Do you ever feel LESS happy when you're using?

Girl_in_Theory · Member

Do you ever feel LESS happy when you're using?

alyqat4 · Senior Member

Hey Girl, yes i can honestly say i feel ya... I think it would suck to have a head full of NA and then try and get high... haven't tried it thank my HP. I get bored easily so I got involved with service right away and made friends... i have a group I hang out with and there are always new people coming into the program. If you put yourself out there, there may come a time where a little bit of boredom is nice. Ahhhh I'm thinking about it right now... so peaceful... LOL:) You are right where you need to be which is gettin' honest... You go to meetings in your area??

Tahir · Member

Yes, you said it right Girl-in-Theory

By working the Steps with the help of a Sponsor, I've come to realize that life could be lived fully & naturally whether it be - pain or joy, excitement or boredom, success or failure - without having to seek a chemical fix...

For me, today, I choose to call happiness and sadness as 'pleasant good' and 'unpleasant good', and I do have come to accept that it's far better to feel and experience even the unpleasant good normally (without having to use) as compared to seeking intoxicated thrill that takes me on an extreme and deceptive euphoria-emptiness-depression ride...

DeanC · Guru

Hello GIT and welcome to the board. So when you working you feel "OK" and when you're in between jobs, you tend to relapse. It's common for us addicts to use outside people, places, and things for our self esteem because we don't own much inner (true) self esteem. When you're working you saying to yourself "I am working, I am good, worthy of love..." and when you're not you're saying "I'm no good, I'm not worthy....".

It's very typical and we all do it whether we are aware of it or not. Nothing wrong with feeling good about working if we can think about it in a different way. "I am good, I am worthy of love, peace , prosperity, serentiy, security, good health..." and I like working for it. biggrin

John Bradshaw talks a lot about this. "We are human Be-ings, not human Do-ings". We are good and deserve love just because we are here and are God's creation. If God is a problem for you right now, think of these positive affirmations as a birth right that come along with your birth certificate like a warranty. Get and read a couple of his books "Healing the shame that binds you", and "On the family". The first one is self explanitory, the second is about the dynamics of dyfunctional families and the roles that the members play in them.

a great little book to get and use is "Positive affirmations for adult children of alcoholics" anywhere for about $6 (amazon). Doesn't matter if your parents were not alcoholics (one of them was probably an addict or obsessive compulsive about something). It is a daily reader with a small page per day of positive affirmations to read outloud to yourself. By the repetition of reading these we replace good messages and remove the bad (self destructive) ones. This is very important. Here's a sample of positive affirmations.

"If you suffer from low self-esteem, then you know how difficult it is to function every day without hearing that negative inner voice. Affirmations can help raise your self-esteem.

When you are unable to believe in yourself, you hear the same negative thoughts over and over. If you were a victim of emotional/verbal abuse, then you probably hear those same harsh words being played again and again inside your mind.

The truth that many people havent discovered is that these negative words can be rewritten. Wouldnt you rather rewrite your inner script, than listen to the negative talk the rest of your life?

Positive affirmations to improve your self-esteem should include I am statements. These positive statements, about your potential and who you are, serve to exponentially increase your self-esteem over time.

To get you started, use these positive affirmations to help improve your self-esteem:

I am a good person.
I am a loving and generous person.
I can let go of my fear of loving.
I am worthy of love.
I will open myself to new relationships each day.
I am a courageous person.
I am capable of success in anything I put my mind to doing.
I can set goals and achieve them.

As you can see, positive affirmations are simple statements. These statements serve as a springing board to jump start your self-esteem in a more positive direction."

http://www.nurturedsoul.com/affirmations-for-self-esteem/

AnthonyG · Senior Member

Dean you never cease to amaze me. Maybe one day you can cash the whole deck thing out and become a therapist. The world needs at least one whos worth a S**t.

Girl, The dope lies . There are moments that are not so good during relapse . But there are also moments that will,just as you suspect , thrill you. Dope dosent usually work by throwing you in the gutter on your first high. It draws you in deep before it gets bad. At first your motivated , your cool. Your mind works better than ever. You communicate with others well. Your work ( even if in your own mind) gets better. You are in control and it is thrilling.

But as we all know things change. It changes at different speed for all of us. But when it changes it takes us all to the same place . The commonality . The thing we all share. The thing that brought us here. THE PAIN .

Just for today , I will not let the dope lie to me .

