My husband decided against treatment after telling me yesterday he would check himself into a treatment facility. I am not disappointed but I would like an answer to a question.
My husband age 44 is a crack addict who has been in or out of treatment programs for 30 years. He claims that he is attending AA/NA meetings and is currently working with a sponsor to kick his crack addiction. My husband was prescribed hydrocodone for back pain and never informed the doctor that he was an addict.
My question: If you are attempting to get clean and sober, would any sponsor or AA/NA members encourage my husband to continue to take hydrocodone for his back pain? Hydrocodone is a narcotic and my husband states and I quote "my sponsor said, man its OK to take your pain medication so long as you follow the instruction correctly and do not abuse the drug."
-- Edited by DeltaRedd1984 on Wednesday 29th of July 2009 10:51:14 AM
(1) He didn't tell his physician the real deal. What does that tell you?
(2) Who knows what any particular sponsor or AA/NA member would say? We don't speak for each other, or one speak for all.
(3) The intent of the comment was probably to let your husband know that the sponsor did not hold the belief that a person with an addiction disorder taking any drug, even as prescribed, is bad, in the black or white sense, which some do believe.
(4) For myself, I seek a doc who is knowledgable and trained in addiction medicine, as well as his or her speciality, because as an addict I am automatically a complex patient, especially when pain management is involved. And it makes a huge difference, medically, whether the person is still using or not. Nothing to play around with.
(4) You sure you're not disappointed?
__________________
From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
I can relate here as one of my loved ones is trying to recover from an addiction problem for more than 2 years now. Down the line, after seeking guidance and working the program on my situation in context of my loved one's addiction, it dawned on me finally that what this substance was for my loved one, my loved one has become for me. I was all the time occupied with thoughts centered around why my loved one doesn't get help like I want her to, why does she not be careful with her doctor regarding certain medication prescribed for one of her chronic conditions, assuming and accusing her of being dishonest etc, sometimes to such a point that I'm all over her, paranoid that she is manufacturing fake pain when she even complains of genuine pain and discomfort to me.
I realized that it was not about her, that it was about my codependency. I realized that it's not only her who is powerless over her addiction, that I'm powerless over her addiction problems too, that I'm feeding off her dis-ease too, and I became aware that if I try to control her, my life becomes unmanageable creating a lot of fear, paranoia, anger, frustration, bitterness, self-righteousness, pain and self-pity within me.
It is painful to see a loved one struggle I must have to admit, and at times it does seem like we have all the answers, if only the other listened to me... we might be right too, we might actually know all the answers... still I am powerless over another, accepting this truth gives me hope - that there is a Power greater than me and my loved one who could restore my loved one to sanity. Turning over the situation to a Higher Power helps me adapt healthy principles in this context, detach from my loved one's struggles, and most importantly, live my own life, fully and completely no matter what...
Delta, It's great that your husband is at least trying to make AA/NA meetings, and is actually having someone as a Sponsor. There are many who are in such painful denial that they completely shut their minds to meetings/sponsor etc. I went to AA/NA meetings on-and-off for almost 4-5 years before finally making it clean. It's a process, it's painful for all loved ones involved no doubt... but I've seen this happen to even my parents - that misery was optional they realized. They got help from Al-Anon and family counseling, and they stopped being miserable because I create this daily mess in their lives. They did eventually start living their lives, inspite of their pain, and that did help me clean up my act too, in a way... as long as they clung on to me as my seducer/savior/offender/victim, I played along. The moment they stopped playing, I couldn't play anymore, there was nothing to feed on no more for me...
I just felt like sharing all this here, my own personal experiences... that's all there is to it so that's what these experiences are, just MY personal experiences... need not necessarily be so for another, thanks for listening...
__________________
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Thank you for your responses. I attend Al-Anon and also AA open meetings regularly. I finally admitted to myself and to my sponsor that I was addicted to my husband - the addict. I am currently going through growing pains and trying to become the person my Higher Power intended me to be. I am a lot happier since my husband and I separated and I do have peace when I go home.
At time, I still get caught up in his drama and I have to ask myself why. I am not disappointed that he is using pain medication, what I hate is the lying. It insults my intelligence.
