Its become my habit to define for sure the words used in questions like this.  Many words I have assumed I knew the definitions of only to find out later Im not that bright.


Emotionally :  emotion. of or relating to the emotions . tending to excite emotion . liable to excessive emotion . likely to excite emotion .


balance  : an even distribution of weight , stability of body and mind . a harmony of design and proportion .  to bring into or to keep equilibrium .    moderate course or compromise .


For my entire life I have sought the only thing I knew to level out the extreme highs and lows of my emotional makeup .
As a small kid these highs and lows were combated with attention and things. This was a habit that continued through my using.

When I started using drugs I found that not only did it bring me attention from the people in my mind that most mattered but it made the war between high and low more bearable.

I had found the solution and it was drugs.

Of course we know how that worked out for me.

Just for today that battle within me is quelled . I use the tools available . I talk with other addicts.  I recognize compulsive behaviors .  Im learning to think twice or even three or four times before acting.  Im praying.  Im learning to be ok with the here and now.   I spend as little time as possible in my head. Its bad company in there.

Just for today Im finding some balance. And with that balance comes some peace . And with just a bit of peace comes the grace of one more day without using.

Fab Tisa, creative, I like that !
Emotionall balanced dosent mean "permanent, unaltered serenity/ sanity" to me anymore.
In the early days of recovery, I believe I was misguided by some unknowing people that one has to be serene/sane/standard all the fukking time !
Thats is a ridiculous concept and is dangerous for recovery as it places too much stress on the recovering addict !

Later my sponsor started to instruct me about realities,,the new insight I had was life will be throwing stuff at me all the time and sometiems catches me by surprise. If that is a pleasant surprise, then pleasure follows but as it is, these nasty surprises are the ones that cause pain and dis-tress.
Like, on Saturday I booked my ticket to India where I need to be for a month. I did get an acknowledgement immediately.
Then 48 hours later yesterday, I called to ask why I had not got the e-ticket yet and they said they would send it quick.
Even this morning it hadnt been recieved, so when I called they said
" Unless you send us a passport, we dont send the ticket".
My first thought was
"Why didnt you tell me yesterday or earlier you goddamn whore".

I was impuklsive in that thought but the next one was
"cant be her fault, so lets see how to set this right".
Been a right two hours of stress and moving away from it with some constructive action, and then another things comes and once again action to move away from that !

So what I have doen is send the passport copy, send a mail, and now Im waiting further developments.
And as i was at wits end, wondering waht to do, I sent this message, and just before this, miraculously got a call from an old recovering friend in India called Cecil.
I was fortunate to be there when he first got clean and we did things together in recovery.
And today, he calls me in a dire moment.

I call it a Miracle of Karma !
What I did unto others, now came back, a good turn !

As long as I "practise" what I know ,ask for help when I need it, and stay in the day, I remain okay.Each day  forward I am granted, I try to continually 'IMPROVE' some area of my life ,as simple as 'RELAXING.learning to chill with absolutely nothing goin on,especially in 'MY HEAD'.Iam not always the leader(family,church group,running team,organizer)and thats fine.(Sgt. Rock SYNDROME!)Just for today I will practise what has been given to me and pray that it is a balance that will be a gift for the God of my understanding.If I can do that I will "shine"  
Love these questions Tisu thanks ,it is stimulating!! can you smell all the "wood" burning!!!!! :)

Ha,ha,ha, Gosh, thanks Mike, thanks, 
Good thing that woman on the other end of the phone didnt know what I was thinking !

Been hellava rigmarole this day ! I sent em documents as requested and still no call from them. 
In fact I did think an old thought
"What are they fukking with my head for ?"

There I was in tension all the rest of the day, but saying to myself
"calm down pal, going to be allright".
 
AND THEN IT HAPPENS MIKE,,,,,,, I have a Guided Relaxation with this very spiritual lady at the Hep.c group and then, Miracles, 

The guys are calling and saying 
"Sorry, we sent to the wrong email, can you please send us this, this and this !" 
And so Ive done, with just minutes to spare for the deadline !

Seems after all that struggle and the surrender, things will be allright ! 

But Il know for sure only in the morning, so Im wishing I stay out of madness till then, Amen ! 

( AND,,,,saying the Serenity Prayer too bro, I think another  90 of them's a great idea for this addict !) !

-- Edited by Raman on Wednesday 16th of September 2009 03:47:57 PM

What does it mean to me to be emotionally balanced?

That I HAVE an emotion, ACKNOWLEDGE the emotion, DO NOT RUN FROM the emotion, DO NOT WALLOW in the emotion, DO NOT ACT OUT on the emotion, that I EXPRESS the emotion, DEAL WITH the emotion, and ALLOW MYSELF TO FEEL the emotion, and ALLOW IT TO PASS IN IT'S OWN TIME.

Am I emotionally balanced?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no... usually depending upon how well I've been working my program and applying spiritual principles in my life.

I'm glad that everyone appears to be enjoying the QOD... I will happily continue to post it.

I am not the originator, though... I get it from Dan A from Indiana... who gets it from John Y in Florida... who gets it... um I dunno, but he gets it!