Mainly my ego manifests itself through concern about recognition, status, competitiveness, and approval seeking/people pleasing. In short, it has to do with how I think that you think about ME! So I have to check my motives, when dealing with decisions that involve others and my perfectionistic ways of doing things. Is that too vague?
Well obvious to me my ego is a MESS lol so if I listen to that sucker i'm in BIG TROUBLE.
This program is helping me to learn to retrain my ego ie: defense mechanisms. Living on a spiritual basis rather then an instinctual drive. This gets quite confusing in the experience and the understanding, at least for me but i'm quite the dimwit lol all I know is most of my psychology is a mess and the most time spent out of my head the better off I is
I relate to the concept that EGO can stand for Edging God Out. When I-I-I, me-me-me, takes over, I am blocking out my Higher Power, by relying on my perceptions (and distortions) of my limited knowledge of the external world. My ego (conscious awareness of self as a thinking and feeling being that is separate from others) often overrides my trust in the spiritual awakening I have been blessed with. I am, in effect, shoving God (or whatever my conception of a power greater than myself is) aside to feed all sorts of "powerfullness" that I am, often unconsciously, buying into. And of course, the more I take back my powerfulness, the quicker my life becomes more unmanageble. What a surprise...go figure! LOL
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
It's kinda of odd for me one of the ways that my ego has been manifesting it self lately (which it hasn't done in a long time) is less then feelings. They say we do medince, relig and phyc One thing I worked on and recognized was fear of failure and fear of success. In addiction I was sure to disappoint myself and others so I did little to set myself up for that. In recovery I looked at the greater than and lesser then aspects of the dis-ease of the spirit I have strived for balance. We live in glass houses and seeing what greater then does to people or lesser then can do. I 've really strived and tried to believe that we are all equal with the same pain. My stuff that really troubles me deeply always seems so triviel to the people in my support system and I have been feeling like there is something more wrong with me. There has been a lot of set backs and obsticals going on this year. Sure it works good to have graditude But I'm havin to go simple basics grateful for eyes, ear's, fingers, toes. It also works well to listen to others to get out of your stuff. I've done that listening to others for quite a few years now and I really don't feel like that is working very well any more. I kinda feel the need to feel heard validated I don't think that it is ego. I think I'm craving identification. People have either not known me cause I'm vague and skittish about letting people in or they veiw my as stable and safe to dump there stuff. Their is not a lot of ebb and flow in the relationships I have in my life. I'm feeling less then cause why don't I seem to have the same entilement to air time. I'm feeling less then cause I found out that for the first time in my recovery I didn't have enough money to pay to go to a convention and I thought i was living within my means and only attended the fri speaker meeting and found out after I did it that I should have paid $25.reg fee We never used to charge for meetings now i feel like I have to pay money I don't have. They said they would never kick anyone out. My sponsor might think that it is my ego that makes me think I have to pay resitution. Today I don't live my life braking rules and I broke one whether or not I agree with the rule which i don't beleive we should read N.A. reading at a speaker meeting if we intend to charge to attend the meeting. OOOOh there is soo much pain inside of me to hear how everyone just sounds like they are rationalizing and justifying and cause there is so many of them that seem to be doing it they all think it is alright. The little voice of the addict in pain inside of me screems with the knowlege the core truth of how wrong it is to do this to our fellow addicts. How segregated I now feel. Those that have and those that don't and the pain I can't get beyound it I really hurt myself I was so humiliated. I have heard many reason's that fellow addicts have come up with to hurt themselves and find reasons to avoid N.A. and I have always said. This is one place I am a member of as long as I choose to be The only person that is going to take my chair away from me is me! Not true any more I couldn't pay for that chair I used and now I owe restitution to right a wrong. I've found out that others I know same like me had not been in town around convention time for years but couldn't afford the whole event and attended the sat meeting and feel no need to pay restitution and no hard feelings that they are charging. So is it my Ego of how I feel it is an injustis to charge that makes me want to pay Any way I just thought I'd be honest instead of all wise and insightful for a change about how EGO is manifesting it's self in my life at the moment. Right now I've had to stay away from meetings cause pretty much the whole town went and all have been talking about nothing else but how wonderful it was for them all and how painful it was for me get presented. In their joy I have pain {It's them and me} I'm one of those addicts that has found a reason to not be a part of and it wasn't by my choice it was cause I didn't have enough MONEY .......... EGO Lesser Then?
I relate to the concept that EGO can stand for Edging God Out. When I-I-I, me-me-me, takes over, I am blocking out my Higher Power, by relying on my perceptions (and distortions) of my limited knowledge of the external world. My ego (conscious awareness of self as a thinking and feeling being that is separate from others) often overrides my trust in the spiritual awakening I have been blessed with. I am, in effect, shoving God (or whatever my conception of a power greater than myself is) aside to feed all sorts of "powerfullness" that I am, often unconsciously, buying into. And of course, the more I take back my powerfulness, the quicker my life becomes more unmanageble. What a surprise...go figure! LOL
