)
I signed away custody of my three girls (now 11,12,and 14) instead of putting them through the long hard battle of fighting. When I did this I had a blind faith in the fact that he loved his girls,which he does, and that he would always put them first in all he do(I wish he did!) I was only 3 months clean. I really knew my chances of winning them back in 07 were slim.I was also still recovering from my head on collision and just then climbing back out of the wheelchair. SO, he has them.They are in Texas...4 hours away from me. Now this man makes 125,000 a year. His new wife has 3 boys and so they have their own little brady bunch going on . Over the last year, there have been several reasons I have thought about fighting to regain custody. They still dont have their braces(which he has insurance, and its not going to be THAT much) my daughter keeps complaining ab needing glasses and tells me shes told they dont have the money, he REFUSES to do anything that he is ordered to do such as meet me half way to exchange them, and my list continues on....its bad. Now I have a major fight with them both concerning the way they are "preparing" my girls to handle boys. It makes me physically ill when I hear her ,in front of me now ya all , that she told my 12 year old that she doesnt have to get under boys and spread her legs for attention. This stemming from pictures of the girls roughhousing w their own brother! OMG Im just at my wits end with them! When I tried to confront the issue...he said it was her that had the problem and she said it was him. Then I got caught in a lie between them and all of a sudden I was trying to cause a problem in their marriage. He called me screaming that if that happened I would never see my girls again. I know that could never happen, but this man is evil, and vindictive! Back in 07 he told me that if I ever went after physical custody of these girls they "would find me face up in Toledo Bend from a drug over dose and nobody would think twice" So now I have an appointment with a lawyer Wed/ 1:30. I am scared out of my mind. Its been since I was in my active addiction since I was a full time mom. I didnt do such a great job then! SO the addict that I am keeps causing problems in my homelife! Maybe for an excuse not to do this? I dont know . What I do know is there is an issue of my ex-husband controlling me in a manner I never wanted to examine before. Even remarried. Everybody saw it but me! Until now. AM I ready to go up against him and prepared for him to truly hate me? Why not? what does it matter now what he thinks of me? I did not want the divorce, and I still love him Im not dumb. But do I really love him or was he just What I got used to for 15 years? He left me after 15 years of marriage for a girl half my age and only knew her 2 weeks when he did it! I should want him to burn in hell. whats the deal here? Why am I having a hard time letting him finally go in order to protect my girls? HELP. This is important and I could go on and on about the circumstances....like the fact that she is only barely 27 years old, and has recently been on xanux. The very drug that caused my divorce! My addiction to it. She has twice in one month "freaked out while he was gone (hes a driller and is gone half of each month!). Calling me, and telling me to come get my girls. Of course when he hears of this....he puts a stop to it. I know all of your years of recovery can help me through this. Help me let him go! My girls need me. They need me strong and willing to fight for their best interest. Even if it means there will never again be a wishy washy area of what I think he thinks of me. I was be the enemy once and for all. Then there is the fear of not being "ready" for them full time. Im dealing with feelings I didnt even know I had ! On the verge of the most important fight of my life ,
Hey Carol! mike here First let me say I WILL keep you in my prayers as I always do but put you in "my daily office" of prayers I try and start each day off with.I can only tell you what happened with me and my children briefly.My kids now 45 and 44 ,lived with me when My first wife and I broke up,married at 17 etc(1965).I used she really didnt.I had them for quite awhile while she stayed with her new boyfriend and I paid child support (not court ordered at that time)ANYWAY SHE TOLD ME THEY WERE MOVING TO MINNESOTA ,her now husband was purchasing agent.I was tore up,thought probably best for kids etc.We communicated from afar and My ex and I were civil with each other and we never played the kids against each other ( you know your father is a drug addict,your mother is a blah ,blah.that was a blessing anyway.About 2 years later my ex sends me a court paper saying she needs to have the kids name changed from my last name to her new husbands name.I flat out refused.letter said appear in court in minnesota in like 3 days ,my old man was FAMILY COURT CLERK.HE SAID DONT WORRY ,WE'LL SEND THEM A LETTERAND NOTHING WILL HAPPEN.week later court changed their last name I was crushed felt like I lost last contact with my children.About a year later my son michael ,called and said 'DAD;AINT NO BIG DEAL ,WE KNOW YOU ARE OUR FATHER,JOE WAS PUSHIN THAT CAUSE HARD FOR SCHOOL CHANGES ,PAPERWORK. ETC.i JUST FELT A CALM from that point forward.we have kept in contact