"Those who make it through these times show a courage not their own."
Basic Text p. 86
Before coming to NA, many of us thought we were brave simply because we had never experienced fear. We had drugged all our feelings, fear among them, until we had convinced ourselves that we were tough, courageous people who wouldn't crack under any circumstances.
But finding our courage in drugs has nothing to do with the way we live our lives today. Clean and in recovery, we are bound to feel frightened at times. When we first realize we are feeling frightened, we may think we are cowards. Were afraid to pick up the phone because the person on the other end might not understand. We're afraid to ask someone to sponsor us because they might say no. We're afraid to look for a job. We're afraid to be honest with our friends. But all of these fears are natural, even healthy. What's not healthy is allowing fear to paralyze us.
When we permit our fear to stop our growth, we will be defeated. True courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the willingness to walk through it.
Just for Today: I will be courageous today. When I'm afraid, I'll do what I need to do to grow in recovery.
"True courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the willingness to walk through it."
Before sobriety, if I was fearful, it was real primal but oddly not felt at all when high. One source of fear was from street life in the Big Apple way back when, before it was (overly IMHO) cleaned up. Of course, the reason I moved was because at the time it was lawless (that includes the cops), dangerous, very rough, and at times traumatic (like being held hostage in an armed robbery) especially if you lived in a slum, were a hot young thing, and ticked off the wrong people to boot. Another source of fear, also before getting straight, and also reality-based, was from being battered for a few years, and thinking it impossible to get free. Then there was the fear of having my child taken from me, because I deserved it, and the fear that I was doing her more harm than good, which proved to be true. No courage in any of that--there was no walking through, just survival.
But in recovery, I have known very little real fear because of the program, because of finding God (hmmmwas He lost? LOL), and because of the effectiveness of meds for my mental impairments. The 12 Step fellowships have brought more balance and coping skills into my life than most therapy, tho the best therapy I've had has been almost miraculous in its benefits to me. What fear I have had, and still have occasionally, I have been blessed with the courage to be willing to get through it, rather than bail through self-defeating behaviors, morose thoughts, and really yukky feelings. And its not that primal, life-threatening fear anymore, it simple, straight-up, garden variety "thats just life" fear, like everyone has, including me, seeing as how I am no longer terminally unique!! Thanks for the topic needed that.
-- Edited by LeeU on Wednesday 18th of March 2009 06:49:30 PM
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