BigV · Senior Member

I might WHITE KNUCKLE a few minutes out of a month, WHY? well theres something inside thats feeling unsettled, fearful or uncomfortable ( hungry angry lonely or tired ) I START my inventory there.

The sooner I get to the bottom of what i'm feeling the sooner it ( white knuckling ) goes away.

If your recovery is that bad then somethings not right inside, theres work to be done and going back through the steps honestly will help.

Lifes life, its a struggle especially for us when its good and when its bad doesn't matter.

Not putting you down just been there done that and sharing what works for me.

Girl_in_Theory · Member

I don't think anyone can put me down more than I put myself down.

I do not go to meetings. I'm not sure if I will - I have a brother in AA and from what I know of that program, I doubt I will ever be comfortable enough to go to one.
I have a problem admitting that i have a problem, and I don't really feel like life would be worth living if I had to be sober all the time - that's the honest truth and I'm kind of embarrassed to say so. I have a problem with honesty, also.

When my brother entered AA, he got sober, and I am eternally grateful to have him back, and alive, and healthy. He met a wonderful woman and he's a total inspiration.

Him and I are different people, though. I don't like having close friends, and I don't like examining myself. I work in an industry where drug use is common, and I don't really want to stop drinking wine - even if I really really want to quit taking pills.

I think about it a lot, but I don't want to commit to anything. I don't want to give out my phone number, I don't want people to call me, I don't want... help.

But yet, I'm constantly worrying about killing myself, and feeling like I'm in a jail cell. Sometimes I go through a night of withdrawals and then stop dosing for three months or so, scared that I was becoming dependent again you know? It's only a matter of time.
I feel like I should just give up. I don't think I can be helped.

Girl_in_Theory · Member

I know that sounds really terrible. I'm sorry.

BigV · Senior Member

Sounds like your being perfectly HONEST to me , but let me add a warning sign here, the disease of addiction plays with your mind, talks you out of things like helping yourself to get well. In many ways it wants you dead so maybe thats your addiction talking and the person reaching out is the real you ?

Just something to ponder over, we learn the games that addiction play by experience, I myself feels like its a spirit and a not very healthy loving spirit this addiction is, seems to want every bit of me spiritually, mentally and physically, it likes me in misery so I can go on those benders and try to kill myself by getting so high I dont think or feel anything that's really going on in life.

This is a feeling thing we use because of how we feel about ourselves and that is where the program helps us face those things that brought on the bad feelings, face them and accept them and take responsibility for them so we dont have to use so the disease has nothing to use against us.

I wanted to use last night really bad as a matter of fact, I felt bad I felt hurt I felt humiliated I recognized that I felt all those things and accepted them as , well , just feelings and thats ok glad to feel not real glad to feel bad but they'll pass as they have this morning and I am still clean and every things going to be ok those feelings wont kill me but using will.

Keep coming back girl

MIKEF · Guru

Keep coming back! Talk about it...Many of us thought we couldnt be helped..we were wrong..mikef

Tahir · Member

DeanC wrote:
To get you started, use these positive affirmations to help improve your self-esteem:
I am a good person.
I am a loving and generous person.
I can let go of my fear of loving.
I am worthy of love.
I will open myself to new relationships each day.
I am a courageous person.
I am capable of success in anything I put my mind to doing.
I can set goals and achieve them.
As you can see, positive affirmations are simple statements. These statements serve as a springing board to jump start your self-esteem in a more positive direction."

Hey thanks for sharing these simple yet powerful tools. Glad I read this now, you know what, I need these kind of affirmations right now in my life, and I'm gonna try 'em out and see

Manon · Guru

Dean wow man that was profound I needed that tid bit I think I will also take that advice to heart ty again love your posts

Girl_in_Theory · Member

Dean, I started the day with the affirmations you listed. To be honest, I didn't think they'd really help at all, but I was greatly surprised at how they affected my actions today. I had to repeat them about a hundred times, ha, but I'm seriously grateful that you gave me something to focus on, thank you.

I never know if recovery is within reach or a million miles away. It makes me want to give up, and just accept the fact that I'm a user. Today I'm trying to concentrate on making it through dinner, and that's it. I get so super overwhelmed when I look at the calender, it only makes me want to fail more.

I'm grateful that I can come here for a quick strength shot. I wish they sold THAT in bottles...

Manon · Guru

works if you work it hun sorry bout sounding so 12 step like but you have to want this to make it work continue to post and we will continue to support you
if no one has told you that you are loved let me b the first I love ya sister from another mister

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