Hi Lori Dee! Im so glad your here! I can only tell you why I relapsed and its a simple formula really. I stopped making my RECOVERY #1 in my life. In the first year I made 4-5 meetings no matter what! I even went to them in strange cities if I traveled. Then my recovery took a back seat to my new relationship, and all that that entailed. We got married, and my meetings were less and less important.
In the last six months I have gotten really sick, in my head and in my actions.I tried to control everything.I forgot that God is an awesome God that if I let him, can control my life much better than I can!!!!!I have 2 years 6 months free from drugs. I relapsed in many different ways, beginning with gambling. I felt no different coming home than I used to when I left for hours trying to find my drug of choice. Shame and guilt began to eat me alive. All my stinking thinking began to take over my whole being.
When i was in reahab they told me this simple formula that I still find true to this day:If I do 5 things every day they will promise me without a doubt,that I will not ever have to come back. I have them written on a piece of paper tapes to my bathroom mirror. Pray(hit your knees EVERY day), read your material(big book, step work etc..),talk to your sponsor , go to meetings( the biggest one for me!),and work your steps. They told me that they have NEVER seen a person return to rehab that has done all 5 of these and still relapse.
Our disease is unmerciful. It sneaks its way in any way it can. Cunning and Powerful. If we forget where we came from and stop working the program to the MAX , we find ourselves in trouble in one form or another. We may start out just trying to control things again. For me, it was that I felt the same as I did inside only without being high. Lucky for me i had this site and people who understand me. We are sick sick sick. But we have each other, and we have n/a meetings.
I will pray I see you here some more and that you try going to meetings EVERY day, if possible, so that you can be surrounded by people who know what your going through. Its harder the second time around if you ask me. We know what we have learned and what needs to be done, and I felt worse knowing that. Felt like a failure. Your only a failure if you dont do something about it and it progresses so far that you dont even think about n/a! You are here! Go back to the beginning......and do it again. Its worth it!
So glad your here!
KEEP COMING BACK
your friend
Carol