I am tired lonely and angry and suicidal I have had enough I am not strong enough to do any of this (life) anymore try living with 12 or more ppl in your head at once I just can't do it
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
its not worth it trust me. been there done that. is there someone you can call to talk with like your sponsor or like a helpline or something. im not too good at giving advice but trust me it'll get better.
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Manon! stay with us.....is there an epic center near you or somewhere you can walk in and ask to see someone.you may be messing with your meds and its got you trippin..I understand no one knows what its like to have "all those voices in your head" but please get some help..pray to God for strength.we are only here for a 'minute"so no sense leavin early..Continue posting so we know how you are so we may be able to offer some kind of help!!I am on my way to church and I will make an explicit altar call in your behalf.Seek professional help quickly.I will stop back in later in afternoon,please be here..................mike
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
All I can do is pray for your strength and resolve to move forward,one of the many spiritual readings that I fall back on when "it all seems dark" is.. 'GOD IS NEAR,DO NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING ,BUT IN EVERYTHING ,BY PRAYER AND PETITION,WITH THANKSGIVING,PRESENT YOUR REQUESTS TO GOD,AND THE PEACE OF GOD WHICH TRANSCENDS ALL UNDERSTANDING,WILL GUARD YOUR HEART AND YOUR MIND .(paraphased)This is not about religion but about getting as close to your 'HIGHER POWER " AS YOU CAN..When we surrendered we had to move to this area or we could not move forward...I wish you peace and will look forward to hearing from you.... mike
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
We turned our will and our lives over to the care of God, as you understand him.
Our lives are unmanagable, sometimes our minds are too, turn it over.
We dont use no matter what, we turn it over to the care and love of something bigger then ourselves and our addiction.
Came to believe a pwoer greater then ourselves could restore us to sanity, in the mean time WE STAYED CLEAN and took responsibility for our disease and addiction, quit blaming some alter ego I got a few myself and I am responsible for those little bastards too.
God PLEASE grant me the serenity to live inside this F'd up head just for today, amen and thank you.
I love ya' girl-Don't do anything right yet. Talk to someone IMMEDIATELY-SOMEWHERE! Write down your feelings-I don't have a clue what you're going thru, but its nothing that cannot be resolved-take it 24 seconds at a time, 24 minutes at a time-Give yourself a little credit.
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"...To weather the storms of tomorrow, you've got to have strength today."
Your a first for me Manon I have never heard anyone put responsibility for there drug use on there alter ego though I do have one inside myself I call Steven, he's my evil side he did evil things but maybe it's really not a joking matter and I really do have this alter ego that I am not responsible for who can rule my life ? maybe that's who had control of it before I got clean ? and I still do some little evil mischievous things, maybe I will just blame him for all that though, I did try that one once with Jenn and got laughed at well it actually made her uncomfortable because he has his own little evil voice too LOL.
Are you taking the meds that help prevent the alter egos to pop out ? are there some ?
Do you need to get yourself back into a locked place to be watched ?
Rayne, sweets, it's ok ! You have a right to feel that way as we indeed have the right to feel wrong ! You , Vin and I have been through this many times in the past 5/6 years !
Theres this intense posting here, followed by elation and a high in recovery ! That is when I have learnt the meaning of the old American management adage= "Get out whle the gping is still good!"
So what Im doing is love meeting in addition to MIP< taken seperately I have experienced, at the most, a sort of daily reprieve. This means if i do only live meetings or only MIP, chances are I will be complacent and experience terminal hip and fatal cool.
However when I Program it such that live and MIP and alternated, the result has been an unshakeable foundation in recovery !
My dear one, it all seem like only yesterday, but was 5 years ago. I remember that post between you, Vin and I and I had teased you by calling you "Rayne, buddy". Your resonse was coll and I knew Id found a friend for life ! I need you in my recovery and hope you need us too !
Also, as a old associate in recovery, I take liberty to advice you that it is also ok to only read posts !
Try one and all combination of staying clean and serene "tricks and tactics". I know it will work for you too, and thanks for your honesty !
God bless you and keep you safe, loved and feeling very wanted by your Inidan friend,
Warm fuzzies and best of recovery luck to you !
-- Edited by Raman on Monday 12th of October 2009 11:10:14 AM
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
"And if you want to hurt yourself, remember that I love you, "And if you wanna burn yourself, remember that I love you, "And if you wanna kill yourself, remember that I love you, "Call me up before you're dead, we can make some plans instead, "Send me an IM, I'll be your friend..."
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I may not be 'All That', but I'm always on my mind!
Hey Manon! I hope today is brighter for you.And although I am newbie here on this site I see "love" being expressed with interactions among us.I firmly blieve that "people who really care" take time to communicate their thoughts or suggestions in the manner they know.Relationships(can be a terribly painful area,basictext)bring sunshine and rain,somedays we have our umbrella ,some days we dont.We get to know each other by communicating ,I believe if we didnt care we wouldnt bother.Sharin each others pain,gets us out of our own heads and puts a different perspective on things.We all need each other..please continue to help others as it will defintely be of help to you...just my 2 cents as some one who just showed up.......peace.......
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Manon,Just be strong,remember you are your own best friend .Don't do antythingto hurt yourself.