I wanted to let you know that I also have a 24 year old son in recovery from Heroin addiction.He is back home with us now for about 7 months after getting released from jail.About 2 and a half years ago I showed up in the rooms of Naranon(parents,friends ,relatives of addicts)similar to Alanon but a little more open format.It has been a real blessing for me to learn to 'detach with love" from him when I had to.Also like Tahir says to remember we cannot control anything the addict does(shouldnt I know that after almost 25 years in recovery?)Anyway its a wonderful program if there are any around your area,check it out..Addicts that are parents of addicts have an added scenario going on that I dont have control over I AM HIS FATHER ,but we are also both addicts.I can only rely on the tools the process has taught from an addicts standpoint and my parenting skills ,im still looking for the manual!!!I am an active member of both fellowships Narcotics Anonymous and Naranon.Little weird at times but still a blessing.I have more therapy than Sigmund Freud going on in my head,some days it even works!!Good luck,keep comin back peace mikef
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
We are not doctors however we do have a pamphlet on medication, to me though your husband may be using that as an excuse to use and there really is not anything you can do about it accept get to a nar-anon meeting. When he is done he is done. No such thing as cross addicted you are an addict period.
when he hits the bottom he will either get sober or you know the alternitives as well as we do i have relapsed many times and it is always harder to get clean every time i agree with dean about the x thing i hope it al works out
__________________
some of us win some of us lose with god and this program i will be a winner
In April I kicked my husband out of our home. We have been married for 11.5 years. He moved into his parents home. He does not pay rent and is now able to use all of his check to by crack. I attend Al-Anon and AA/NA because there are no Nar-Anon meetings in my city or close by. I know the answer to my question, I just wanted someone else's point of view.
This is a tough one for me. I live with a addict. I have been recovering for 2 years on the 8th. Its hard to come home and see your mate killing themselves still when I know they see what NA has done to my life. I have to keep reminding myself that it is his shit and not mine. I sink enough as it is. Cross Addiction is honestly there. By not telling the doctor, I would say that taking the meds is wrong and is using. You have to be honest with your docs. Because of my past... I am a sick person (health wise) My doc and I have worked threw what meds I must take and that are not so addictive. He knows of my addictions. Because of my drinking and drug use ,,,, I will always be on meds. The good thing is ... . I dont have to use anything that might hurt me or others. Good Luck
Thank you for your responses. I attend Al-Anon and also AA open meetings regularly. I finally admitted to myself and to my sponsor that I was addicted to my husband - the addict. I am currently going through growing pains and trying to become the person my Higher Power intended me to be. I am a lot happier since my husband and I separated and I do have peace when I go home.
At time, I still get caught up in his drama and I have to ask myself why. I am not disappointed that he is using pain medication, what I hate is the lying. It insults my intelligence.
Thank you for allowing me to post here.
Thank you for allowing us to have an insight of how the decease affects those close to us, hopefully you're husband will come to terms on what he has to do soon, for me it was the mental anguish I simply could not take it anymore, I was close to loosing my mind, unfortunately different addicts have different tresholds some simply give up and go for total self destruction, some like my self surrender and admit we need help and totally sumitt our selves to that help, hopefully your ex will too......good luck.
friends this is a biggie!!!!Ive shared my story on "first post" and am currently cross addicted to gambling and tearing my NEW marriage apart. I couldnt figure out why I wasnt feeling the same, thought maybe I didnt love him and all that bullshit when I realized one thing,.....
Its the secrets that were making my marriage sick. period.
cross addicton is scary. To me even scarier than the first time around because of the fact that I knew what I had to do to stop it, and felt completely powerless to stop. so here i go again, 2 years and 4 months after getting clean the first time.....back to step one!!!!!!!
Last week my husband broke into his place of employment and stole money out of the store's safe. His parents paid the owner off so that he would not press charges on their only child. My husband, fearing the worst checked himself into a treatment facility. Once he realized that the owner would not press charges, he checked himself out of treatment. I tried to talk to him about long term treatment but he refused to listen. After detoxing, he was release and then bought some crack that Saturday.
My husband will never hit rock bottom as long as he has parents that enable this type of behavior. He is not working and is currently living at his parents home. Next year, after I drop him from my health insurance, I will be able to seek and obtain a divorce based on fault. I intend to claim that my husband's drug addiction is at fault for our marriage failure. The crack man has all of our lawn equipment, TV's, game systems, jewelery, ladders, pressure washing equipment -- you name it and my husband sole/pawned it. My husband sold everything that was not nailed down. Whatever is left, I intend to keep it, including our home. I earned this just by putting up with the insanity of his drugs and the chaos it has caused in my life.
-- Edited by DeltaRedd1984 on Monday 17th of August 2009 11:54:24 AM
-- Edited by DeltaRedd1984 on Monday 17th of August 2009 11:54:58 AM
I am not sure about "cross-addiction", for myself and and those that introduced me to 'recovery from addiction' our experience was that i can be addicted to most anything. I only did a certain drug once a week, sometimes once a month, (for 17 years) but another drug i did 5, 6 days a week for 25 years. the literature tells me 'we don't care what or how much you used just what you want to do about your problem'. I am addicted period, in my own way, but I sure can identify with all those other addicts who are addicted "in their own way" and that connection is what is important to me, not what chemical. thanks for allowing me to share my cross-experience.
so that's what these experiences are, just MY personal experiences... need not necessarily be so for another, thanks for listening...
