Hi Christina, and welcome to the board. Sorry for your physical ailments. i don't know exactly how to say this, and I'm not fully aware of your condition for sure, but your perception of this situation sounds very negative. The way that you have described it, there is no alternative except dying with or without taking the drugs. Certainly this cannot be the case and as such, you should really discuss this more with one or more doctors to get an accurate prognosis and plan for your pain management. I don't want to sound callous but your remarks sound hysterical. My mother, who is 33 years clean and sober, has had 3 back surgeries, 2 heart surgeries, has chronic rumatiod arthritis and many other physical problems, is 78 year old, and has never taken narcotics for her conditions. She doesn't even use novacaine at the dentist and is there frequently as she has terrible issues with her teeth.


You would benefit greatly by sharing these issues that you're having at meetings with old timers/senior citizens that have been through it. If you don't have such people in the NA meetings near you, go to some AA meetings and share them. I live Florida and most of the people here (and the meetings) are 60's, 70's, 80's, and 90's year olds. If I went to an old timers meeting and started to complain bitterly about physical problems, I'd hear alot of laughter first, before the experience, strength, and hope was passed along. A "welcome to the club" so to speak. The worst thing that we can do, as addicts, is to create some unique and unsolvable situation, in our head, (the "Poor Me's") that is soon followed by "The is no hope, I might as well use". This is your disease talking, please get to a meeting and share it.

Dean

Your mother (pardon me) is Insane and a Martyr for inflicting more pain upon herself that is unwarranted. I have met thousands of people in AA, CA, and NA just like her. She is only reacting to "fear" not staying clean. This is not what God has intended for us. Yes, I was hysterical when I wrote this because I am a manic depressive and this is the way I think. I'm sure you have another little lecture on manic depressives taking medication to stay out of the psychiatric locked units in restraints due to psychotic breaks for years. Do me a favor, read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, find the word "Jesus." Then find the pages that talk about seeing what 12-step programs call "outside help." Outside help with doctors is in the Big Book. Please don't tell me this is an NA website, I know it is, but there is information in both books that is very helpful.

I don't usually mince words, and because of that some people really can't stand me. I have learned over the years that that doesn't matter. All that matters is am I telling the truth about how I am feeling? Do I have a right to do so anywhere -- since I am a citizen of the United States of America -- yes I do -- since I am a human being with real feelings, opinions, experiences, hope (yes, I always hold on to my hope, which comes ONLY from God, not man) -- yes, I do.

The Lord knows what is going on with me. No one on this planet does, except for one other human being, and I told him EVERYTHING. I don't have to explain myself to anyone anywere for any reason whatsoever ever again. I sound anger, but you will not understand that this is not anger, this is coming from God. He has been with me a very, very, long time. Way before I was conceived to the monsters who raised me. It sounds to me like you are like many, many, many people who do not want to talk about feelings or admit that there is something seriously wrong with ALL of the human race. Because you are clean and in NA (or any other 12-step program) does not make you or anyone else in 12-step programs "different" from any other human being on this planet -- although I have met my fill of NA, CA, and AA people who think so. I'd rather not continue going to meetings that have become in the last say -- oh -- a guess -- 10-15 years more like hanging in a bar with fellow addicts, although we are all clean now, and crazier than loons, because we cannot have something to deaden our feelings, which is what we did all of those years, whether we want to face up to that and do something about it or not.

Don't ever compare another human being's physical, emotional, mental health issues, abuse issues, spirituality, etc., etc., etc. If you have not walked in their shoes, you do not know what you are talking about when you ever so nicely put them down for being who they are, what they are, and where they are. I do not ever feel sorry for myself -- I am just frightened right now, and needed to put it on the table. I knew I would get lectures, but I'm fine with that -- I've heard it all before -- and quite frankly I have absolutely no feelings about it when I hear it one more time --- Ha! Ha! Ha!

All it does is keep me from getting the help I need. I will just keep on praying, because I know God is the answer -- my ONLY answer.

Thank you. Please do not waste my time again and reply to my messages with lectures.

Think. Be creative. Be imaginative. Write about your feelings.



What --- Are --- You --- Afraid --- Of?????  Please write about that.

Sincerely, Christina1

So far your response and you are the only ones I like. Hang on. I'll reply again later. Tired and going to bed. Was just very frightened last night and had to get it out.

What -- Are -- You -- Frightened -- Of?

Christina1 wrote:

---

" Then find the pages that talk about seeing what 12-step programs call "outside help." Outside help with doctors is in the Big Book. Please don't tell me this is an NA website, I know it is, but there is information in both books that is very helpful."

---

So my mother is crazy huh?  Well she was a mental patient for the decade previous to her coming into the program in '75.  She has been free from meds and psychiatric care ever since.  Nice Rant though!  She simply chose being a recovering addict over being crazy.  It's better to be in pain and retain your sanity, according to her.  But do it your way, I'm sure it'll work out for you.

Apparently you don't read very well.  Basically, my message read you're not going to die and go talk it over with your doctors.  But don't let me get in the way of your self victimization.  Every good victim needs a villain, glad that I could be the object of your personal dissatisfaction du jour. 

 

-- Edited by DeanC on Wednesday 1st of July 2009 07:43:18 AM

Dear Dear Dear,,,ugh !

