Be careful what you ask for, u just might get it! Hope there is something of some use to somebody in this.  

Welcome to my fictional Old Timers and Loners Club. Ive been straight/sober 26 years, am 61, used from age 7, stopped doing daily/weekly face-to-face meetings after about 15 years of steady program and active service work. Today I choose to use the AA Loner resources, and NA cyber-sobriety. Part of that is due to my dual diagnosis, my spiritual program, and geographic logistics. I still do occasional F2F mtgs. but I dont apologize for how I work my program if and when confronted by well-meaning people who only know the party line and know nothing about me, but go off as soon as I say I have a virtual sponsor whom I have never physically met. Take my inventory and you can keep it, as they say! LOL

Experience: all forms of dope and methods of using except no crack (came out after my time!) & no needles-a garbage head. No jail either, which is astounding. Like many of us, I should have died more than once but by the grace of God was always spared. My drunkalogue is a horror story and while I used to go into detail, I have finally learned to share in a general way, as suggested, what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now. Generally, I was periodically homeless, battered for years, crazy, abusive parent, in deep debt, at times unemployable. Stopped using street drugs in 79, 12-stepped by my first sponsor. My last drink was a 3 day binge w/blackouts, driving my daughter to/from school, woke up in vomit w/her asking if she should make TV dinners for supper. God I pray I never diminish the memory of that. Took 3 days to be able to function & pick up a white chip on 4/6/83. My daughter has permanent impairments in part as a result of my addiction and I have had deep heartache and grieving over her suicide attempts, her homelessness, her unemployability, and her estrangement from me. I spent another 15 years just learning how to live clean and sober and how to deal with the wreckage of the past. Utilized multiple 12 Step fellowships, including Christian.

Strength: learned the program, worked and worked and still work the program, understand the disease and understand the relapse process; read all the original AA/NA literature, studied the old timers, got educated in treating addiction, made a career of it-counseled in and managed specialty programs for so-called hard to reach addicts and alcoholics, all modalities (fancy word for types of treatment, like detox, residential, therapeutic community, outpatient, etc.). Left the field due to a move from Virginia to New Hampshire to be with my beloved and landed in a different job (policy and planning/mental health services). Had a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps. Left the atheism behind and regard my relationship with God as my salvation (no pun intended LOL!).

Hope: Left the atheism behind and regard my relationship with God as my salvation. Want to live more than I want to die. Learning effective meditation, have my other medical and mental condition(s) under control. My daughter is speaking to me today, has forgiven me, has her own sanity back and loves me, lets me love her. Sister is speaking to me today, has forgiven me, loves me and lets me love her. Parents are deceased but I got to make amends before they died so that gives me hope for our souls and spirits. My beloved and I have been together for ten years. We met online. That someone like me can actually learn how to have and maintain a healthy relationship is a blessed miracleand should give anyone hope!!!

All the phrases and sayings of the program have deep wisdom and experience in their originswhat is required is the willingness to listen, really listen, and not just parrot them out in some kind of pseudo robotic recovery that cant really take root unless they are practiced as principles-and lived-woven into life-on a daily basis. Deflation of the ego, at depth, is essential in order to let God (good orderly direction, if you prefer) in. Being not-God is the essence of being successfully sober, in my ESH. Thanks for letting me rant.