Hi all, Im glad that goddamned, bizzare 7 days is ended and Im back home, safe and dry !
All the disorganized, unprofessional and weird things were minuses in that experience. However, the good things did happen too. I played my sax well, and also became aware that till this treatment is over, I will not be the long playing saxman. Il have to be very pointed, do my music and relax, rather thanplease the party into the wee hours of the morning.
Some money came in, I had a free holiday that may well have costed even 1500 dollars if it had to pay for all the facilities I enjoyed, the guy that organized spent time with Dexter Gordon, Sarah Vaughn ec. in those days when Dex was settled in Denmark !
Then again, I met many new people, had some fab experiences being served and most of all did a lot of Meditation and introspection, noting thoughts and feelings !
My tactic for enjoying that break has been simple, whenever a stupid, complaining thought comes up, Ive been able to think one that counts the plusses !
Oh, what a great way to end resentment !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
These are the ones that have sustained my recovery, the gradual, slowly unfurled ones that seem more educational in nature. These experiences have revealed to me who I really am, what am I doing thats right and wrong to the context and where I can head !
Now that said, the first experience of awakening I had in ecovery was when I was locked up in a dark, isolated room in a treatment centre.
The pain, the torture the guilt of a wasted life on drugs had got me ther. That nite, Id called out in abuse " Ok you bastard, Ive believed in you all my life and all youve given me is pain and abuse". At that moment, Id decided to stop believing in all of those Gods Id believed in till then.
Thats when it happens; a Silent Voice says "That is not everything".
Then the Revelation comes pon me, I am in a scene where Im walking to the top of a hill, and as I reach there, a Great Light Illuminates.
Afater that, , and the God in that Revelation has kept me clean and largely serene ever since. After that calmpose, I decided Id truly had enough Ive never had to use again ever.
The basic theory that I draw from my experience in recover is "Change in attitude is better than to have the clean date changed".
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Joy balanced by the news of death of the girlfriend of a sponsee of mine in Sheffield !
This guy, a big brawny Irishman, complete with the Irish accent and all , lost his beautiful girlfriend on Monday nite to drink.
She and him met in treatment, got together and had a sweet little girl, who is now all of 16 months old.
E drank of and on and T stayed clean all through. A genuine guy, that'd spent half life in jail and streets, grasped recovery like a drowning man would even clutch straws. Ive had occassion to spend evenings with them sharing recovery and dinner and E never once baulked at preparing all that great Englisg food for us.
But the writing began to appear on the wall when E took off on binges and that resulted in T being custody of baby. T was basically following the NA Program and hoping she would find her feet while he stayed seperately and looked after baby.
Monday nite she drinks herself to death,,the only plausible end to that sort of behaviour. Though devestated, T is taking things in his stride and staying strong for baby !
The moral of this true story for me is that the nature of the addict or of addiction never changes, we release our addiction all over again when we use drugs in one form or another !
And yeah,,,,,,thining of alcohol as different from other drugs has caused many addicts to relapse,,,,,,,
I pray to God to keep us from that insanity, and rather live life on life's terms !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
What a sad sad thing to happen. My heart goes out to you and to T and that little girl! I will be praying for that precious baby and am so glad that T stayed strong through it all for her! God Bless them and help them through their time of healing.
Because I had never drank before, this was one of the things in n/a that my sponsor and I had to work a little harder on! Why cant i have that glass of wine when we are out with friends? Why cant we go out with the group from my husbands work that meet and socialize at the bar near work ? We are just playing pool, socializing, dancing...My argument was it wasnt alcohol that got me here , it was pills! Why do I have to be singled out that way forever? After hearing stories such as yours over and over again, and working out the steps with my sponsor, I began to understand that it is not worth the chance of it releasing my addiction all over again! *the gambling did enough damage***
Every now and then , I still feel like i am being "punished" for being an addict .I feel like an oddball at get togethers etc....All I do then, is pray and go back to my steps and look at where I used to be. Is that social acceptance worth ever going back to that hell . I say Not . not ever.