thru the years,i have 23 year old now and 21 year old with my third wife(whom i love dearly)married over 25 years.I just renewed contact with my children after 31 years (they live in texas)(did some 9th step work)and all my thoughts about how bad a father ,addict etc were laid aside when both kids said :yeah you were a little messed up but we know you loved us always and did the best you could.I broke down,carried that baggage for over 30 years.God is great!!I can only suggest that you stay close with your husband now and talk things out,it will be difficult cause if your like me you are from different planets.I f we remember that our God does have a plan and we pray for help and 'let the power of God work;' all will be well.Also remember that Kids get older they make their own decisions and will do what their hearts tell them too.My son is talking about reinstating my last name,not necessary for me any longer but the idea that he wants to is heartwarming. fOR ME i KNOW THAT MY WIFE NOW IS MY SOULMATE,THE WOMAN i REALLY LOVE AND is THERE FOR ME AND ME FOR HER FOREVER. That period from 1962 thru 1972 were really a blur....sTAY IN YOUR LITERATURE,keep your recovery first and up front and allow your HP to work thru you.SORRY SO LONG but these are just snippets of 'life things ' that can get us off course and back to oblivion if we arent diligent. I wish you peace let us know how it goes I .keep hitting caps and small letters its like inside of my head!!!!!You know when kids are involved for some reason is just seems so impossible to work things out.We can work to regain our lives from all mind altering,mood changing substances but fold up in the clinches in other areas..Continue to live,breathe and work our 3rd step and take a step back in between to watch the miracles.I believe that!!. peace mike
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Thanks Mike. I know I am not alone. Our children had suffered and if we dont work our steps the guilt will eat us for Lunch!
My children have answered Texas to this question of where they want to live. But I believe at their age, its about their school and their friends.... Add the fact that they live in a huge brick house and I live in a very small apartment, and who wouldnt want to stay where they have friends and a life! But I can move, and they can adjust. Just worried that a judge will not see the reason they are picking Texas. They also see their father as "the one in charge" Ive spent 18 years of my life backing down and doing things his way and they see this! Im the weak one in their eyes.
I WILL go deep into my steps for this! Thanks for reminding me that God can do what I cannot!
I also want to thank you for your prayers! I will pray for the courage to move forward on this. My girls' and their whole teenage life depend on it! He DOES use the girls against me. That hurts them, even though half the time they dont even know they are being used.
Ps you are SO right about hte different planet thing. My new husband has never in his life had to deal with addiction and lives a "normal" existance LMAO like there is such a thing!
My daughter is 11 y/o now and until just 1 year ago I didnt have her.When I did get her it did seemed overwhelming at times but you will be surprised what you can handle when the time comes.Believe me,I know what you're going through,but it was a Mother-in -law that had custody of my little girl, and she was no doubt one of the most evil and vindictive people on the planet.I put up with alot of shi*t from this women,but I always knew that one day I would get my daughter and it would kill her.So keep your head up and stay calm,everything will happen just like it is suppose too.
. Over the last year, there have been several reasons I have thought about fighting to regain custody. They still dont have their braces(which he has insurance, and its not going to be THAT much) my daughter keeps complaining ab needing glasses and tells me shes told they dont have the money, he REFUSES to do anything that he is ordered to do such as meet me half way to exchange them, and my list continues on....its bad. Now I have a major fight with them both concerning the way they are "preparing" my girls to handle boys. It makes me physically ill when I hear her ,in front of me now ya all , that she told my 12 year old that she doesnt have to get under boys and spread her legs for attention. This stemming from pictures of the girls roughhousing w their own brother! OMG Im just at my wits end with them! When I tried to confront the issue...he said it was her that had the problem and she said it was him. Then I got caught in a lie between them and all of a sudden I was trying to cause a problem in their marriage. He called me screaming that if that happened I would never see my girls again. I know that could never happen, but this man is evil, and vindictive! Back in 07 he told me that if I ever went after physical custody of these girls they "would find me face up in Toledo Bend from a drug over dose and nobody would think twice"
But I can move, and they can adjust. Just worried that a judge will not see the reason they are picking Texas. They also see their father as "the one in charge" Ive spent 18 years of my life backing down and doing things his way and they see this! Im the weak one in their eyes. 
