hi my name is shawnmichelle and i am a 32 yr old female in nc. i started using when i was 13 and when i was 16 i was in a car accident that left me in a wheelchair. so needless to say my addiction went full force. first stint in drug rehab was at 15 and numerous times since then. my last rock bottom of all rock bottoms was dec. 26 2008. i have been clean since except for a 2 week relapse in late may. i attend outpatient therapy weekly and have tried meetings but, i really dont know how to ssay this without sounding like a horrible person...i am trouble evrywhere i go, some how without conciously knowing it, my manipulitive skills come out, you know the addiction works when you dont even know it. but the point is i know i need to work some steps and i know i need a sponsor for that. so my intentions are to keep doing what im doing as far as my outpatient therapy and going online here at this site, staying in contact with other recovering addicts here online and eventually when i learn how to interact with people in public, id love to go back to na. so, please if anyone can help, i would be forever grateful. thanks
Hi, SMichelle! Glad you're here! I'm so glad that you have decided to get a Sponsor and work the Steps!!! That's where the change begins...
Nobody arrives in NA brimming over with spiritual principles. Just because we stop using doesn't mean that we stop the behaviors. In NA we understand that... we were exactly the same when we first got here. There is NOTHING that you could possibly share that hasn't been said or done by another addict in the Fellowship. Believe me on this one, please... it's very true. Don't allow your character defects to prevent you from getting the help you need. Our disease likes to isolate us, telling us that we are bad people, not good enough, less than, ect...
There are people who do strictly online recovery with online Sponsors and it works for them. However, I firmly believe that there is no substitute for face-to-face meetings and Sponsorship, when possible. THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION.
I do not Sponsor people online, because so much is missed. It's hard to spot bullcrap when you can't read the subtle signs of body language and voice tones. If somebody is trying to sling some justification and rationalisation, and nobody crys bullcrap on them to stop the process, they most likely will end up using... and all of us in NA know that the chances of them coming back alive from relapse are very slim.
I strongly urge you to attend real-life meetings as well as online recovery forums and meetings. Welcome!!!
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I may not be 'All That', but I'm always on my mind!
Glad you found us,keep posting.I also am thinking if you are able to share here "about being trouble everywhere you go' and staying in contact with recovering addicts here ,you may also be able to do that "live"?Just let everyone know right up front how you feel?? (maybe you have done that?)Anyway only my 2 cents and glad you are here...Keep coming back.! Talk with you on the rebound!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Yes Tisa! I agree,,,, some meetings can start out f**YOU ,i DONT CARE WHAT YOU THINK,THIS IS MY DEAL,Not here for you... ETC,AH ETC...nothing like live face -to -face meetings.. for real!! I also believe practising spiritual principles will bring about 'discerment over time though.Thanks for that valueable insight......
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
The only thing I have to add here is Im going to give you back what Ive been given: TRY NOT TO BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF! I am , as are countless others, the proof in the puddin' that just because you have the time clean doesnt mean we are miraculously all better. It takes hard work. I am working on all those defects of character that keep me belonging here hey. at least we belong somewhere lol
Keep coming back. Its through the hard work of our fellow n/a members that we are able to. If one person gives back that keeps it going!thank goodness there are actually millions. :)
I have almost 2 and a half years clean, and im battling that pesky old cross addiction everyone told me about Im learning quickly that its all the same thing: stemming from my inner stinkin' thinkin' , guilt , and lack of spirituality.It is still showing up in my life because I stopped working AS hard about a year ago! I just know that as long as I dont use, I dont have to go back to" that" place. Thats something.Heck thats everything to an addict who has hit bottom and inched up ever so slightly
Im rambling now so Im going to shut up and sign off keep coming back. God Bless Carol
ps. I tend to agree with Tia too! It is hard to call someone on all their b.s. without being face-to-face. if this is where you have to be until you get your foundation set, it is definately better to be here than no meeting at all for sure!!! I personally, have had my own problems MAKING myself attend face-to-face meetings. I am ALWAYS glad I made myself at the end of those meetings though so my advice is to do whatever it takes to get your butt in those seats espec. being a newbie.
Good Luck and ill look forward to talking to you in the future!
thank you for your response. i understand completly about not being able to call bs, it would be impossible to tell that on a computer, heck its not easy to tell in person. i am still scared to death to go anywhere, after all its only been about 10 months and i havent been working on any of the skills that will teach me how to live without using. but i can only take it one day at a time, just sometimes it gets so overwhealming. again thank you
you know, you said something that really made me think, something very simple.."why dont you just tell them how you feel", wow, i hadnt even thought about that! thank you. sometimes the simplest things just arent so easy. im sure you might have the same problem, im always complicating things way more than they actually are! thanks!
you got it right on..i'm dealing with cross addictions/stinkin thinkin, and just as long as i dont use, im thinking i will learn in time how to deal with these emotions. but honestly im scared to death that it wont be fast enough and that if something doesnt happen soon, that "evil bitch" as i like to call the crazy girl in me, will come out and use. i feel like if the character defects dont get some help, that i will use. i thank you so much for responding, it really helps me to be able to come online and feel support from other recovering addicts.
!
I am , as are countless others, the proof in the puddin' that just because you have the time clean doesnt mean we are miraculously all better. It takes hard work. I am working on all those defects of character that keep me belonging here 
hey. at least we belong somewhere lol
Im learning quickly that its all the same thing: stemming from my inner stinkin' thinkin' , guilt , and lack of spirituality.It is still showing up in my life because I stopped working AS hard about a year ago! I just know that as long as I dont use, I dont have to go back to" that" place. Thats something.Heck thats everything to an addict who has hit bottom and inched up ever so slightly 