All said and done, I think Christina owes Dean an apology at the very least.
And tho she hasnt atacked Vin directly, I believe ther's an apology due there too.
" We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong rpomptly admitted it !!!"

The Basic Text says that we need to remember that whatever feelings we have will pass.

Me being in pain does not give me an automatic justification to lambast another member here,,and then rationalise it as due to so and so causes.

Pain in recovery is a terrible thing, but a reality. It's apt for a recovering addict to be disturbed by the prescence of physical or emotional pain, simply because theres no drug of choice to alter those feelings.

This day my eyes have been paining, my minds in a bad space and Im feeling emotional pain in a certain context and so what did I do ?
Relax in the day, and get ready for a walk and a spiritual meeting in the evening.

Living here in the UK, studying for my masters, and then having to work here to get the full benefit is a bit difficult, especially as Im quite well established in my native place of Bangalore India.

What seemed like an adventure in September 2008 now looks like im making the nest of a bad situation.
Id fallen in love on internet with a cute chick, I oved all of her . I decided Id come be with her here, and do all that necessary to get the visa. So I opted for the long term study route.

I came , I saw and was disappointed. to say the least, I was thinking
" How can this woman treat me like this ?"
The bewilderment has been more intense when I take stick that ive come halfway around the world to be with her, with her full knowledge and having left back a 60000 dollar a year career, a nice home, an NA baby and a carinmother, and a well established circle of NA's , friends and social accquaintances.

In those moments of crisis and self-doubt, twas Dean, Vin and others here that had me hoping for the best and the Miracle has happened again.
Though, to be honest, I was initially quite sceptical of the suggestions offered here, I did realize that they were grounded in the reality of an addicts experience in recovery.

The caring and sharing by the many here quickly set me pon the road of recovery from a bad experience, something that I never did expect to happen.
Thereafter Ive been getting deeper into the studies; Ive been scoring good grades too.
My initial tendency to say to myself
"Fuck it all, lets get the hellout of this stinking situatiion" has now been replaced by a serene and responsible response to the whole affair.

I believe this leaves me the winner, also that the winner takes it all. This victory is NA's and the show of love for the still sufferiung addict by the ones here who had the experience,strength and hope to share.

Recovery is my responsiblity,, I hope this is the last of the insane lambasting that this still suffering addict does, otherwise this this thread may have to be moderated in order to preserve the Unirty here !
My best wishes and sinciere Prayers for her wellbeing, I will Meditate pon her well being too !

Now, In my humble opinion,, you are a spiritual recovering addict Dean,,
you are indeed setting a great example of what an ideal recovery is,,
You are indeed a Higher Power Blessed recovering addict !
Thank you !

Thanks Raman, it means a lot coming from you.

Hey about your heals. I've had some issues with my left heal and it was Plantar fasciitis (PLAN-tur fas-e-I-tis). Which is very very common and is usually caused by wearing shoes that don't offer adequate support (like sandals or loafer, or barefoot). Get yourself some good fitting tennis shoes with good arch support and lace them up snug. Wear them every day and I guarantee that you're have relief within a month. Here's some info about it below. You can also get yourself an excersize thing, from a drug store, that looks like a small plastic dumbell. While you're sitting at your desk or watching tv, you roll your barefoot over it back and forth working the arch and stretching it out.


http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/plantar-fasciitis/ds00508

You guys are awesome... nice responses :) Humility in action :)

We see areas to agree to disagree,we see honesty,anger,experience,strength and hope and humility.Nothing compares to the life of recovery.Sometimes the ride definitely gets bumpy  and it took me a long time to get on the bus but I wouldnt miss the ride for anything.peace mikef

Thanks Mike,,,god suggestios and Ill see if I can buy somethin like that here in Sheff.
By God,,I understand what you mean about getting cranky when not being able to exercise.
I did about 5 miles a day when new in recovery and that was the first instance of a natural high.
Then the hell pain kept me away till I discovered walking.
Like you say,,its time to get myself sorted out ,, close to nature,,close to people,,and at least for the time being feeling good.
Todays been hell because the hep.c. shot brough in wracking oains, delerium and high fever
Ive never felt the prescence of God closer than this,,,.

YES THIS WAS QUITE THE PAGE TODAY!!!your bottom line response is the answer though. as i was reading along to the interaction it was like a pipe burst or something..like another said here though thought it was handled exceptionally well in a recovery fashion,..did i tell you that i also grew up playing pool for $$$ .banked a bit,but during my years in armed forces took me to places where i always got beat though..I.was like triple A in the big leagues.my gramps owned a poolroom.use to let me clean tables and then play all the good guys.i got good,but I guess  not that good..lost my mustering out pay in a 9 ball game in little creek virginia.in 1969.after that addiction won all the games....still love the game but never really got it back.....anyway peace talk to you again....

Hey Dean!
i spent lot of time at the ymca in norfolk.my buddy was stationed on the USS America,CVAN air craft carrier.Was in naval operations base and little creek from 66-70,use to hitchhike up to new york on weekends when we were in port.remember all they had was 3.2 beer,had to drink triple the amount to get a buzz.I left my just paid off pool cue($200)in back of a guys car hitching over chesapeak bay bridge,not a good weekend.have a good day,talk to ya on the rebound! peace  (kudo's to your dad,my buddy was an engine man,worked like 8 decks below.)

Hey Raman, did you get some good lace up shoes?